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But can YOU sense... that SHE is not ready for this to be over? KD - very astute observation my friend. I've thought about this for a couple of days. What is has come down to is I have forgiven myself for my transgressions during our M. I have taken ownership and then some.
Monday was the first time, in retrospect, that her actions did not match her words. She has not brought up the divorce in weeks, yet she is still blaming me for everything. She has many issues that were there long before she ever met me. She needs to work that out. At some point she will realize that I am not to blame for her childhood. I am still here for her if she needs me. I am still here for my M too, but I am soo close to the end.
Just my thoughts, take it or leave it. You've had a couple of days now to think a little bit and process your feelings.
You said you showed up at a time when she normally wasn't there, but she was. She was likely caught off guard and was upset by that... then things snowballed. I think you handled the situation admirably, especially by not feeding in to her behavior.
How often has she had a chance to express her frustrations to you? You don't talk very often, from what I gather (LRT still in effect), so she may not feel she's had a chance to get everything out in the open, even when it's the stuff that comes up over and over. For me and my W, it took her being able to empty out all of her feelings and my transgressions in front of someone who'd hold me accountable, before she stopped letting it be a daily nuisance. This is where asking for forgiveness should help smooth things over.
I don't have any idea if something similar would help you... but if she's running the argument loop on you every time she sees you, something's bothering her that D won't help.
Just my thoughts. I know this is hard for you, brother. On the other hand, I think you've hit detachment gold.
Me: 31 W: 28 M: almost 6 T: 10.5 S2 Bomb#1: 05/11 Bomb#2: 11/11 S'd: 11/28/11 Moved back in: 12/28/11 MC: 06/28/12
Monkster...it's hard for me to relate to how it must be to go through without kids...I imagine it makes it easier to consider ending it. Also, I think one of the points made above about how your W hasn't had the chance to get these things out to you. Maybe that's where are sitches are opposites. I see my W very day so there's every opportunity for her to feel things out, whereas you two hardly see each other.
I'm no expert however it seems like the short amount of time your sitch has been active doesn't allow for both to pass through the stages of this (not that I could name the stages, but there are stages to this).
Ray, you know my sitch and we went through the same thing recently. I'm wondering, if you are like me it was hard to separate the W's actions from our own wants, i.e. we haven't truly detached. I'm sure we "needed" soem catalyst to get to a better place in this and maybe that's what this week was?
It's challenging because I think if it weren't for the kids, I would have said whatevs. I'm out! Well.. That's how I imagine I would be. The reality.. Never really know until you get there. In the past I said, an affair would be a deal breaker for me but looky here.. Apparently it is not.
Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. (darn it.. Seems a lot of us got the nuts!)
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
Its different in a way. I know everybody here, including myself, thinks I am being impatient. I am. I honestly try to look at this objectively and give it time. Nevertheless, its gets so very taxing when I think about waiting and what I'm waiting on. Do I even like this person right now? Right now, no, yet there is still something there that draws me to her.I think I fell into the "let me fix this" trap.
Oh well, what else would I be doing? I mean except for dating super models, solving decades-old cold cases, and curing cancer.
Such a total mess when it comes to my sitch this week. "That's it I'm done with this crazy Bytch"; just to be followed a few days later by "geesh, I sure do miss her still." Only saving grace - she has not seen my bad attitude this week. Sure got a boat-load of hers though.