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#2229657 - 03/11/12 09:41 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: purgatory]
tenbusrider Offline
Member

Registered: 01/20/12
Posts: 156
Bug, the mental image of throwing stuff in the trash is STRONG. I have a certain trash can I throw junk mail in, a stainless steel one with a foot-pedal and lid. I'll use that as my visualization tool when I get those pesky thoughts.
_________________________
Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?

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#2229661 - 03/11/12 09:52 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: labug]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
Originally Posted By: labug
Trying to keep my feet and mind firmly planted in today, not worrying about the future or obsessing about the past.

All in all, I'm beginning to believe that I am enough.


As everyone else has stated Bug, u r all that and then some!! Your posts are fantastic and u r a great asset to all of us here.

Wishing u the best!!
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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#2229702 - 03/12/12 03:14 AM Re: Fear and Love [Re: labug]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
The biggest exhibitors at the Festival seemed to be NPS(we have lots of National Parks in AZ).

Lies, all lies I tell ya!!
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2229755 - 03/12/12 01:28 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8875
Loc: Sonoran Desert
^^^^Probably smile
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2229760 - 03/12/12 01:58 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: labug]
ptcr Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/12
Posts: 88
Labug, caught up on your sitch and really can identify with all you are saying, especially unsolicited advice from "friends." I saw my H for the first time in 6 weeks on Friday and I spent the weekend reeling. I thought I was doing well with GAL and detaching, but appears that I failed on every one of those bullets. He has spent a lot of time contacting me via text recently and I have found myself expecting it....so I put your quote on my phone about living life with no expectations.

Do you have any specific tape recommendations about detaching? I have sooooo much respect for you and the time you have put into this board.
_________________________
Me: 44 H: 45
Married 22
S 18, S 16
Bomb 8/11, Second Bomb 1/12

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#2229761 - 03/12/12 01:59 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: labug]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 8875
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Just to get this out of my head.

Had an interesting FB exchange with H's nephew, whom I hardly know. He was born after we had moved away and his father and H were never close. The times I've met N, I've enjoyed him and then when he married, his wife.

He's an only child with a very controlling mother. She makes me look like a slacker. He's an MD and married a beautiful young woman who is a dancer. I think they met in HS. Even 1800 miles away I could tell that Mamma wasn't pleased but, oh well.

They've been married about 7-8 years and have a cute 4 yr old boy.

And now they're separated. He poured this whole story out to me on FB chat last night. Everything! He was either really hurting or drinking a little or both, because I don't think we've ever had a private conversation.

Gave no advice, listened and validated, mentioned a couple of books and told him to contact me if he needed to talk. He asked me not to say anything to "the family" because if his mother found out certain things she could make his life hell because she's vindictive and would lash out at the W. At least he figured that out.

Interesting thing, he didn't know H and I are separated. His parents were here visiting in Oct and I guess they just didn't notice that I wasn't around and H just acted like everything was normal. Don't know the whole story but this is an illustration of how closed that family is around emotions and sharing. Just act like everything is normal!

So, I'm sad by this news. They've been separated since Nov and it sounds like D is their next step.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2229778 - 03/12/12 02:42 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: labug]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Not a good nephew story...bummer

OTOH, your posts always have an undertone of honest self evaluation, and looking out at the world and figuring our how to live in it based on your self analysis.

(((Bugsy)))

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#2229798 - 03/12/12 03:56 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: rickb89]
sayitaintso Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/11
Posts: 951
Sorry about your nephew's sitch Bug. He is extremely fortunate to have you as his confidant.
_________________________
Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley

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#2229801 - 03/12/12 04:04 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: sayitaintso]
Autumn Leaves Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 568
Loc: Pennsylvania
Wow I'm sorry that your nephew is in that spot, and thankful he had your ear even if through fb chat.

Thinking of you (((labug)))
_________________________
-Autumn


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#2229888 - 03/12/12 07:22 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: Autumn Leaves]
AlwaysTrying Offline
Member

Registered: 10/27/11
Posts: 243
Would you feel comfortable telling your nephew about this board if there was some chance he's realize who you were and follow your thread?

I think a lot about evangelizing DB/DR. I believe most divorce we see in this country is just wrong. I am so angry so many people are too selfish to respect their vows and give their kids the most important thing they can receive.

I don't know if there is anything you can say to a WAS to sway them. I'd like to tell friends of hurting marriage partners that advocating for divorce is just not right. There are alternatives.

I'd like for the WAS and friends of WAS, (and friends of LBS) to know there are alternatives, and that marriage is worth it, especially when there are kids. I don't know if there ways of reaching these people, but:

I'm pretty sure that 1/3 or 1/4 men out there are future LBHs who need a 2x4 to the head quite badly. I wish that someone could have reached me before it was too late.

Well, your nephew is probably too late to prevent flipping the WAW switch, if that's what he has going on.

But if someone could have put me on a path of DBing in the first two months of my sitch, I'd be putting my M back together.

Maybe none of this applies to your nephew, but I wish there were some way to reach more people teetering on divorce and put them on the right path.

I guess the problem is that most of our society puts more value on "I guess I'm not happy and I don't feel like working on it" than on "In sickness and in health, richer or poorer, etc, etc"

Sorry for the threadjack. I know that your N couldn't have a better person to have contacted in this situation. He is really luck to have you available to him, labug.

I'm just venting about the problem in general, I guess.
_________________________
- All for the kids -
Me:34, W:35
M:7, T:13
S6, D3 + my D15 from previous marriage
July 2011 "I think I need a separation"
W filed D September
Currently living apart - she has the house, I rent a room

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