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#2233622 - 03/27/12 08:29 AM Re: taking the time to watch the wave [Re: barely floating]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7796
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Beautiful post, bf.

I don't know much about Retro but it can't hurt can it?
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2233624 - 03/27/12 08:31 AM Re: taking the time to watch the wave [Re: labug]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7796
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Sort of like how the EMS squads put O2 on everyone-Can't hurt, Might help.

Maybe they don't do that up North.
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2233644 - 03/27/12 09:51 AM Re: taking the time to watch the wave [Re: labug]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
((((banana)))) you're gonna be okay...just keep going...and keep allowing everyone to love you.

The hockey analogy is cool BTW

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#2233649 - 03/27/12 10:11 AM Re: taking the time to watch the wave [Re: barely floating]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
Originally Posted By: barely floating
quorum - "keep your stick on the ice and go to it!". i really like that. spoken like a true canadian! and it's really what i need to do. keep my head in the game.. don't get called for any penalties.. and maybe.. just maybe.. i'll be able to get a goal in here and there.

You will definitely get your share of goals B!

bugsy - i think you're very right. it feels as though H has not really looked at things. when we've had our R talks.. he can never pinpoint (or rather he maybe chooses not to) what it is about M that he seems so against. or maybe he's just against me? i don't know.

I feel the exact same way, very frustrating.


i am so very tired. 2 trips w/ the kids done. we had friends over on the weekend. of course that was chaotic.. but in a nice sort of way.. and now on my second night shift. i am beat. being a single parent is extremely challenging.

but i'm doing ok. not great. but ok. i sort of bobbled in and out of the water there for a little bit. but the thing that always keeps me going.. is the well being of my little ones.

Same here. When I'm really down they give me strength and motivation.


i have been going as dark as possible w/ H. i just don't want to get into it. i'm tired.. and the emotional roller coaster wears me out!

today i had a phone call from a number i didn't recognize. when i checked my messages.. it was the people from retrouvaille calling to do the phone interview. i was a little thrown off because it's becoming very real.. this weekend. it's 3 weeks away and there is still the chance we won't make it there. also, after all that has happened between us.. i wonder if there's even anything left to repair. H is intent on ending things.. and i am unsure whether i will ever be able to trust or forgive if we chose to R. but i guess that's neither here nor there.

i spoke w/ FIL over the weekend to ask him about watching kids for the weekend of retrouvaille. and FIL is coming by on wednesday to see the kids. i also wanted to speak w/ him about the weekend. actually, i'm not quite sure if i'll say anything. but it'll be nice for the kids to see him.. plus it was his bday today.

today my kids wanted to climb into my lap and cuddle. and i had a chance to tell them both how much i love them. and when their little arms hug back.. it's such a great feeling. when i put the kids to bed last night, D didn't want me to leave. she wrapped her arm around mine and wouldn't let go. so very cute. H is missing out on a lot.

how to GAL this week. cleaning! i am determined to find those darn sliding things that go under the big furniture that makes it magically easy to push things by yourself!! i want to do it all myself rather than relying on H to do it. a 180?


((((BF)))
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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#2233677 - 03/27/12 11:12 AM Re: taking the time to watch the wave [Re: sayitaintso]
finding nemo Offline
Member

Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 81
Hi Barely,

I'm new here but I've been following your story. In reading your posts, it sounds like you are getting stronger every day and I guess that's all one can hope for.

I really hope you and your H go to Retrouvaille. I would be very interested to hear your impressions of Retrouvaille. I had been reading up on it when my H told me he would consider doing some sort of marriage coaching. It seems like a good program. Unfortunately, my H is determined to get a D and is not willing to do any C of any sort.

Hope your day is a better one today and gobble up all the hugs you can get from your babies, they really are the best medicine!
_________________________
Me: 42 H: 44
M: 17 1/2 T: 19 1/2
S: 14
D: 10
D: 8
Dog: 16-17 (very old & H's responsibility, live w/ me)
1st Bomb (I need space): 2/3/12
2nd Bomb (ILYBNILWY): 2/11/12
Moved out: 2/12/12

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#2233732 - 03/27/12 03:37 PM Re: taking the time to watch the wave [Re: barely floating]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Barely, hang in there girl. Just getting ready to go see my L. Yuck, check in later.

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#2233861 - 03/28/12 01:58 AM Re: taking the time to watch the wave [Re: barely floating]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Hi, have you been able to get some rest? Do you think he wtill wants to do Retrov.? My H. wouldn't even consider anything like that. Very rightmindnessess of him, that's how he operates. Once decided, done. Causes a lot of trouble w my dbing. But I can't control it. I know it's so hard to be a single mom. I did it for 5 years with my first d. You would have thought I would have learned something, but I didn't, not this time. I will learn something from this disaster. Can't help but not, this time it wasn't my choice.

The cuddles from kids must be great. Your H. is going to continue to miss alot. Maybe it will occur to him, esp. if you go to weekend. Is that this coming weekend? Take care, get some sleep.

I just had an email with H. He's been working numbers on d. all nite, said he had made a mistake in how he computed IRA community property #. Yikes, trying to not think negative, but I have signed a lease! He said at 10:00 he was feeling tired after working on this all nite. I emailed back, that's fine, try to get a good nites sleep and that I was going to try to do the same. Sleep, a precious commodity. I can only usually get 4 to 6 and then wake up and obsess, then I have to nap later. Anyway, I think of you often and hope things swing your way soon. Fondly

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#2233944 - 03/28/12 10:34 AM Re: taking the time to watch the wave [Re: hopeless in wa]
RoRoinMD Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/12
Posts: 871
Hey BF - Please hang in there. I know being a single parent isn't easy, but you are definitely doing better than you think.

BTW - Not sure if you have a Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but they sell the slide thingys.
_________________________
Me:34
H:38
SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom
M:3
Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out.
Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA
H moves out 10/2/12

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#2234056 - 03/28/12 07:19 PM Re: taking the time to watch the wave [Re: RoRoinMD]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
not sure if we have a bed, bath and beyond.. but i went to the showcase store (where they sell all those as seen on tv stuff) and bought it! so tonight i think i will have to figure out how to move the computer and tv with all the wiring. i'm afraid to take things apart and not have anything work again. :B

so H txted last night after the kids had already gone to bed. i asked if he was still coming to take S to school or whether i should prepare to do it. he said he was coming because he needed to see the kids.

when he got here this morning, he seemed a bit down. and later on i could see him tearing up when he was hugging them and as he stood there looking around at our place. i didn't say anything. went upstairs instead so that i wouldn't get teary. he had also brought me a usb cable for my kindle. that was a nice gesture (i didn't tell him that i had just ordered one online last night).

i heard S asking H if he was going to stay here after he picked him up from school today (H wasn't intending on picking him up from school). when H came back, he seemed a lot happier. talking to me about GOT.. checking gas prices across the border.. eating MY chips.. lol.

i don't want to put any thought to his actions or his sadness. i always seem to get hurt when i get expectations and i just don't want to go there this time.

afterschool, S was asking whether H was staying at our place. he really got upset when i said no. this is the first time he's become so upset to the point of tears. it broke my heart. so i just gave him a hug and told him how much i love him.

what's my GAL tonight?? criminal minds.. figuring out all the electronics stuff.. FIL is also supposed to come by and see the kids. and i guess i will call the people from retrouvaille back for the interview. i'm really nervous. eek.
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2234063 - 03/28/12 07:40 PM Re: taking the time to watch the wave [Re: barely floating]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
"after school,, S was asking whether H was staying at our place. he really got upset when i said no. this is the first time he's become so upset to the point of tears. it broke my heart. so i just gave him a hug and told him how much i love him."

My S6 has been saying a few things like this^^^. It breaks my heart and I just want to grab H by the shirt collar and say: "see! It's not just me you're walking away from!" But I hold it all in and just try to give S6 as much love and attention as I can.

If your H is still willing to go to retrovielle, I think that's a small positive (even though he might be dragging his heels through the door) but maybe it wil be a turning point- not saying a R will happen immediately, but maybe it will make him (and you) really think inwards about what type of M you want... Def. will plant some seeds.
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

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