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jc180 #2245803 New05/16/12 10:59 PM
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JC keep moving forward. Perhaps you should report the fraud to the IRS as well.

I do not know what to say about the custody vs discovery. Is the discovery something you can back at her over ? Especially if you tie in the Fraud she committed with the IRS. That you will have to get legal advice on. Out of my pay scale.


Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul.
unconditional love is awesome!
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My W has filed for a continuance for the social study. We are going to argue against it but in all likelyhood it will be ordered. If that's the case we will ask for discovery and that she pay all the fees. Once again my attorney suggested they are dragging things out to drain my funds. So back to court I go. I wish I had a time machine to go back and tell my W how her future self is behaving. She would never believe it.

Saw my shrink today. It was a good session again. Lots to think about. One is why is my W postponing the D? Since the beginning she has been adamant about divorce. She never wanted to even try separation. She always wanted her "freedom". Also, why is she fighting so hard for full custody when I already agreed to joint? She always seemed to prefer going to the gym over coming straight home to see my son. It seems to me he would weigh down her freedom. I was the maternal one who stayed up late at night for feedings and when he was sick. Does she not remember that? I think this is all her way of punishing me. In the past when I asked her why we couldn't move on towards reconsiliation she told me "I think I just want to make you suffer". Well she is doing a great job.

I'm not sure I know what I'm doing anymore. I still love her and want to DB as much as possible but I don't see how it could even work. I hardly ever see her and when I do it is only for a few minutes in passing. She barely speaks to me. So how do I DB in this situation. I know GAL is for me but isn't part of it to show her that ive changed for myself and isn't that supposed to stir some feelings in her? At what point do you know that it is hopeless? When I told my therapist what she said when I confronted her about being on birth control she told me it sounds like she told you exactly what she has planned. That hurts so much. To think that she is already ready, willing, and able to jump into bed with whoever. What happened to my sweet conservative wife? I don't know what to believe. I still want to believe her so much when she tells me she hasn't slept with anyone. That was so long ago now. Who has she become?


Married:11yr
Son:2yr
Bomb 8/2011
Asked for divorce 10/2011
Returned 11/2011
WAW 3/2012
jc180 #2246201 New05/18/12 01:00 AM
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Actually JC I think she would believe it and would have adjusted herself to come down harder on you. Go for full custody. Go for as much child support and everything else you can get. The spearhead has a great article on this called Decoding the behaviour of american women. Its well worth the read.

How you db this. You fix yourself. Stop thinking about her. Her actions say all you need to know. The question you should be asking is why you want to be with a person who can do this to you and your son on a whim.


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I just want to clarify.

She is the one who needs to change my friend. And earn your trust. Earn your respect. Earn your love.


Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul.
unconditional love is awesome!
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I read the article. I have to say I don't entirely agree with the premise. I will think it over some more.

Why do I want to be with someone who can do this to my son and I on a whim? It's illogical. I am focused on the 16 great years and not the past almost 3 years of shameless behavior. I also know that I am not entirely blameless in the breakup and I have tremendous guilt for my son living in a broken home. Granted it was not my choice to end the marriage. But I was raised by parents who had an awful divorce and I fear having to relive that and for my son to experience that. I guess that after the divorce is final I will shift my thinking to creating as good of a co-parenting situation as I can. It's the finality of it all that is weighing down on me.


Married:11yr
Son:2yr
Bomb 8/2011
Asked for divorce 10/2011
Returned 11/2011
WAW 3/2012
jc180 #2249444 New05/29/12 04:36 PM
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Well what a roller coaster weekend. I had to go to court last Thursday for a petition to have a social study done. While I was waiting for my lawyer my wife comes into the hallway and sit next to me. We talked for a few minutes about our son and caught up with each other. The judge decided that we would have a mediator and that there would be no social study.

On my way home I got a text from my wife congratulating me on getting a good job. Later on she asked me if I wanted to have lunch. So I was very confused. We hadn't spoken very much at all and now she wanted to have lunch. I suspected that she wanted to talk about the mediation and our visitation schedule.
Later she changed the plans and I met her at our home for lunch.
I let her set the tone and reminded myself of the 180 rules. It didn't take long for her to bring up our relationship. I validated her feelings and didn't offer any resistance. I told her that I couldn't disagree with anything she was saying. To be fair she wasn't attacking me or being aggressive. It was not what I expected.

We were both going to a ceremony at our sons daycare later in the day. So she asked me if I wanted to go shopping with them for some clothes. I of course said yes and so we went. It was nice spending time with them both and I think my son was acting more relaxed. As the time for the ceremony came near she asked if I wanted to go with them in one vehicle. I was conscious of not over staying my welcome and made that clear. She said she would like it if we all went together. The ceremony was cute and the kids sang songs. My in-laws were there and they were very nice, but they did have a confused look on their faces. I imagine I did as well. This was not what I was expecting considering we were just in court earlier in the day. Afterward we went and got dinner.

Our son fell asleep on the way home so we had time to talk some more. It was all very constructive and there was no heated exchanges. In fact I could tell she didn't want me to leave. So we decided I would stay and she would leave because the next morning was our day to switch custody. So she left. About 30 minutes later I heard the garage door opening and went to see what it was. She came back with a shy grin on her face! She said she had been missing me for days and on her way to her moms she thought "what am I doing? He is my husband" so she grabbed some clothes and came back home.

We spent the whole weekend together and even took a trip to the beach. I let her know my thoughts and what I needed from our relationship. She did the same. We both agreed the divorce came too fast and overwhelmed us both. She told me she feels different towards me, ready to commit to making it work. She knows it is going to be a bumpy road but she keeps telling me she is happy and she loves me.

So today I am going to call my lawyer and stop the divorce. She is going to do the same.


Married:11yr
Son:2yr
Bomb 8/2011
Asked for divorce 10/2011
Returned 11/2011
WAW 3/2012
jc180 #2249448 New05/29/12 04:59 PM
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Wow! Great news!

I was feeling a little down today, but your post has lifted my spirits!


M-40
W-33
D3, D4, SD13
T 9 YEARS
M 5 YEARS
ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
jc180 #2249559 New05/29/12 10:10 PM
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Whoa! I must have missed this earlier. WOW!

I don't have any specific advice as I'm not where you are yet. I'd just say take it SLOOOOOWWWW!

But I'm happy things are working out for you and your W. We need more stories like this!


Me:37
H:GONE

Happy and loving life.
RoRoinMD #2249573 New05/29/12 11:19 PM
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Wow, great news. So happy for you.

unbidden #2249574 New05/29/12 11:23 PM
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Wow, what a change of heart. I'm glad things are going so well for you.

Please keep posting and let us know how things are going. I can use all of the encouraging stories I can find!


M36 XH34
M-5 T7
4/11 H confused
5/11 ILYB
6/11 OW discovered
7/11 I move out, OW over
5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file
9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3
3/13 H/OW break up
H files 4/13
D 6/18/13
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