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#2231174 - 03/16/12 03:24 PM Re: Husband left me...feel hopeless [Re: Autumn Leaves]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8762
Loc: Sonoran Desert
It's not even been a month yet and I know there's been a lot of pain packed into that month but, give yourself some time.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2231176 - 03/16/12 03:27 PM Re: Husband left me...feel hopeless [Re: labug]
hopingandpraying Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 283
I know I'm supposed to give it time, but it is so hard when I want answers and some kind of feedback. This is the most patient I've been with him in 8 years!!!

I just wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel and that I knew things were going to work.
_________________________
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..

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#2231208 - 03/16/12 05:16 PM Re: Husband left me...feel hopeless [Re: hopingandpraying]
mncwng Offline
Member

Registered: 01/20/12
Posts: 34
hang in there stephanie! i can so relate to what you're feeling right now, so please know that you're not alone. we're here for you!

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#2231225 - 03/16/12 06:28 PM Re: Husband left me...feel hopeless [Re: mncwng]
hopingandpraying Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 283
Thank you! I'm trying to hang in there, but it's so hard! I just want us to be normal again. I want my H to find happiness within himself so he can find happiness in our marriage! I just don't understand how this separation is supposed to work!
_________________________
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..

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#2231226 - 03/16/12 06:29 PM Re: Husband left me...feel hopeless [Re: hopingandpraying]
Dory Offline
Member

Registered: 03/05/12
Posts: 75
Loc: West Coast Canada
Originally Posted By: stephanie111
A huge part of me really thinks that this is his issue...that he needs to find himself. I'm just having a hard time having him find himself without me. He doesn't share anything with me about his progress. I only know he's taking steps to see a psychiatrist because I just paid our cell phone bill and saw a call was made to one. It is good that he's taking these steps but I also know he not really talking to anyone about his steps. I just don't understand how a person could do this and go through it alone.


Hi Stephanie,

I just wanted to chime in here. From what you've described so far about your H, it really sounds to me that he could be clinically depressed. Do you think this could be a possibility? If this is the case, you need to understand that it is very common for depressives to withdraw into themselves so please do not take it personally. It isn't something that he's doing intentionally, it's really just a by-product of the internal hell that depression creates: there's just so much chaos going on in his head that it eventually becomes impossible to focus on anybody or anything external until the depression either subsides or adequate treatment is sought. In the depressive mind, everything is hopeless. It's a good thing that your H is seeking psychiatric help. Depression or something else, the psychiatrist will figure out what's going on with your H and he will get the help he needs. I see this a a big positive that your H is willing to accept that things aren't right & he's getting the help needed.

I'm so sorry you've found yourself here. The first few weeks and months are by far the hardest and most painful but I promise you it does get better. One thing I've learned about myself, and you will too, is that you're far stronger than you ever thought possible.

Now, what are you doing for you? How are you taking care of you?
_________________________
M:36 WAH:41
M:16 T:17
D:12 SS:21
Bomb: IDLY 10/29/11
Separated same day, about an hour after the bomb.

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#2231231 - 03/16/12 06:47 PM Re: Husband left me...feel hopeless [Re: Dory]
cdavis Offline
Member

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 45
Stephanie,

My wife is suffering through depression and it will probably be very difficult for you, some of the medications make them better for a while but its a constant and difficult battle. I think its great that you are trying to hang on be supportive but as others have said its out of your hands somewhat and you have to make sure you take care of yourself.

Ryan

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#2231238 - 03/16/12 06:55 PM Re: Husband left me...feel hopeless [Re: Dory]
hopingandpraying Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 283
Hi Dory,

I do see this as a possibility. However, he did confide in a girl from work shortly after we separated. I saw emails they sent back and forth. He was just saying that he felt so sad about life and not happy with his marriage and she was complaining about her married life (she just got married in October). If he wanted to be completely alone, then why would he confide his feelings to her??

I know his mom has tried to talk to him, but he won't talk to her about what is going either. He said he just wants to sort things out for himself and that there has to be more to life than going to work, coming home and going on random vacations. He's looking for this "magic" happiness pill. He always wants life to be on a high...and our love, too!! I tried explaining to him that relationships go through ups and downs and in love and out of love, but he says he wants that feeling all the time.

For me...I am taking a new workout class and am hanging out and talking to my friends more. I am also keeping up with the house and our dog, which he has completely decided to stop taking care of. That's another part I don't understand...why he doesn't want to see or let out his own dog?!?!?
_________________________
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..

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#2231240 - 03/16/12 07:01 PM Re: Husband left me...feel hopeless [Re: Autumn Leaves]
jks Offline
Member

Registered: 03/08/12
Posts: 623
Loc: USA
I would say the fact that your H mentioned missing ALL OF HIS STUFF is some progress, don't you think? Maybe he's just waiting for these coaching sessions to know what his next step should be. Sounds like he doesn't have all the answers either...
_________________________
Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.



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#2231243 - 03/16/12 07:04 PM Re: Husband left me...feel hopeless [Re: jks]
hopingandpraying Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 283
Yeah I guess that is some sort of progress. Thank you for pointing that out, jks! That could be totally true that he is waiting to see what he should do. I didn't think of that, but if he misses his stuff, I would think he would want to see his stuff. I know if I missed my stuff and my house and my dog that I would return home...
_________________________
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs
Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!)
EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12
H introduces OW to his fam: June
H moves ALL stuff out: July

I'm living my truth without your lies..

Top
#2231245 - 03/16/12 07:12 PM Re: Husband left me...feel hopeless [Re: hopingandpraying]
jks Offline
Member

Registered: 03/08/12
Posts: 623
Loc: USA
I know, you would think that huh... but there's still that wall that has to be broken down. I haven't read your whole sitch yet but I know that my H has said that he misses me but he doesn't really ever do anything about it. Weird, isn't it? The only thing I can try to makes sense out of it is they're too afraid all of those feelings they hated are going to come back if they're around us and they don't know how to get rid of them or stop the unhealthy dynamic of the R. So therefore, they stay away. I am no expert but I try all the time to put myself in my H's position and try to see it from his point of view. And I can see how that would be a hard thing to overcome.
_________________________
Me: 32 H: 32
M 9 yrs
#1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2
Bomb 8/12/11
H moved out 8/14/11
PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12
Got my own place 8/25/12
H & OW move in together 9/15/12
Still married.



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