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8anb Offline OP
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i had a good time - although it took forever for my food to come out- it was free so i did not complain. it is a new restaurant and they are still getting it together.

anyway, i continue to pray for h everyday to have strength and courage to get through this and for our family to have patience, courage and understanding with h during this time:)
i have not had the best in life, and sometimes wonder what i did to deserve this then realize that God does not give one more than we can handle - but my entire time with h has been great and i continue to pray God does not take h away from me during this process.

well, i am trying to gal with d this weekend as gc will be with other family. looking forward to a movie or shopping.
and yes, i truly believe h is in mlc - these actions could not be anything but that

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8anb Offline OP
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okay, so saw h today at my work and told him i missed him and h said "i miss you too". I know that i should not have said that, but it was good to see him and I really miss him.
h had been calling the past few days, i just did not answer the phone - h only calls me at work and does not leave a message. I know h is currently "moving on" with ow as if it were real, i.e. they are married or an actual couple. what i mean is they are living life as if h is single with no family or worries and life is good.
h has done things in the last 5 wks since moving out/in with ow that seem odd to me, but i am trying not to read into anything. such as, taking a physical for xtra life insurance a policy that i took out for both of us; h states he is unsure of how long we will live separate as we are; still has all his belongings at house and yet has not gone out and bought new stuff (clothing specifically); still has family pictures and christmas picture of us at up at the office.
Again, not reading into anything, just weird stuff to me at least. well, this weekend d and i are going out of town (about an hour or so away) to shop and just get out of this town for a bit so that should be nice.
if anyone has any comments or suggestions, i am open to them. i still pray daily, several times, that h will come to senses and return - although i do not forsee the a with the ow to end anytime prior to the next 5-6 months or so:( and until that ends i see no way for progress to happen.

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8anb Offline OP
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ok so had an alright weekend, went away to shop and spent time with d. next week is spring break and we are going out of town to visit friend for a week.
in the meantime, spoke with h on friday who was upset that i was not communicating to him and stated we need to keep the lines of communication open - not sure what h wants. if i contact him he does not seem open to communicate, however, when h contacts me he wants to communicate and talk when it's for his convenience.
over the weekend, saw h at his part time job so he could see d, which was nice for them both. H acted as if things were ok and the sitaution was alright.
i was also told by someone who knows h that h stated even if current ow does not work out, h is not returning to house/family - is this normal? still trying to figure if h is in mlc or just wanting out of m - anyone have any insight???

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Yes, they say that. Mine did.


Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11

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8anb Offline OP
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So, does h just want out of the marriage or is h in mlc?

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job Offline
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Most likely both. In MLC they think that we are the problem, as well as the relationship. Therefore, they want a divorce and many will not even attempt to work on the relationship after they have entered MLC. Once they get divorce into their heads, very very few will opt not to continue to move forward with the action. Many will kick and scream divorce and will stall along the way, others will charge right out the gate and get it done. For those who kick, scream and then stall, many of the lbs will eventually get fed up and file themselves. Why? To protect what is left of the assets, not be liable for what their spouses are spending funds on, etc. Many lbs will eventually get tired of the bs after a long period of time and just file in order to move on w/their lives.

I know that this may not have been the answers you were looking for, but you need to prepare yourself for whatever your spouse may throw your way.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Mine just had an aversion to the old "ball and chain scenario". Marriage in general made him ill. He stopped wearing the wedding ring and did not want any responsibility related to family. He even said to me while married, "the dating scene out there is horrible", WTF......

Snodderly's advice is excellent. Protecting the marital assets at this point is key. My ex was on a wild wild spending spree, spending $50,000 - 70,000 per month on himself. I filed for divorce to save the assets. He did not care what he did.


Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11

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Posts: 2,549
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I really believe my ex would not have divorced me. He told me so just recently in fact ( not like that means anything). He continully stated he wanted out, that he was not in love me, etc.... I don't think I could have standed it much longer. Once the money started flying out the door though, I had to take action.


Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11

Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 43
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8anb Offline OP
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Thanks for the response. At this point I have not idea what is going on with h. Just saw them yesterday and seems to be more self absorbed with himself - no shame in texting ow while d and myself are standing there. when things first started, h would at least try to hide what he was doing, not now.
currently, thinking i will hold on for a bit just to see where things go - as long as h does not move maybe i will not either and we will see where this gets us......

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8anb Offline OP
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So, its been over 6 months since h left. Well, the support of his family has dwindled, his son does not speak to me or the 3 children with me; h is continually avoiding me acting as if I do not exist - not that i have tried to talk with him -but he has to come by my office for business and who does not stop by to speak to their wife?
he recently spent huge amount of $ to take ow to dr - as she must not have insurance and supposedly visited his mom by himself. i find this hard to believe since it has been over a year since he was at his mom's house and continues to tell his family they need to accept ow as they are together now.
h has not mentioned anything in reference to family nor does he know what goes on day to day at the house - i.e. the dryer broke, then the washer, the hotwater heater had to be replaced, the mower broke and there are huge problems between my son and me - as he never respected me but loved my h. i think son is mad at the situation as well as the other children and i get the brunt of the anger and problems.

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