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Also again, women feel free to join in! Am very curious as to a woman's opinion concerning my situation...

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@Denver. The Words were

IMHO I think you are better off going for full custody of your son and moving on. As she is really messed up.

But I will help you either way. As I understand bi-polar and being Mr. Nice guy.

IMHO I think

No where did I say. You should. So you are mistaken there. Do not add thoughts or words to what I wrote.

Your words of

Originally Posted By: Denver_2010

It seems to me that had you familiarized yourself with my own sitch 16 months ago, that you would have been encouraging me to walk away from it and to move on. Had that happened, and had I listened, I would not be where I am today. And that would have been a much worse tragedy than me having to go through some pain, and wallow in limbo, for a few months of my life.


You do not know me. So do not use conjecture to paint a broad stroke of who you think I am. It's insulting, degrading and serves no purpose in this conversation. The only purpose it severs is to back up your fallacy of what I wrote earlier and to dismiss my communication with PC with an irrelevant conclusion.


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unconditional love is awesome!
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@PC I saw a red flag when you just mentioned the bi-polar in a passing conversation. To me I wanted to clarify that you understood the illness , its symptoms and its ramifications. I was also looking for clarification on that you were getting IC and support to learn to deal with this illness.

I think you enable Mrs. PC because you do not set boundaries on behavior that is unacceptable to you. Mrs. PC has decided to check out of the shared responsibilities of maintaining a home and taking care of her son.

180's are not doing everything for a short period of time.
Are you going to do every single dish from here on out if Mrs. PC decides to never do one again?

A 180 here would be to realize that you are not pulling your share of the responsibilities around the house and start to help out. She cooks , you clean. She washes , you dry. She puts in the dishwasher, you put them away. She cleans the bathroom on a Tuesday. You do it on a Thursday.

Another part of that 180 would be to admit that in the past you did not help carry the load on household chores but now you are working towards carrying an equal load.

That is a 180.

You have acknowledged Mrs. PC's communication to you that she wants you to step up here. You did not counter with complaints or criticisms.

That is a 180.

Which I believe you are doing.

But this is a two way street. Doing it all breaks rule 4, 8. Pointing out that you are doing it all breaks rule 34. And since it is not feasible to do this for the remainder of your marriage you will break rule 37.

Another 180 you are doing is working on your flaws. And here is another opportunity for a 180, fix these flaws for yourself. Become a better man so you can become a better husband and a better father. Learn more about passive aggressive behaviors and work on correcting them.

Learn more about boundaries. For boundaries are not to control others. They are for you and you alone. They communicate to others what you find acceptable and unacceptable. They also relay what actions you will follow when a boundary is broken.

A good resource to learn about boundaries is the story of Coach and Greek on this site. Go back and read that story. Also go read the many previous topics on boundaries.

I highly recommend that you continue with your research and knowledge on Mrs. PC's illness. Continue to learn about 180's and boundaries.

Its a beautiful day. So go enjoy it.


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unconditional love is awesome!
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"I forgot what stage of depression hers is called but it includes being bipolar among other things."

This is the only place where he mentions his W being bipolar. It does not specifically say that she was diagnosed with being bipolar. Big difference.

In terms of you bringing up the fact that it's a sickness when you aren't a medical professional and really don't have any data from the W's side, doesn't make your "diagnoses" correct.

PC, your W is exhibiting many of the tendencies WASs do. I'm not saying that there isn't an underlying psychosis or whatever, but it's important for you to understand that it's not unique and can be overcome.

To put it another way, if you really believe that it's some kind of mental illness, then you might as well sign the papers now because there is nothing you can do about it.

So if you want to save your M, start looking at the situations. There are ways to get through this.


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Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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Her present: Diagnosed with anger-management 2 years ago citing past abuse physical and sexual, and depression 2 years ago citing death of child, and resentment of parents for siblings better upbringing.

I forgot what stage of depression hers is called but it includes being bipolar among other things.


I know I am not a medical professional nor are you.
But why take it as script?
Certain words should not be tossed around lightly. Bi-polar is one of them.


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unconditional love is awesome!
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PC, re., W's diagnosis. If you're concerned seek advice from someone knowledgeable about the diagnosis. You can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do no matter the diagnosis, and it's really not your role. We all have self-determination unless deemed incompetent.

This is a board for support of people who are attempting to DB according to the priciples set forth in the MWD books. Medical and psych advice should come from your health care provider.

For all you know we're a bunch of pimply-faced 16yr olds sitting in our parent's basements.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
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"I know I am not a medical professional nor are you."

Never said I was and don't even bother playing that card. You were the one who mentioned you studied behavioral neuroscience. It implied that you knew what you were talking about.

"But why take it as script?"

No one said that he had to take it as "script" it's another option.

"Certain words should not be tossed around lightly. Bi-polar is one of them."

Have you read alot of the threads? Almost every LBS has accused their WAS of being "bi-polar" due to the mood swings, violent and destructive tendencies that seem "out of character".

PC, bottom line is that you see how your sitch currently stands based off the current and past circumstances and come up with a strategy or action that will produce positive steps.

Remember, baby steps. They may take awhile, but they will come. You just have to watch out for them.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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I have read a ton of stitches Mrbond. When I was active on here before, I knew you as Stuck808, I remember when you switched the name.


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unconditional love is awesome!
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Well Prince, you've stated what you want and what you are willing to do. It will be a long haul as it seems she's medicating her problems with friends and drinking. She married and had a child very young. Maybe she feels like she missed something. She also has a lot of past trauma she seems unwilling to work on right now, which is not uncommon. Have you read much about the fallout from child sexual abuse?

The best you can do is work on yourself take care of your S as best you can. Are you familiar with Henry Cloud and John Townsend? Google them. They have a great book entitled Boundaries that you might find helpful. Some churches offer a class based on their work, you might see if it's offered in your area.

Best of luck.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Thanks labug! Situation still the same, but I'm doing okay still. Will pick up those books.

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