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#2230770 - 03/15/12 07:10 AM Re: RYoure: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Actually crying tonite, which I have done like 2 times, maybe it is just sinking in, after having to see my "NEW LIFE". Makes me sick and angry and... please someone give me some wisdom.

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#2230771 - 03/15/12 07:11 AM Re: RYoure: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
I just hate him so much! That's just a statement, but it's how i feel.

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#2230786 - 03/15/12 08:30 AM Re: RYoure: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7820
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Finally one day you'll decide OK, I've given this enough of my life. Now I have to take care of me.

But in the meantime, you have to do things for you, GAL, read inspiring stories, take up a new hobby, take walks, whatever.

For all intents and purposes, he's gone, act accordingly.

Hating him is not accepting what it, and will not allow you to move forward.
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2231022 - 03/15/12 09:48 PM Re: RYoure: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: labug]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
hopeless.. my heart aches for you..

if you need to cry.. then do it. but try not to let the pain and anger defeat you.

i had my moments where i felt utterly defeated. i was truly a mess. and with 2 little ones.. it was a bad scene. but i think the one thing i did right was admitting i needed help. i took it where i could get it. my mom.. my friends.. meds.. it took all that i had to get myself out of that hole. LRT also helped immensely.

i don't know when things "felt" better. i just know it did. one day at a time. one of the things that really lifted my mood at the time was reading the ongoing jokes from the other members. speedos.. hamsters.. whatever!

you can not control your H but you can control you and your choices.

in the beginning, i had to keep busy whenever i wasn't with the kids because it just made me feel sad. the minute i was alone.. i would start spinning things in my head. slowly.. day by day.. i learned to hear myself and rediscovered the person i had lost.

i'm thinking about you. keep posting. you may think no one hears you but we do. take some comfort in that.

((((((( hiw ))))))))
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2231029 - 03/15/12 10:04 PM Re: RYoure: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: barely floating]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Barely, hi. Well what a difference a day makes. Had 2 more apt. viewings today. Well I found a really great one! It's really nice, kind of up to the same quality as our home. And I have a nice greenbelt for a view. I could really see myself there and likng it. After the 2 depressing ones from yesterday, for the same price I was elated. Plus owner told me they had dropped the rent $120 am month. So this is like the first day since bomb that I actually felt some relief.

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#2231072 - 03/16/12 12:41 AM Re: RYoure: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
glad you are feeling better. enjoy the moments of relief. eventually.. the good feelings outweigh the bad.

ocean shores next week! i'm going to hope the winds die down! although i imagine the ocean would look beautiful w/ a windstorm.
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2231077 - 03/16/12 12:58 AM Re: RYoure: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: barely floating]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Thank you! I am, this has been a really good day. Feel like I can look forward for me. This weather is driving me crazy! We had thunder and pouring rain while the sun was out!

Hope we get spring before before vaca at OS!

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#2231393 - 03/17/12 04:20 AM Re: RYoure: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
it was hailing earlier today and then was warm enough to walk around without my coat in the afternoon. but by the evening.. it was c-c-c-cold!!

so what are you going to do for GAL this weekend? i bought a kit to make cute pin cushions in the shape of a cake stand and a couple of pastries. i'm going to attempt to make it while i'm away at OS as a housewarming present for a gf. should be interesting as i am not very good at sewing!

when do you move? i'm glad you can picture yourself living in the new space. i hope you feel empowered once you are set up w/ your things.

what has been happening w/ H? have you had any contact recently?
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2231398 - 03/17/12 04:44 AM Re: RYoure: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: barely floating]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Hi, I have been so busy apt. hunting, i MUST clean house tommorrow. I signed the lease to start April 15. Alot to be done before that. Was just making a huge to do list. Talked to h today about money transfer to pay for apt. He is cooperative, but cranky. He has had chronic back pain for months. Thru VA he is finally scheduled for surgery April 5th. It was his birthday and he wasn't going to do anything. He sounds down and detached, don't think it has anything to do with what's happening to us, that's just business to him, I think he has been couch surfing, cheap hotels for 2 months and his pain is getting to him. I offerred to come down to Seattle for his surgery, he just said no. Not no thanks, just no. He is usually a cheerful guy, but I find myself going you just can't think about him and how he is feeling. Right! So I am sort of in soldier mode, get stuff done, a day at a time. It is so nice that I at least have the condo stuff out of the way. Pretty much, if I can accomplish one thing a day I can manage without becoming overwhelmed. Say what is your job? I heard you mention scrubs. Anyway thanks for checking in.

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#2231461 - 03/17/12 04:40 PM Re: RYoure: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
it's good to keep busy! even if it's just cleaning and packing. when you're in your new place and your are more settled.. hopefully you'll be able to come up with a few things you've always wanted to do and then go do them!

H will need to work on his own issues in his own time. the couch surfing and cheap hotels will soon wear on him i'm sure. my H is going to be losing his roommate/close friend in a couple of weeks and i think the reality of that is starting to hit him.

i've been thinking about rearranging the stuff at home to make it more "my space". going to have to look for those things you put under furniture to slide them around easier (those as seen on tv things). create a tranquil space that isn't unfamiliar but that doesn't remind me that H has left.

hope you manage to have some down time!
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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