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#2227319 - 03/04/12 03:45 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Has anyone been wondering about 111? Hope it going good for her.

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#2227326 - 03/04/12 04:30 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 754
i'd like to make the WAS a deal they can't refuse.
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2227327 - 03/04/12 04:36 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: barely floating]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Or keep your friends close your enemies closer!

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#2227329 - 03/04/12 04:38 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Well that wasn't very positive, but sometimes they do feel like the enemy!

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#2227978 - 03/06/12 01:37 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Well H. had appt. with L today, then emailed me that we will have divorce decree in our hands April 12th. Great, just seems so easy for him, but that is how he is. Mr. Efficiancy. Feels like 1,0000 daggers a day. I just need to somehow look forward and have a belief that things will feel better.

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#2227985 - 03/06/12 03:37 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 754
ok.. i just reread your sitch and it made me think of my in-laws. they were married for 32 yrs but FIL had cheated a couple of times during their relationship. but they always managed to stay together. FIL is a very social person.. loves to go out.. very affectionate. MIL more reserved.. homebody.. more distant.

anyway.. about 6 yrs ago FIL was diagnosed w/ prostate cancer and went all weird. he was upset because MIL and he weren't having sex.. he started seeing another women.. lied through his teeth about it! they ended up separating because she had had enough. when hey separated, MIL became a different person. travelled.. went to vegas.. took helicopter tour.. and then my FIL suddenly took noticed and said.. how come she's doing all these things now but when we were together she would never go anywhere?

and then he pursued pursued pursued.. trying to get back together w/ her saying he made a mistake. i think he also finally saw the loss of "the family" because H and i use to go over and visit.. have tea.. play cards etc. but by then it was too late. because she had met someone else and didn't want to put up w/ him anymore.

i guess my point is.. what are you doing to GAL?
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2228014 - 03/06/12 08:47 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
HollyAnn Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/11
Posts: 124
Originally Posted By: hopeless in wa
Well H. had appt. with L today, then emailed me that we will have divorce decree in our hands April 12th. Great, just seems so easy for him, but that is how he is. Mr. Efficiancy. Feels like 1,0000 daggers a day. I just need to somehow look forward and have a belief that things will feel better.


So sorry you find yourself here. I know how much it hurts.
I am wondering why you are being so passive and going along with everything H wants. What about you?
You could have your L contest the terms of the D if they are not what you agree with. This would give you at least another year before it goes to trial or becomes final.
I live in WA too.

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#2228389 - 03/06/12 11:37 PM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: HollyAnn]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Trouble is, there is really nothing to disagree with, in fact he is being pretty generous.

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#2228395 - 03/07/12 12:13 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: hopeless in wa]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 754
((((( hopeless ))))) hang in there.

have you thought about what you want?

tell us about the positives. what worked in your relationship?
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2228396 - 03/07/12 12:14 AM Re: Husband of 17 year out the door in a hurry [Re: PrincessP]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 10464
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: PrincessP
This is my first time on the DB site. Feeling scared and all the other range of emotions. My apologies at the outset for not having all of the abbreviations down pat. Here goes…
My H walked out the night before my birthday early in January of this year. He said that I have been “mean to him for 20 years” and we have sexless marriage. We have been together for 19 years since meeting mid sophomore year of college, and have been married for the last 9. For 12 years we have weathered the hardships of his education and training to become a physician. In that time, I supported us financially, emotionally, and managed every aspect of our lives to keep everything moving. We hardly fought except about the severe lack intimacy now and then, until our child was born and things got very bad. I suffered from severe post-partum after suffering a horrible delivery and being overwhelmed as a mom and keeping all of the above home management and a full-time career still going. The sexless relationship started a few years after we first got together. Looking back I feel I lost interest because I felt that I was on the back burner to his career goals. As an only child I craved attention even though I kept telling myself and others I could handle the life of a lonely doctor’s W. When the post-partum set in I have to admit that I did get VERY frustrated; I felt I was still doing everything on my own and now added single mom to the list. After some great individual therapy I got my relationship with our child back on track; it was really awful for the first year and half. In that time of mending, my H started his first job (post training) and had an A with a nurse. Sounds so cliché. After finding out about it nine months later, we went to couples therapy with someone who did not suit us. My biggest regret is not finding a better suited therapist after five months of wasted time, money, and effort.
Last week my H went to see my individual therapist to tell her (instead of me directly) that there is no possibility for reconciliation and he cannot understand why I am surprised about this. He repeated that he has been unhappy for a very long time, cannot take the sexless marriage, and I am “mean and nasty.” He comes over to the house (yes, we bought an extravagant house in the last six months and even talked of having another child) to see our child. He is cordial, and even gives me a hug and a peck on the top of my head. I know he loves me still and this is hard for him. I have evidence there is someone else in his life already, not sure how long it has been going on or if it is someone new or the previous person. He lives somewhere close by but I do not know. He has shrouded himself in mystery; I guess he is enjoying the control which he felt he never had in our relationship.
I do not want to give up on our marriage, it is simply not in my DNA. I read Divorce Remedy in the last few days. While the concepts are pragmatic, it seems they are well out of my reach to execute. My therapist is trying to convince to move on with my own life because my H will never come back; he is committed to his decision according to my therapist. In the last few days I put an end to my pity party; I am wearing make-up again and even doing my hair in new ways. Small differences that everyone is noticing even my H. Time is working against me, we cannot hold onto the house for too much longer. In order to keep working full time and have child care I either need to move 100 miles away to my parents or 20 miles into the big city nearby (where I work). I do not want to ever send the message that I am giving up or I am done but practicality is what I am faced with. I have no idea what to do next. I keep telling myself that my first goal is to have H home in three months. How do you reach out to someone who does not want to be with you?


at first I thought this was someone else posting...

Princess you need to start your own story, which we call a "thread" here. Like I did when I first came here, you "hijacked" someone else's story

and it gets hard to post to her versus you. Very confusing.

So start your own thread under newcomers and then new topic...(I think)

Also stick to one thread for YOUR feedback or it gets too hard for us to follow it. Details will be left out in one post but will appear in another one, and it is easier for US to help you

which is what you want. Also--I will post to you as soon as you have your own thread.

But please break up your narrative into short bursts or paragraphs b/c it's much easier to read, as opposed to lengthy single spaced pages.

The 37 rules mentioned here, were Assembled by Sandi and they are based on DB principles - so it's not just one woman's suggestions, but the books and DB approach itself serve as the basis.

Good luck and keep posting. This program works if you work it.

Save yourself first, and the marriage may well survive too.

Regardless you will be a happier woman for this.
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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