Together Since We Were 15...Now Piecing

[purgatory]

I had to come over here to find you hope you're enjoying your valentine's day with J!

[Jenna333]

Thanks for checking in on me, guys

We have our first C session a week from today. We're hitting bumps in the road, but we're doing well with navigating through this. Counseling will hopefully instill in us proper ways to communicate.

I get the keys for my apartment tomorrow! I just finished my second day of work training. It's a lot to remember. It's exciting, though

I don't have much going on in school today, so I'm taking the evening off (for the first time). I'm going to spend it with J and our kids

[Jenna333]

The email J sent me last night

"Man, it's crazy thinking about this torrential emotional storm we've been through these last 9 years. I know it's been hard on us lately, especially you, but there's no one else I see myself being happy with I'm sorry this valentines day hasn't been picture perfect, but i spent it with you, so that's what made my day. I love you and always will baby. Happy valentines day beautiful!!!!"

We had a great night in Made breakfast for dinner and watched Tangled.

[rickb89]

Jenna so glad for u. Keep in mind any conflict you to might have....seek to find a solution that works for u both...don't seek to be right of win the argument.

[Jenna333]

Rick- We're both striving to argue fairly whoever we do argue. It's nice Not the arguing part, but realizing while we're arguing that we're not selfishly hurting feelings and making sure that it goes in our favor.

Well, J is likely moving in within a week. We all spent last night at the new apartment My family (mom, anyway) is going to flip. Oh well. It's my life! I'm so tired of her constantly telling me to remember what he put me through and to not trust him. I'm not an idiot. I'm well aware of that we went through. I know what we both want and that we're BOTH doing all that we can to make this work.

[Jenna333]

I told J I don't want him sleeping over anymore until he moves in. I hate not knowing whether he's going to stay over or not. The anxiety isn't worth it. He understands. Probably because he knows he'll probably be moving in before long He pouted when I handed him his toothbrush this afternoon.

J spoke to my mom today. We talked about him needing to do that this morning, but we weren't expecting the talk to happen today. I drive up to the house after picking D up from school to see J and my mom talking. That was scary! She has been hating on him throughout all of this. She had to pick up the pieces when he shattered me into a million pieces. Anyway, the talk seemed like it went well, according to J. Time will tell I told him I'm proud of him for acknowledging his mistakes to her. Not an easy thing to say to someone who really doesn't care for you.

[rickb89]

You seem very smart and strong. I think you are handling this really well. Just keep your wits about you at all times!

[Jenna333]

I'm not always strong. I'm feeling weak right now. I really want him to stay over tonight He sent me a text this morning saying it was weird being without me last night. Ugh, I need to stand firm on this. I'll be seeing him tomorrow morning when he helps my family and I move the rest of the furniture from the house into the apartment.

[rickb89]

Part of being strong is having the guts to admit when you cannot be strong. It's okay.

[Jenna333]

Well, I'm officially moved into my apartment! We moved all of the furniture in today.

So much for sticking to what I said the other day about him not staying over until he decides to move in. He's going to stay over tonight after work (he won't be off until around midnight). We talked about how we're feeling about it. I told him I don't want him feeling like he can stay over and get all of the perks that go along with being with me and our kids, but not *having* to move in. He said he needs to have Internet because he has online homework due often, and our Internet isn't being hooked up until Tuesday. We talked about honesty and how I need to be able to trust him without question. He said he's worried if he moves in soon that we'll slip back into old habits. I'm worried about that, too. It's just something we're going to have to feel out.

I need to let go of so many things. He went on a date with that coworker 1-2 weeks after leaving me. I told him I'm worried she's the one that got away for him. I don't want the idea of her looming over us. He assured me that there's nothing there for either of them and that he wants ME. I hate that he still works with her (he's a server at a restaurant, and she's a hostess).

I know all of this will be addressed in counseling. He asked me if I'm sure I'll be ok if he stays over tonight but not tomorrow. I honestly don't know. I know that I miss him whenever he's not here, whether he stayed the previous night or not.