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Your Co-worker gave you good advice. Once I changed my focus on ex, OW, dates that stood out - I healed much quicker.

I used the Stop Sign technique. When I found myself starting to think about one of those things - I put up the stop sign with my hand in front of my face. I allowed myself ONE MINUTE to think whatever I wanted to think about it then I had to force myself to stop and think about something else. Anything else. And it worked.

Life is too short to live with regret. Get out and do all the fun things life has to offer.

It is finally a gorgeous day at the lake and Josh is working from home here (always does on Friday). He just told me he is knocking off at 1:30!!! I'm so excited. We can enjoy the afternoon on the water!

Cheer up buttercup - the good far outweighs the bad. And your cup is overflowing!

Barb

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Saturday was a tough day. I shunned XW a couple of times during the day and then during the performance I said to myself that was silly. So after D9's tap performance was over I consciously went down and enjoyed the triumphant time with XW.

It helped that BF wasn't there. I doubt I would have done that if they were together. That's the next step.

Then D13 went to her grandma's, D9 went home with me and XW chose to go .... wherever.

On Sunday, after church, I consciously asked XW to come outside so I could wish her happy mother's day.

Then I spent a few hours on the phone with my sister to get through the day.

Since about midway through Sunday, I've felt better. For a couple of reasons.

I won't HAVE to see XW and BF again until ... the fall maybe when D13 is back in school and back in theater. And I'm going to be a volunteer next fall in D13's play. I've backed off way too much from the theater group. I need to get back involved so it doesn't just become D13's thing with XW.

Still, this'll give me more months to get more water under the bridge.

Second thing -- and it shows again how far I have to go to detach. D9 received a prayer card for donating to one of church's fundraising activities. On it, she asked for money for XW because "mom is out of money" as she explained it to me.

And unfortunately, that made me feel better. I keep falling into the LBS trap of imagining how great her life is without me. The fact that she has money troubles doesn't surprise me. She got a $5,000 bonus in March and apparently burned through it all in eight weeks.

I guess it reminded me that my life is exceedingly hectic and difficult and tiring ... but overall I'm heading in the right direction.


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Originally Posted By: ClingingToHope
And unfortunately, that made me feel better.

So if she suffers, you feel better?

Originally Posted By: ClingingToHope
I keep falling into the LBS trap of imagining how great her life is without me.

And if she's happy, you're miserable?

That means your self-esteem and emotional state are directly a result of your perceptions of her???

You will be healed when you stop giving her that power over you.


Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
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Yes. I hope to get to that point eventually. I have my first counseling session since 2010 tomorrow. There's lots of levels to this.

Part of it is control. I am doing well in all of the things I can control.

* I've found enough extra work that I can actually pay my bills and save for future stuff. That was a tremendous worry in 09-10.

* I feel pretty good -- I've had to give up some things like playing basketball and weekend softball. But I've traded it with some great workout routines.

* I have a career plan for the future so that I'm not stuck in a dead end industry until the layoff train rolls through again.

What I can't control is XW's feelings for me or my love life in general. I can't make someone want me -- and that still hurts.

My sister and I talked about this Sunday. We both try to manipulate people and our surroundings. She thinks we got this from our mother.

Oh so much to talk about tomorrow.

Tired tonight. Umpired little league baseball and in the second game the score was 40-1. The visitors batted five times and scored their 8 run limit in each inning.

I was always in very competitive leagues and never took a beating like that -- well, until the divorce.


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First meeting with counselor and I used up the hour just getting her caught up. I'm seeing her again on June 6 to get my mind set for summer.

That running race company where I made $2,500 each of the last three years again doesn't need us. So we're 0 for 3 in getting races we usually get. I think that gig is over for good. Thank God for the umpiring. In that respect, I umpired a game of 10-year-olds last night where the final score was 40 to 1. It was brutal -- but hey, it was another $30.


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
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Originally Posted By: ClingingToHope
What I can't control is XW's feelings for me or my love life in general. I can't make someone want me -- and that still hurts.


Yep. That stuff does hurt. When you think about it though....it makes sense to be with someone who WANTS to be with you, and stop chasing anyone who doesn't. Doesn't that make sense?
A lot of our misery is created by the activity of the mind. I, like you, love a woman who doesn't love me anymore. I think I have to accept that, as hurtful as it is...and stop 'resisting' it. Resisting only causes suffering...that's s fact. We want what we don't have. Seems like if we want what we DO have...we'll always have what we want! Maybe a little Zen...but there is, I believe, A LOT to be said for 'accepting' whatever...might as well accept it.,.because resisting it only causes more suffering.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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Maybe the blessing in all this for you will be learning to let go and give up the need to control. It will be quite liberating when it happens smile


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
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You know Wii, my counselor said the same thing.


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Until we learn to accept, we cling to things being the way they have been, or we wish they were, or want them to be, or hope they will be. We resist.
When we learn to accept everything that comes into our lives, we are free from the pain and suffering of resistance.

And nobody said it was easy.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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No. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. There are times, when I'm calm, when I remember that I've really had a pretty easy life. And this definitely isn't easy. I hope to look back in 10 years and say, you know I handled that pretty well.


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
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