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GAL update:

Went to bed around 1:00 am last night but didn't get up until 12:00 noon - guess I was tired! I ventured out to the local Mercado (supermarket) to pick up a few things but spent almost 2 hours there. I found it to be incredibly difficult to buy basic household food items when everything is in Spanish and the workers only speak Spanish. I put a lot of faith in some of my food selections. If I don't ever post again it is because I ate something that probably killed me! smile

Late this afternoon, I took a stroll several blocks east of the apartment and stumbled upon the Museo Nacional Del Prado. At 6:00pm they had free admission and so I waited around and then got to see some fabulous art! Among them included works by Rafael, Le Greco, Velasquez, Goya, Rembrandt and many more. It was truly amazing!

After the museo, I enjoyed sangria and a great dinner with friends and then a leisurely stroll back to the apartment to relax before heading off to bed for the night.

All in all, it was a short but very good day!


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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Score on the free museo entry! I'm so glad you're having such a great time.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
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2,

Some food suggestions:

In the mercado, ask for a block of "turron" or "yema" for a bit of take home desert. Other tasty Spanish desserts in restaurants include natilla (nateeya -- a rice custard), pude de pan (bread pudding), and of course flan.

If you like eggs and potatoes, for breakfast, ask for tortilla (very difft from Mexican tortilla)


Me-53
W-49
D22,D18,D15
T-Since-12/2001
Married-9/2004
She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Piecing start-04/2011
Now-together
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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
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OK, I survived my mercado experience and believe I have had each of the items Busto mentioned above...at least once. The food has been very good for the most part with just a few exceptions mostly attributed to poor choice of restaurant.

Today is/was my last day in Madrid and I have really had a great time. The sights, sounds and smells have been amazing. The architecture has been fascinating and I would definitely recommend a visit to Spain to anyone interested in European culture and architecture.

================================

Regarding the sitch, I have been doing a pretty good job of avoiding even thinking about my marital problems and only had one rough day the other day.

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sad. Before going to bed for the night I went for a late night walk in the city and noticed lots of people out and about. Then I got to thinking that maybe there really is no hope for my M.

I think the trigger was that as I was walking the streets of Madrid I saw so many people in love; holding hands, embracing warmly, sharing passionate kisses and it made me wake up to the realization that I may never have that again.

I shared these feelings I was having with some friends who helped me to clear my head of that kind of thinking and just as quickly as it came over me, it passed. I guess we all have our moments.

==============================

So I've been gone one full week today and was surprised to receive a text message from my W. I was even more surprised by the content of the message. Below is the exchange:

W: "Did u worry i might die in the hosp? "Truth plz".

Me: "Yes, very much so. You went from being in the hospital for pneumonia to being admitted to ICU...directly in front of Dr/Nurses station. Why do you think I didn't want to leave your side?"

W: "Once i cld breathe again i felt pretty good so all i thought was my heart rate was fast. Is there any info u wont tell me? I have a real need to know everything now"

Me: "All I know is your sustained heart rate was 160 for several days. When I run on the treadmill at a speed that is faster than recommended for my age, my heart rate gets to 160 but I only do it for at most 10-15 minutes. Then I feel like dropping dead. Your heart rate was at that level for several days!"

Then she responds with - "Ok, go back and enjoy your trip."

I asked her what was running through her head and she says, "never mind."

To me this kind of conversation clearly calls for some follow up but not via text or from 5000 miles away. I just don't know what to make of this. I mean, we've had these types of discussions before. Everything I shared with her today I've told her before. I just don't know what is prompting her to bring this up again and the part about "Is there any info u wont tell me? I have a real need to know everything now" really strikes me as odd. Whats the urgency? And what difference does it make? She is under the care of very good doctors who are giving her all the information about her condition that is available.

Any suggestions about how I ought to approach this when I get home is appreciated. I am particularly interested in what not to say or what to avoid in conversation. Do I even bring any of this up or do I wait for her to broach the subject?

Thanks for reading and any advice you might have. I'll check back in once I get state side.


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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Maybe, the direness of her situation is sinking in. Maybe a little post traumatic stress? I also feel sometimes, well alot of times that I won't have someone to hold hands with, kiss, love. It hurts.

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I'm back from Spain. Flight got in late yesterday and W and S10 picked me up from the airport. Unfortunately I didn't get the grand "welcome home" I was hoping for. Instead, W sent me a text to say they were waiting on cell phone waiting area and to let her know when I was ready. So that was a bit of a let down.

When we got back to the house and because we had an early morning and long drive to S13's soccer game, I spent the night at the house so I could maximize my sleep before getting on the road in the morning.

The morning started out pretty good with everyone in good spirits. On the long drive to the soccer game, I shared stories about my trip with my W who seemed very interested. We never talked about her text to me while I was in Spain, (see my prior post for details on that). I suppose that will come up at another time.

The drive home was kind of a downer for me because for about 45 minutes W was on the phone with who I'm pretty certain was OM. I was really annoyed that she would be so insensitive to have a conversation with OM while I was in the same car with her.

Anyway, I tried to get over it by trying to keep a PMA and get us home. After we arrived at home, I see the house is a wreck! Dishes piled up and trash overflowing, etc. It makes me crazy! So I thought I'd help out a little and started to put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

Just then W walks up and says I wish you wouldn't do that and I say, why? She said "it makes me feel bad." And I tell her I'm not doing it to make her feel bad, just trying to help out some. With that she walks out of the room.

I felt like saying, W do you know what makes me feel bad? It's when you are on the phone for 45 minutes with OM while we're driving in the car together. Actually that makes me feel like sh!t so how about we both stop making each other feel bad? Of course I said none of that and just bit my tongue.

So anyway, I finish putting the dishes away, start the dishwasher and take out the trash, pack up my belongings from my trip and promptly make my exit.

Upon arriving at my other place, I walk in the door and find my roommate there with his GF and her 3 kids, watching a movie. I felt like a complete intruder and it just compounded my now deteriorating mood.

So I guess to sum things up, I'm feeling pretty crappy at the moment. Kind of like a ship lost at sea with no port to call home. My real home is a place where I am not completely welcome, and my second home is occupied. So where do I go now?


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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2tp - it aint easy man. What we are dealing with it so hard. Sometimes it feels like we are losing our minds but really it is not us. The more we GAL and get help for ourselves the more obvious it is that we are dealing with a wack job.

I honestly think your wifes C is quack because she is not getting your W the help that she needs. I saw many quacks before I found someone that could diagnois me and help me. Now that I am really getting help for depression I can see the other therapist were just barely helping.

Also just watched the movie Young Adult. Although its not about WAS it is about a crazy but high functioning alcoholic. Family didnt really believe she was as bonkers as she was because she was high functioning. Not a happy movie but made me think. These type of breakdowns happen in many different forms.

Hang in their 2, you are a great man and father. And you will be appreciated again by a woman that thinks you are the sexiest.


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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2- I am SO GLAD you got to go to Spain. I'm sure it will be a wonderful memory to keep with you.

I'm sorry the homecoming was so lousy though. I hope you can let go of the negatives and jump into your GAL back home. Definitely no fun feeling like a nomad. I get that feeling sometimes in my own place.

Still keeping my fingers crossed for you on the job. Hope you hear some good news soon!


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
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Glad you had a good trip 2TP... Spain must have been pretty cool... Sorry the return was a downer... but you also seem to have created a mental construct of your return that led to certain expectations...

Quote:
So that was a bit of a let down.

Quote:
The drive home was kind of a downer for me because for about 45 minutes W was on the phone with who I'm pretty certain was OM. I was really annoyed that she would be so insensitive to have a conversation with OM while I was in the same car with her.

Quote:
After we arrived at home, I see the house is a wreck! Dishes piled up and trash overflowing, etc. It makes me crazy!
Your comments are riddled with expectations. An expectation that she'll welcome you home. An expectation that she would be something other than involved with her OM. An expectation that she's become good at the domestic stuff.

Just because you went to Spain doesn't mean she's changed one iota. Maybe the text message made you think things are shifting. And maybe they are, but you won't see those changes on the surface for a long time and until she's ready. You have the power to not let any of those above darken your mood by setting your expectations in line with reality.

As far as your home... you have control there too. First, you feel like an interloper in your roommate's place. Are you? You're assigning a value/feeling to him that he may or may not have. BTW... does this behavior sound familiar? Simply ask him. Ask him if you're presence or something like the other night makes him uncomfortable. He'll tell you. Or he won't, but if he doesn't that's his problem. You did the adult thing and asked him. What you're doing now is creating a feeling for him that you have no idea is valid or not and then allowing that fictional condition to drive how you feel.

And if he says that it does make it difficult... well, you'll have to make a decision. Find a new place or work out a system/situation that works for the two of you. Being roommates has similarities to being married... the communication piece is required for both.


Married 6 together 8
Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both
SS12, SD10, S6
Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann)
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CES - thanks for the post. Still waiting to hear about the job. I wrapped up interview #4 a week ago last Thursday and they knew I was away last week, so I'm hoping to hear from them in the next few days. Fingers crossed!!!!

Originally Posted By: workinghardguy
Glad you had a good trip 2TP... Spain must have been pretty cool... Sorry the return was a downer... but you also seem to have created a mental construct of your return that led to certain expectations...


Quote:
So that was a bit of a let down.


It was a let down not because I was expecting a hug from my W at the airport but because I was hoping to be able to greet the kids at the airport in the terminal. You know how heart warming it is to see others greet their loved ones after coming back from a trip? I was hoping for that and it didn't happen.

Quote:
The drive home was kind of a downer for me because for about 45 minutes W was on the phone with who I'm pretty certain was OM. I was really annoyed that she would be so insensitive to have a conversation with OM while I was in the same car with her.


Quote:
After we arrived at home, I see the house is a wreck! Dishes piled up and trash overflowing, etc. It makes me crazy!


Quote:
Your comments are riddled with expectations. An expectation that she'll welcome you home. An expectation that she would be something other than involved with her OM. An expectation that she's become good at the domestic stuff.

Just because you went to Spain doesn't mean she's changed one iota. Maybe the text message made you think things are shifting. And maybe they are, but you won't see those changes on the surface for a long time and until she's ready. You have the power to not let any of those above darken your mood by setting your expectations in line with reality.


I suppose you are right. We are going on 7 months since the bomb and it's been 4 months since I moved out. I must admit that I am growing weary.

Quote:
As far as your home... you have control there too. First, you feel like an interloper in your roommate's place. Are you? You're assigning a value/feeling to him that he may or may not have. BTW... does this behavior sound familiar? Simply ask him. Ask him if you're presence or something like the other night makes him uncomfortable. He'll tell you. Or he won't, but if he doesn't that's his problem. You did the adult thing and asked him. What you're doing now is creating a feeling for him that you have no idea is valid or not and then allowing that fictional condition to drive how you feel.


This is a good reminder. It turns out that roommates S8 was in town (his mother lives out of state) and so roommates GF and her kids were over there and kids were playing with his son who I had not seen when I first walked into the house.

And so it turns out to be a mis-queue for me but it sure fit nicely with my mood as I walked through the door. The mind sure does a number on human emotions!!

Quote:
And if he says that it does make it difficult... well, you'll have to make a decision. Find a new place or work out a system/situation that works for the two of you. Being roommates has similarities to being married... the communication piece is required for both.


This is true and we don't have a problem communicating, at all. It was just my initial reaction to events based upon my mindset at that moment which has now passed.


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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