Hey Zig - lots of good reflection. Very glad your "reaching out" to friends was a positive.

Have you had a chance to think about what it was that made you cry on the way home?

Also, you mentioned the sexual abuse as a child. I'm so sorry. Its awful to see you and so many others who have had to face such hideous acts. Its also so sad to see the long-term impacts it has on so many lives.

I mentioned a friend who had an affair on his w several years ago. Turns out his W was sexually abused by her grandfather when she was little. She had never told anyone. My friend found out while his affair was going on and that was part of what made him stop the affair and work on his M. This is also the friend who was able to restore his M.

My W came from an abusive home as well. She says she was not sexually abused but one of her sisters was by their father. I can't help but wonder how this plays into her situation now. I've mentioned it in the past but until she is ready to go there and deal with the wounds, there is no point in bringing it up again.

Hope you have a good week.

hey ces - sorry took so long to answer - s arrived home quite ill and have been taking care of him all day today.

thanks for your kind comforting words - they mean a lot.

your last para sort of opened a can of worms for me a bit- there's a lot i want to write back to you, but am not sure where to start and am sooo tired right now.

one of the things i found out about the long term consequences is that there are a lot of effects on the siblings, especially if they knew or kind of knew, while it was going on. young kids can sense something is not right and even though they may not know it consciously, i wonder if they carry some innate guilt, even if they were in no position to do anything about it. when it's the father, it's even worse (i'm so sorry your wife had to experience that)

i just found out for myself after all these years that i am so deeply angry with my brother - poor little child he was only 3 or 4 at the time, but he was there - and after my reading about all this, i found out that it can create havoc in a sibling relationship because of this. and it definitely did and it affected my relationship with h big time

so your instinct that there might be issues along those lines that your w is struggling with may be bang on the mark, but you're also right that she has to come to it herself - your suggesting or referring to it may send her deeper into withdrawing from facing it.

h always threw the "this is because of your sexual abuse" card at me, the most when he left, and i have really struggled with that. now i find myself freed of that burden in some ways, seeing much more clearly what i have to deal with

hope you're well
zig

weird weird weird - i think i detached - somewhere in the last few days - i'm suddenly like fed up of all the drama and i couldn't care less, just need a break from all of this.

how's that for a 180?

of course could be tomorrow this time, i am weeping and something has triggered me, but i am LOVING the feeling right now.

i simply don't have that quaky hole in my chest right now - and i can't say that has happened before!!

nice!!

one thing that has helped me a lot these past few days - i found these youtube videos where Esther Hicks(Abraham) is talking about manifesting your desires and detaching and i've been choosing the ones to watch about how to feel good and let go and damn if they don't help a lot

also saw this other one that was really peaceful where this woman repeats "I am where I am and it's OK" for 10 mins in this really calm soothing way, and i find myself saying that to myself all the time

sometimes i think, what we are doing here is really "brainwashing" ourselves into being okay with our ditches and with ourselves. it's good!!

oops meant ditches, not ditches, but heck, ditches fits pretty well too:)

oops meant ditches - and no i haven't had a drink or anything - just tea!!

oh oh now i'm giggling!!

seriously , i can't believe i hit "d" for the third time

SITCHES!!!

check this youtube video out

Abraham - The only relationship to focus on is between you and you

thinking like that really displaces one out of the powerless, victim state into a more empowered place with a lot more clarity

LOL! For a minute, I thought I was reading an SNL skit. "Ditches, I mean ditches, no seriously what is wrong with me, I mean ditches. D'oh!!" Cracked me up!

i was definitely having a giddy moment there! it was a nice change from 7 months of feeling miserable. glad i gave someone else a chance to laugh too

cheers
zig

Hey Zig, I had to read that a few times myself! Too funny.

It's interesting you mention siblings. As long as I have known my wife, 23 years, she has never really wanted a relationship with her biological siblings. She has 3 sisters and a brother. All have had issues with substance abuse and/or anger issues. She separated herself from them before I knew her. I can't recall an exact reason that she stated but the impression I always got was that she wanted to get away from the craziness that she had grown up with.

Sad part is since the bomb, I've had others comment that she is living more like her biological family now and how sad it was.

Hope the can of worms wasn't a bad thing for you. Take care and watch out for those ditches!!