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Antlers, I think or hope that someday I'll get there with XW. I felt I was headed in the right direction and was surprised at how down I've felt in the last month.

Fib, I am trying to prepare for the day this guy or some guy shows up at D13 or D9 events. It'll come and I actually had a bit of a panic attack when I considered he might be at her 13th birthday party.

Who knows how life will turn out? I can't dread the future. I want all of my girls "big" moments to be happy ones -- first real boyfriend, homecoming, prom, high school and college graduation and weddings. I do not want the girls to have to worry about me when planning these things. So I have to man up and I will -- with time.

SFO, my best friend is the CFO of a data company down there and this will be our second trip to visit since the breakup. Key West will be new. I can't wait for the Catamaran trip.

If there's one thing I can cling to it is the fun I have taking my daughters places. When I'm dead and gone I want their memories not to be dominated by the sad divorce but rather by all the things we experienced together.

I can't erase the divorce. They asked me a sad question a couple of weeks ago. "Are we doomed. Are we going to get divorced to because our parents are divorced?"

I told them that love is a choice. People get married because they feel the love. But that fades, even in the best of marriages, and it comes down to deciding to be in love.

I told them I wasn't taught that by my parents. My dad died before we could talk about stuff like this and my mom was a "feel" love person. She went from relationship to relationship thinking this was the magical one only to jump ship once the honeymoon effect was over.


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
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Originally Posted By: ClingingToHope
Antlers, I think or hope that someday I'll get there with XW. I felt I was headed in the right direction and was surprised at how down I've felt in the last month.

Again, in your own time bro. I can relate to the "down" feelings. They happen. As do setbacks. But overall, as long as the movement continues to be forward...regardless of how slow or small the steps are, you're making progress. That's a good thing.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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IT is making me move my photos off my work computer. I've accumulated a lot of stuff. Most of it made me smile.


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
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Another shoe dropped today. D13 is in the second weekend of her latest round of youth theater plays. I went to opening night last Friday and bought tickets for the Saturday and Sunday afternoon plays.

I am fairly sure XW knows I was coming to those plays. I remember texting her to that fact and telling D13 as well.

XW brought the boyfriend. She did not give me the heads up that he would be there.

In the intermission, I was upstairs buying popcorn and water. D13 was selling raffle tickets. I bought one from here. She said "mom just bought 15."

I looked and there was XW talking to about four people. Usually, she's back stage so I wasn't expecting to see her.

I decided to move to the opposite side of the lobby to finish my popcorn. I looked over and there he was -- motorcycle guy -- standing next to her. I moved a bit to make sure.

She looked so happy. And I froze. I knew it was coming but I wasn't ready for it to be today. I turned and headed to my car and I've been on the phone with all the divorced friends I have since.

There were five plays this weekend. I could have gone to the other four had I known he was coming. To me, it was damn heartless not to tell me. But she's never told me the truth about this guy. She denied they were dating in summer 2009. She denied she went on the South Dakota trip with him. I only found out they were dating again because D13 told me.

I ran this past all of the divorced friends. And they encouraged me to text her instead of burying it.

So I sent her this:

"I believe I told you that I was coming to the afternoon plays Saturday and Sunday. I would have appreciated a heads up that you were bringing your boyfriend."

That may make me look week. But I want to know if this guy is going to be somewhere at the same time I am so I can be mentally ready. 20 years from now I won't care, but it's still an open wound. Not telling me when she knows I'm going to be there is pretty heartless.


Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11
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Hi CTH. Buddy, I know if hurts. And I empathise with you, regarding that hurt. But the truth is, you two are divorced. And she does not 'owe' you a heads up that her boyfriend is going to be with her when she goes somewhere...even if she knows you are going to be there. I'm on your side dude...but I believe you're wrong about this.
Stay as strong as you can for your daughter. Never tire of doing what is right. I'm sorry that you're hurting.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
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Sorry buddy. It hurts but like antlers said, you're divorced. She owes you nothing and is living her life.


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

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Perhaps I'm different. I remember when I was dating DHU_41, I kind of plotted things out in my head. I'd planned to bring her to this weekend's plays. We would have been dating 4 months. I planned on getting two tickets and then texting XW to say I'd be bringing a date, someone I'd been seeing 4 months.

To me, that's common courtesy. True, she doesn't "owe" me anything. I guess I just hoped for some consideration to my feelings. Mishka, I am guessing you would have done that for Gabe.

But this is the same woman who didn't even ask what I was having surgery for in 2009 and never once called to ask if I was OK.


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She wouldn't have cared if you had texted her that. She'd have probably thought "Why is he texting me that? We are divorced! He can do what's he wants...he doesn't have to give me a heads up about anything!"
You miss the emotional connection with her. I understand that...I can relate. But for her, there is no emotional connection anymore.


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While it is obvious that you still care about her feelings she has been done for a long time. Sure she would care if you were in an accident sort of thing but otherwise, she is way past this. Let her go. It's over.

kat


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Hi C2H: I totally "get" how you feel. I agree with Gineen. She might have been considerate enough to let you know but she didn't. Texting her was wrong. It sure won't help things.

But anyway - I am sorry that you are hurt - that really [censored]. I hope things get better after this.


Barb

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