Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[whatisis]

Careful CTH, if you are picking up that Church_32 is not interested then don't start finding more ways to hang out or make contact with her. You're heading for heartache!

[ClingingToHope]

I know Wii. I took Friday as a hopeful sign but Saturday wasn't so hopeful. I won't text her again until I need to. She knows I'm interested.

I'm keeping the Thursday night church group going in part to be around Church-32, but more so because the way it's set up we have three or four new people join in and drop out every six months. It's a great friend generator. Friday, Saturday and Sunday I hung out with people from the church group. It has soooo expanded my friend horizons.

Sad/happy note today. XW is taking the kids to her mom's because someone is coming to see the house. When it sells I'll still be sad. It's the only house the girls have ever called home, and I used to think we'd move from there to our dream home.

Happy note is I mentioned to D13 that I hope they stay within bike riding distance so we don't have to get two sets of bikes. D13 said XW doesn't plan to move out of the district, which caught me by surprise. If it's true, that's perfect. Then I'll still be able to see them every day during the school year and can continue the daily schedule as is.

Stressing a little about August trip to Canada to see my aunt. We may not be able to stay with my aunt because one of her son's and his family might be in town at the same time. If that's the case, I'll take $1,000 of the $12,500 I'm getting from XW's retirement and put it in the vacation fund. The rest I'm setting aside for my Master's.

Couple of other interesting things have popped up. One of the ladies I took to lunch last year is back on OKCupid. She'd started dating someone so I never got a second lunch. We exchanged a couple of messages. I'm toying with asking her if she's available for that second lunch.

Also, an older lady -- by two years -- called me today. I think she's interested, but I'm not. She's a bit out there. She's fun though and been through the whole divorce thing so she's good to talk to -- on a limited basis.

Final note. I picked up the third volume of Edmund Morris' biography of Theodore Roosevelt. I always admired him, but after reading his biography I admire him even more so.

Something interesting from the first of the trilogy. He was married young, but his first wife died after childbirth. He was heartbroken for nearly two years. Said he had nothing to live for. While recovering though, he systematically erased every reminder of her as possible -- other than their daughter -- and then never spoke of her again. He was despondent for 21 months before reconnecting with his childhood love.

The moral of the story is he didn't look back -- ever.

[kat727]

Well except for reconnecting with his childhood love! lol

[ClingingToHope]

Good news today. Got assigned to 30 little league baseball games in May and June. Two per night, so 15 nights. That's not so many that I'll be overwhelmed and that's $900. It'll be enough to send me sailing into July in a good place financially.

If we get our normal running races in April, May and early June, I'm going to be able to put money ahead for December and next year.

Lots of Facebook contact with Church-32 last night. We're recruiting people to join our growth group this weekend.

I have the girls and it'll be a lot of coming and going. Saturday, I'm running in my first race. It's just a 5k. I doubt my foot can take much more. That's early so I'll leave the girls at home.

I have to head to church for one session Saturday and two Sunday for the growth group. There's a co-worker fundraiser Sunday afternoon -- his son has some rare disorder and they are way in debut -- and my first softball game of the year Sunday afternoon.

I have to buy new softball spikes. I used the others until the soles tore off.

And Saturday night D13 wants to see the Hunger Games. So I have to figure out what to do with D9.

I really hope I like the umpiring. This could be a nice little two-month bump for the rest of the child support years.

Wednesday was a bit of a rough night. D9 was really emotional again at bedtime. Really down. I listened for a long time. She finally perked up by telling me about this farm she's gotten to go to twice. It's XW's BF's friends house. She really likes it.

I wasn't happy, but I hid it from D9. Hey, I know XW is going to have some good times with the girls, and I knew about this farm. All I can do is maximize my time with them. I really feel my snowball is starting to roll and pick up steam.

I'm doing well not looking back. My thought of this week is "I am Teddy Roosevelt. I don't look back." I didn't want to type in the Wednesday conversation, but this site is my online diary. Someday, when this is as faded as the burns on my foot from when I was 5-years-old, I will go back through and read about the progress.

Another important step Monday. Turn over everything I have on the November auto accident to a lawyer and let him pursue a settlement. I'm tired of waiting on these guys.

[ClingingToHope]

Waaayyyy overscheduled this weekend. In fact, May and June are going to be very busy. And usually this is a good thing. It's definitely a necessary thing because of my financial situation.

But today I'm very tired and very down because I haven't spent as much time with my daughters as I should. They said they've had great weekends and that's all that matters, but I'm feeling guilty.

More tomorrow.

[ClingingToHope]

Developer friend has space in his luxury suite for some foreign symphony this Saturday. Not really my thing, but I hate to turn down something free and new.

It's a date thing though so I texted Church-32 to see if she wants to go.

My head says she'll say no. My heart says she may say yes. Either way, it was time to see if anything different is developing.

Having to listen to a lot of inspirational stuff on the computer and at home to settle my brain. Girls have three public events over the next four weeks and the chance that I'll have to share the auditorium with XW and her BF is raising my anxiety level.

Back in a reduced energy state again. The little league baseball umpiring starts this weekend -- bonus -- and I'm very apprehensive for some reason. I think I'll be good at it, but at this point in life I hate to be in any drama so I'm not looking forward to snarky parents, coaches and players.

But I HAVE to do it. I really need the money. And the fact that I may work every single weekend that I don't have the girls is depressing me right now.

Sometimes it helps to look 10 years in the future and think that I'll be looking back on this time with wonder at how I got through it. But then I just look at the calendar and wonder how I'm going to get everything in.

[ClingingToHope]

Listening to a TED talk on the three A's of awesomeness. The speaker writes a blog posting awesome things every day. 1000awesomethings.com.

Not a bad idea.

Awesome things today?

Hmmmm. I spent $123 on umpiring clothes. It is awesome that a coworker gave me a mask, chest protector and shin guards. That would have cost me $200 or so.

I will be opening a Kids Club account for D9 today. It's her first step, at least to me, to adulthood.

This talk on TED is pretty awesome. The author says attitude, awareness and authenticity are the keys to an awesome life.

My thought of the day is pretty awesome. I've always kind of coasted. I've never really pushed myself and had to face adversity alone. This is my chance to embrace the challenge. This is the time in my life that I'll look back at later and be able to give people authentic advice.

[whatisis]

Awesome post...you had to know that was coming, right?

[ClingingToHope]

I've been taking a break from the boards for a while. I've been coming here every time I hit a bit of a bump or see or hear about XW with BF. That just gets me thinking about it all over again.

Journaling -- was a little league ump this past weekend for the first time and ... it was fun. I worked six games -- one more than scheduled because an ump didn't show. My first game was awful. My third game had all kinds of weird crap in it. Otherwise, it went pretty smoothly. They paid me extra for having to do four games by myself. I made $265. I'm already scheduled for enough games to make an extra $1,040. If nothing else happens, this extra will get me through summer.

I'm also less than a month away from being able to redo my 401(k) loan and pay off my car. Every little bit helps.

D13 had her school play Friday night and she nailed it. XW came alone. After we sat together for 10 minutes waiting for D13. She jabbered away -- she's a lot more talkative now that we're not together. I listened and stared straight ahead.

Then I took D13 out for the after play party before heading out with friends.

Funny thing is when I did go out I saw my very first girlfriend. She got divorced last year as well. I never really got over her either -- first love. She was out with her new boyfriend. He seems like a nice guy, but he's about 50 pounds overweight.

So my XW and first love both are dating guys way overweight. I thought to myself, should I quit staying in shape and start scarfing down cheeseburgers every day?

Saturday and Sunday were the umpiring and my legs were shot so I didn't do much Saturday night.

Monday, I took D9 to her dance class and then dropped the girls off at XW's. She stayed home because she had dental surgery and when I pulled up, there was BF's truck. I wasn't expecting that and my face froze and the girls noticed. But I said everything was fine and let them out.

I emailed XW later to ask if we can permanently switch week nights. I've been having the girls on Wednesdays since August 2009. I thought it would be a nice mid-week thing and it has been.

But the local chamber of commerce and economic development council have their public events on Wednesdays. They have one hour networking before each event. The events are important for work. The networking is what I really want to go to.

Plus, I'd rather have a schedule where I have the girls four days in a row rather than one on, one off, then three days in a row. Now, there's too much back and forth.

The bad thing is it would necessitate me moving or eliminating the church group. I'd be inclined just to move it. But in the end, that's not that big of a deal.

[SunFunOne]

The switch would be better for the girls than so much back and forth too. I was on the Chamber of Commerce for years and you meet lots of good people at their networking events. Sounds pretty reasonable.

Stop focussing on other people's weight and focus only on your own. Just because someone is overweight does not mean they would make a good life partner. And how do you know they're not working on it. To suggest, even in jest, that you might want to stop working out and scarf down cheeseburgers is ridiculous. You stay in shape for YOU and no one else. Remember - you should focus on someone's personality more than their physical appearance.

Barb