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Originally Posted By: labug
Rick, you've mentioned this before and I guess it gets glossed over. Is she hammered a lot? If so you know you aren't dealing with a person, but rather a substance. Even if she's self medicating due to her trauma, it doesn't matter, you can't save her. And self-medicating on top of her prescribed meds is over the top dangerous.

Ever thought of Alanon for you and Alateen for S13?

(((Rick)))


Bugsy - When the bomb came she went on a binge for a long time and then she started recognizing a big problem underneath it all, hence the psychiatrist. She always had an issue with it...not regularly at all, but when she did drink fugghedabouddit. Now, it comes up every now and then. Some of her new crowd have a bit of a wild lifstyle that doesn't help.
I know last night S13 was looking over at me like Dad, this is a bad one.

I'm dealing with a lot here and I really am wandering around in the dark a lot about the many factors and outcomes of this sitch. I read about both you and Brklyn Babe going to this. I think there's one in the next town to me...will check it out.


((((Bugsy))))

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Rick,

the code system is an incredible way to communicate with S13. My heart breaks for S13 and for the rest of your family to have to go through it. I grew up with a violent and abusive alcoholic and I know too well the effects of the illness on a child. Unlike S13, I didn't have someone help me cope with it. It's actually the main reason why I chose to come to this country after high school, I wanted to get as far away from home as possible.

As Labug said, mixing drugs and alcohol is incredibly dangerous. I think you mentioned a few posts ago that your W decided to go off her meds, so I hope she isn't mixing now.

You have a wonderful heart, Rick. Your sitch makes it really hard to DB, yet you've been holding on and going strong for a year. You're doing all the right things...detaching, GALing, and most importantly taking care of your kids and yourself.

((Rick))


Me:32 H:34 T:14.5 M:9.5 S:5 BD: 11/25/11


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Hi Rick,

I am sorry to hear all the tribulations you are going thru with your wife. It sounds like a very complex and intense situation. You and your whole family will be in my prayers.

As for Alanon and Alateen, definitely great resources. I think your son would specially benefit from Alateen. He is in such a difficult age anyways. My H's dad was also a violent and abusive alcoholic and H told me that Alateen saved him - his mom initially made him go when he was also 13. He said that the best part for him was to realize that there were many other kids just like him and that it made him feel understood and gave him a sense of belonging in a way that his mom nor his siblings were able to provide for him.

(((hugs)))


Me & H: 44
D7, D6, S3
Together: 20y, M: 17y
EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10
EA becomes PA: Spring 2011
H filed for D: 09/06/12
D Negotiating began 2/15
OW seemingly gone on 3/15
Still negotiating D






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rickb89 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: nhmom
Rick,

the code system is an incredible way to communicate with S13. My heart breaks for S13 and for the rest of your family to have to go through it. I grew up with a violent and abusive alcoholic and I know too well the effects of the illness on a child. Unlike S13, I didn't have someone help me cope with it. It's actually the main reason why I chose to come to this country after high school, I wanted to get as far away from home as possible.

NHM - you might find out thru this sitch that you have carried the demons of that tough childhood with you and it affected how you were in the M. Not a groundbreaking thought here, but this sitch does give a chance to find these things and get past them.

As Labug said, mixing drugs and alcohol is incredibly dangerous. I think you mentioned a few posts ago that your W decided to go off her meds, so I hope she isn't mixing now.

I have no idea at this point what's what. When she was talking to me last night it was like she was drunk dialing me but from two feet away. It was scary as hell....and S13 was not digging it. I read True Grit's story and it spooked me - same trauma...same age...same wild responses...same breakdown...same diagnosis..same type of girl. His story didn't end so well for her. I don't think I will ever have a life with her as H/W going forward...but I will look after her forever. I think about my next relationship and will make sure this doesn't corrupt that by keeping watch for her. You never know though...miracles do happen.

You have a wonderful heart, Rick. Your sitch makes it really hard to DB, yet you've been holding on and going strong for a year. You're doing all the right things...detaching, GALing, and most importantly taking care of your kids and yourself.

Want you to do the same...you obviously have the heart and compassion to do this.

((Rick))

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rickb89 Offline OP
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Keep Going - thanks. I will check these out. I am thinking S13 might be hesitant about it because then he's kind of admitting to the world what he is ashamed of. I will talk to them first about it before speaking to S. Thank you!

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Yo bro do ya think tomorrow is going to be good flying weather?


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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rickb89 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Rick1963
Yo bro do ya think tomorrow is going to be good flying weather?


Not sure...not a flyer so don't know what to look for! Did you mean this for Monkey?

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No chance my s15 would be down for any of that. I check in w/ him periodically to see if he has any questions for me about the sitch and he's like "Nope" and if I press he just pulls back.

I know its hurting him and I just want him to know I'm there for him but I guess it will come in his own time. This sitch is teaching me to detach and let people be themselves so I try to remind myself of that w/ him although I don't want him to hurt.


Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley
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great. now we have flying monkeys.


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
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Originally Posted By: barely floating
great. now we have flying monkeys.

LOL...


Me & H: 44
D7, D6, S3
Together: 20y, M: 17y
EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10
EA becomes PA: Spring 2011
H filed for D: 09/06/12
D Negotiating began 2/15
OW seemingly gone on 3/15
Still negotiating D






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