Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 12 of 32 1 2 10 11 12 13 14 31 32
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,119
R
rickb89 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,119
Where to start...will probaly post some later because have to run to yoga

W is having a pretty interesting reaction to her Mom leaving. How can she do that? Its her issue but what about me...I'm her daughter, what about our R? I feel so judged and a failure....she's moving to my sisters and it makes me look so bad. Hmmmm...the other side of the coin suxx now doesn't it?

Everything was pouring out from her this morning. I will probably post things at different times as I relive it thru the day.

She's asking why her entire life has fallen apart when all she is trying to do is finally take control of her life, get beyond her demons, and live authentically. I shared with her that she has never really developed the tools that are needed for that type of live. In her case she lives through the heart and it's all pure, however she has no governing control over her emotions. What erupts in one area, spills into every area of her life and blows each area up together...hence M blows up, R with kids blows up, all of it. I told her that some can compartmentalize a little better sometimes - life identity crisis here and that's tough, but M check, kids check, favorite movies check. One area doesn't blow all the others up even if they do affect them. But seeing how she's currently working at an emotional level of age eight (not a joke here, that's the diagnosis from the trauma) she has never developed a lot of adult tools. I'm not ragging on her for it either....she just never took these stages on until now and all at once. And for me and her, there's a fine line I walk with her. She needs to get this stuff on her own and there's the knowledge that she really did love me more in a father figure way. I can't let her latch onto me that way through this, yet still need to provide my insight when asked.

Still for me, there's the question of the moral choices she's making...how much is just part of growing up for her. She thinks I don't know where she's going today and she told me she's going to do her camera work today (which is true) but is omitting the elephant in the room, OM. And, she is so far removed from my life. Today's Battle Royale in Chinatown today...she doesn't even know...not in a place where she can see beyond herself.

More later...peace and love to all

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Hang in there, buddy. Glad you are taking care of yourself.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 524
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 524
When I look at this from the outside I see an individual that was “forced” to make changes after his W dropped the bomb. You have grown tremendously and continue to do so every day Rick. Your W, not so much - at least not at your pace. Think about it, eight years vs. forty something? You still want your W all the while your ship sails farther and farther away to the “new world.”
Hope you can rage in China Town today – take no prisoners! mad


Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,119
R
rickb89 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,119
Thanks Ray and Bugsy! Great day today although it was a year ago today the bomb dropped. I know it but really am totally detached from it.

Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,030
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,030
Heard a successful salesman once say "Each 'no' is just one no closer to my next 'yes'".

Maybe we need to look at each day of our sitch as one day closer to the other side! We will all get through this stuff. We may not know what's on the other end except that we faced ourselves, learned new things and grew as a result.

I really do appreciate your posts & insights!


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 88
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 88
A year...that is amazing. You are doing so well. I admire your patience and wisdom. YOU have grown through this and that is what is important. Take care of yourself...you are loved and valued on this board.


Me: 44 H: 45
Married 22
S 18, S 16
Bomb 8/11, Second Bomb 1/12
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 803
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 803
How was the battle? Did you teach the young punk a thing or two? smile


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,119
R
rickb89 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,119
Originally Posted By: ces67
Heard a successful salesman once say "Each 'no' is just one no closer to my next 'yes'".

Maybe we need to look at each day of our sitch as one day closer to the other side! We will all get through this stuff. We may not know what's on the other end except that we faced ourselves, learned new things and grew as a result.

I really do appreciate your posts & insights!


CES - you're awesome, thanks. I kept hearing Mr. Mojo Risin in my head - break on through to the other side!

Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,119
R
rickb89 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,119
Originally Posted By: ptcrussell
A year...that is amazing. You are doing so well. I admire your patience and wisdom. YOU have grown through this and that is what is important. Take care of yourself...you are loved and valued on this board.


PTC - thanks, that is sweet and makes my day. I guess we can all get there, huh?

Peace and love

Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,119
R
rickb89 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,119
Originally Posted By: barely floating
How was the battle? Did you teach the young punk a thing or two? smile



Ha ha...in fact I did teach him DB101 as applied to the martial arts world. and thinks for thinking of me.

Fortunatley the judges were guys I trained with for 25 years, since I was a kid. I knew this kid, Mangus, back when I trained people in the UK, and Kelli (a bff) was also a student of mine. I used to live at her family's apt when there and she lived in a real ghetto in Birmingahm. At night we would hang out on the roof, watch for ufo's, and practice. This kid lived on her floor and I trained him for a couple of weeks. That was all self defense mind you. Todays world of UFC is all about attack, and this guy has gone this route.

This guy had the hots for Kelli his whole life. Eventually she decided to take the non-traditonal path of the rock world, and I knew I was going to come back here, see where it went with Michelle and have a family. She had some of the material she wrote, and we used to ride around on The Tube in London and brainstorm lyrics. I came back here, and god love her, she joined Sneaker Pimps and became famous in the 90's. So we have stayed connected all along. I was her friend who she could bitch about the BS world of the big record labels, get honest advise from me, and find a place to connect with someone who had the same street background as her.

Then, amazingly on the same day as me, she got a bomb dropped on her too. So, I have been her DB coach all along. She told one of our friends unbeknownst to me that she wishes she had taken the chance and pursued marrying me when we were kids ( I was blindly unaware oh that back then but in hindsight I see the signs now). Mangus took all this in as if I was in the way of his plans for her (which I'm not!). He comes over to MIT and decides to issue the challenge through the network.

I was thinking how comical this all is, but at the same time I thinking I don't know much about this guy, having had limited contact over the years. I figure I'll go and check it out, see if maybe we can just spar a little, you know, light contact stuff and catch up. I also didn't tell anyone in my family I was doing this because I don't want my boys to get wrong ideas about this (and W doesn't deserve to know). They're all at a sensitve age about manhood, and I don't want them to think that their Dad is living this violent secret life, or think of this in the wrong way as some glamerous way of living.

I get there and we all talk, the judges, Mangus, me, catching up on everybody's lives. I haven't trained in five years since I went full-time yoga so I'm just watching him show boat and I'm thinking I'm not gonna show him anything, I'm not gonna even stretch out, just watch him and see what he's got planned for me. I get the sense that he's going to go for the big macho kill right off the bat. Sure enough he goes for the big head kick (which is off-limits by the way...these things are controlled and are supposed ot be friendly learning experiences). I thnk he expected a big same-same attack back, but he was so stupidly aggressive. So it was easy for me to drop to all fours and sweep his other leg out, while his kill shot was still over 6 feet in the air. He went done pretty hard and it was over.

To his credit he got the lesson and we had a good laugh about it, and then worked on the DB principles in the martial arts world. Like meeting rage with gentleness, like the best way to not get hurt is to not be there where the atack is going. Like they say, DB'ing applies in our whole lives!

And Mangus is free to pursue his dream girl.

Isn't it weird banana bread...on the anniversary of my bomb, Kelli's bomb, this happens...and while my W if "sneaking off" with the O-creep.

Life is so good but comically weird at times.

Thanks again for asking. I assume that means you care, or did you just have a bet going on it? Ha ha

Page 12 of 32 1 2 10 11 12 13 14 31 32

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard