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ten - i really admire your honesty. it takes a lot of courage to share your story.

a lot has been laid out on the table. pretty intense!

as for retrouvaille.. i don't know much about it either but apparently a lot of couples in crisis tend to go as a last resort sort of thing. i don't know if there's ever an "ideal" time. lol.

i'll be going in 2 weeks. very nervous. we'll see what happens.

sounds like you have made great strides.. also really glad to hear your dad is doing better.

((((( )))))


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 156
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2pac - After you mentioned retrouvaille before, I went and looked it up. The next one in the area is in September. I've already requested more information. They also recommended using it to complement MC.

The whole limbo talk, I believe, is coming from MIL's pressure on her and insistence that MC was good for her as an individual as well. The pastor and the counselor want to take a two pronged approach, or as my pastor put it, for the counseling to have church accountability. He says he's had lots of success with this approach, and told us that while our sitch was bad, he's helped worse... and after our joint meeting with him, he said he had hope and encouragement for us. So... it's hard to say. I agree that the language is alarming, but she's also acknowledged that she's going to have a real hard time in general if we divorce, and that she's comfortable here.

I just don't know what's going to happen.


Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?
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BF - I'll be looking forward to reading how it goes for you. I pray that it will go well for you. It sounds like there's a lot of follow-up stuff that happens afterwards, too. Seems like a good formula.

I'm glad he's doing better, too, though his blood ph is off again. Sure hope they can figure out why this keeps happening soon...


Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?
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Tenbears - it sounds like you have a lot of people working with you to help. That's good. It must be tough to be juggling so much at once, but it sounds like you are on the right track, and your outpouring took so much guts to do. I respect you so much for your honesty. There's a lot going on at once but maybe if your just keep the faith, and let god take over your truths will come in time.

Glad about your dad too!

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Tomorrow is my anniversary with W. Not sure how I feel about it. Strange that it's also Easter.

I know the general consensus is to not do anything to acknowledge the day, but given that it is Easter, I thought I might cook dinner and make some kind of desert. There's a recipe for something that sounded good on the side of a box of cereal, think I might try making that. Not planning on saying Happy Anniversary unless said to me first, no plans for flowers beyond possibly another $5 bouquet that would go in the kitchen vase, and not directly to her. No cards or anything like that, either.

Thoughts?


Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?
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I like it since it's Easter, also.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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easter dinner for your son? sounds fab. (i realize he's very little but.. he seems like a great person to be having a dinner for!)


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,119
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You can never lose by doing something nice Tenbears. I hope you make your dinner and enjoy your family! Happy Easter!

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Big developments since my last post...

I came home from work on Saturday feeling pretty tired. I've been going to bed a bit later than I normally do, so after a 12 hour shift, I tend to look pretty worn out. W asked if there was something on my mind. I told her I was just tired. I went on to church by myself after that (gotten to where I prefer the Saturday night service). Being Easter, the message was about reconciliation. Go figure!

Sunday morning, I was still pretty tired. S had slept in my bed the previous night. I didn't get nearly the amount of sleep I'd needed. I got some coffee and found W outside smoking a cigarette. I joined her. She asked again if I was alright, just told her I was still tired. Then she says "I know we're not doing anything, but Happy Anniversary." I was stunned for a few beats there. I wasn't expecting her to acknowledge it and had prepared myself to not say anything. I did say it back to her, though.

She went on to work a little while later, and I got down to some house chores. I'd woken up to the smell of cat urine... it's bad enough when you can smell it while next to it, but when you can smell it in the next room, you know you've got some catching up to do. I cleaned almost the whole downstairs, dusted, vacuumed, did dishes, etc. I took S to the grocery store to get what I'd needed to make dinner and desert that night. W made it home just after I returned.

S didn't take a nap that day, and when I relayed that to her, she said that was good, maybe he'd pass out early, then we could "be adults". My ears perked up, but I didn't react to it.

I started working on the desert first, because it needed to bake then cool in the refrigerator. Once I had that going, I went for a cigarette, and W joined me. After a few seconds of silence, she asks

"Do you want to have sex tonight?"

Twice today she'd stunned me beyond words. I quickly found my voice again and said YES. I asked her a moment later if she was sure that this is what she wanted. She told me that she didn't know how she felt about it, but knew that she didn't feel bad about it.

She began flirting with me coyly while I worked on dinner, telling me she needed her back rubbed and moving my hands to places they hadn't been in months. Our conversation was open and frank, relaxed and happy.

After we got S in bed, we ML. I tried to be as sensitive as possible, and made her feel like she was the only woman in the world. I told her I'd missed her, she said that she'd missed me, too.

Later, I asked her when she'd decided that this was what she'd wanted. She said about 1 that afternoon, and had been thinking about it for almost a month, but that the thoughts didn't become serious until I'd apologized. She went on to say that she still didn't feel bad about it, and was cool with taking things one day at a time for now. I agreed, and told her that was how I'd been taking it for months.

She also warned me not to get greedy. I laughed and agreed.

We still went to bed separately, but not without a goodnight kiss. As she went upstairs, I told her Happy Anniversary. She replied that back with a smile on her face.

The next morning wasn't awkward like I'd feared it might be. There was a good morning hug and kiss, but we otherwise went on about our day the way we normally did. I noticed she was wearing a ring on her right hand. She hasn't worn any rings in several weeks. I didn't think too much about it.

I'd occasionally grab her and hug her, and give her a kiss on the head or neck. She seemed pretty happy with the attention, but I tried to keep them short and infrequent. When we spoke, there was talk of the future, of doing things in the house/backyard to try and make the place seem nice. This was conversation she heavily avoided before.

We wound up ML again that night. We were both a bit tired from the long day, and sore from the previous night, so it wasn't quite as enthusiastic... but more relaxed. We still slept in separate beds.

The next morning, she gave me a good morning kiss, and laughed, talking about how she wasn't going to be able to do it again for a few days. I told her it would probably be a good idea to take a few days to process the new development. She agreed.

I had to force myself to withdraw from her, physically. I didn't want to make her feel like she'd made a mistake. The rest of the day was, again, relaxed. It was a "normal" day, otherwise.

Yesterday, I noticed that the ring had migrated to her left hand. Granted, it's not the wedding band, just a little ring I'd bought for her previous birthday... but it sends a message, I think. Maybe not to me so much, but to others.

I'm probably leaving stuff out, but I think I've hit the major points. I'll need to find the DR book again and read the chapter about keeping the changes going, I think.


Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,711
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Every time a bell rings, and angel gets its wings! wink

Move slowly, Ten. And be prepared for some fallout.


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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