Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[imthemom]

clinging..
I totally relate to this post....
am hopeing that time will fix that...If not I think Im in for a really miserable life, and that is NOT what I want so I just keep on getting up every morning and putting myself out there.
My Higher Power has plans for me, I just know it...

[kml]

Why can't I let go?

I feel like I'm 9 years old again with messy hair, buck teeth and unstylish clothes wondering if anyone will ever like me.

Ummm...I think you answered your own question. Her abandonment is stirring up your own unresolved issues from childhood. It's not all about her at this point - it's about your feelings of being unlovable.

Was just talking with someone else about a book by Richo called When the Past is Present. About how childhood issues affect our adult relationships. I haven't read it, but read another book of his - How to be An Adult in Relationships - which was marvelous. You might check out the first book and see if it sounds familiar.

Also - although it's not a bandaid and you need to work on resolving your issues - but you WILL feel more lovable once you are in a loving relationship again. And that takes going through the yucky process of dating, with all its weirdnesses and disappointments. You may need to start making a little room in your life for that.

[SunFunOne]

"I Choose to be happy - because it is good for my health"

One of my best DB pals just posted that on FB> I suck at copy and paste (I'm blonde) - or I would have posted the pretty colours it came in.

Anyway - it applies here.

I walked in your shoes. I KNOW how it feels. I chose NOT to meet OW and make her a part of my life. But my kids were not involved with her either.

I don't know how to make the nasty feelings go away - it takes time but I DO know how to bite my tongue around my kids and to "put on the face"

Barb

[Drew]

Somehow, and only you can figure out how ---

You need to take your power back from her.

What she does should no longer affect your mood and attitude and clearly it still does. Just stop. Picture the STOP sign in your head if you have to, but stop.

Life is full of endings. Living is about new beginnings. It's in your control, you just need to realize it and live it.

Life's too short, man. Don't miss the good stuff.

[SunFunOne]

Further to what Drew is saying...

"He who angers me, controls me".

I remember reading this on a sign in front of my church during my Mom's funeral which was the week my divorce became final. It has stayed with me.

Barb

[ClingingToHope]

I had the meeting --- and this is progress because I probably would have skipped it in 2010.

It's just so hard because we're sitting there discussing with the park district how to make this particular summer camp work for D9 and XW would keep looking over at me for input, trying to make eye contact.

And then after I had to follow her to the car to get a dress for D9 and then have her offer up alternatives to D13 staying with her because she didn't plan on being home. My face felt like it was made of stone.

I know it's my own insecurities doing me in. Walking over there I was thinking about what a lousy marriage it actually was. The months of not being able to even put a hand on her shoulder. The silent treatment. The tension of over opening the bills and having to find money because she over spent. The times she blew up at teachers and I'd have to clean it up. The continual feeling of "this is as good as it gets and how can I live with this."

I was terribly, terribly unhappy too. But at least -- to the outside world -- I had someone who cared enough to marry me.

Yes. My sense of self worth was shattered three years ago and it still is awfully fragile.

I need long-term counseling. At least in 2009 and early 2010 I could go to a counselor through my work Employee Assistance Program. They don't offer that anymore. I am hoping to get something through my insurance.

I realize and everyone can remind me that with time this will get better. But it doesn't help me today. I just want to run from the problem, like a little kid going to his room to shut out the world.

Part of what really hurts is that I see it is affecting my daughters and if there is one thing I pride myself on it is being a great father, and now I'm feeling like I'm failing there as well.

I am a complete mess today.

[Drew]

I am a complete mess today.

Maybe you are. We're all human, it's allowed.

Sometimes you just need to get it out.

Hang in there.

Get some rest.

Tommorrow will be better.

[whatisis]

Ditto what Drew said. We all feel overwhelmed sometimes. Yesterday I felt like crap, physically and emotionally. Today I feel great. Tomorrow will be a new day CTH and with a new day there's always a new hope

[ClingingToHope]

Trying to grind through these next three days. Dress rehearsal tonight for D9. No XW involvement.

Tomorrow, going to see my old boss. She finally sold her home so she can move full time to Florida. She's having a rummage sale. I'm taking the girls -- they both spent lots of time talking to her in her office.

Then I'm buying a new laptop computer to become the bookkeeper for my sister's business. She's lending me the money -- $750 -- and I'm going to work it off over the next 10 months.

Then dance recital -- sitting with D13. Then D9 and I head home together, she comes to church with me the next day and then I drop her off.

There's lots I could do with Sunday. I'll be interested to see how I feel. Right now, I'm exhausted. I could imagine taking a full sleeping pill and just sleeping the day away.

Sunday is the three-year anniversary of me moving out. It all blew up for good on Mother's Day 2009. A coworker said I have to forget all these anniversaries.

[antlers]

We all feel overwhelmed sometimes. Yesterday I felt like crap, physically and emotionally. Today I feel great. Tomorrow will be a new day and with a new day there's always a new hope.

There's so much truth to that statement...

Sometimes you feel so bad, or hurt so bad, that you don't think it'll end...then, it does. You feel better.