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It really is the most loving thing to respect your W's choices and not rescue her from them or enable them or excuse them, especially by trampling your own boundaries.
If she chooses that is who she wants to be and that is who she wants to be with (or without), then so she chooses. Let her be who she wants to be and with whom she wants.
Respect her by living accordingly.
You are not obligated to go along for the ride if is against who you are.
Me-41 W-37 D10, D6, D3 T-Since 12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing begins-04/2011 Now-back together My Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
this must be such a heartbreaking position to be in. I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling.
You have walked a tough road. And you have gained so much insight on the man and father you want to be. By clearly identifying your boundaries is another step closer in realizing what you do not want in your life or in a R.
I hesitate to say.. Ok.. Where do you go from here (when you say you are done) because you have just passed the one year mark and reading from other people's threads, it seems to be a moment where people feel it's a make it or break it moment.. But I get that you want to be done for your kids.
Maybe it's just time to shift from trying to create a supportive environment for your W (I mean, you have been with her forever so I get that commitment), to a supportive environment for your kids. Especially S13. Leave W to deal with her decisions (she's a big girl) while you focus on yours.
I don't know what the future holds for you.. But I truly feel that you deserve to receive the love you are so ready to give. One day at a time. Whether the road leads back to your S or someone new, you'll know when you get there. Take the scenic route.. There's no rush.
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
Hey 89 sorry for what you are going through. I was wondering if she has access to your FB. I would make it private so she has nothing to use and make excuses with. Othe than that I'm in your corner. yes there is a life after this a great life.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
((Rick)) Sorry you're in so much pain. Letting go of your W is the most loving thing you're doing for everyone. As much as it hurts right now, it sounds like you're making the right choice for yourself and your family. Some day down the road you'll be able to look back to this time and be happy with the decision you made.