I think it's great that you can do something empowering for yourself. It's kind of like a metaphor for DB:
Each obstacle you come you: you have to determine the *strongest* hold, which direction to go, sometimes you have to stop completely and step back a little to see the bigger picture, move slowly forward/upward, you get really tired along the way- but when you overcome one of the obstacles, you feel strong and ready to tackle more.
Looks like things are moving up for you
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
So some solid 180's this week that I am quite proud of, and feel like I am making some progress (for myself not necessarily for my M, that has yet to be seen)
After hearing a glowing recommendation from someone who went through it and found it life changing, I signed up for a 4 day workshop. I think this sentence from the description excites me the most "The Workshop marks the beginning of a new, more positive phase of life, a phase of greater awareness, connection, confidence, accomplishment and joy.
The timing was not coincidental I think, I really feel like I need this right now. So I checked with H to see if he can keep the kids and house running while I am gone and he said yes. I think he is under the impression that it is a work conference, and I am not intentionally keeping it from him but if he doesn't ask..I won't offer. I feel like that would be too pursuing, like I need him to know that I am working on myself. I don't need him to know that.
My wedding anniversary is at the end of February and that is actually when things really started to go badly for us, an event that happened on my actual anniversary triggered a lot.
This morning via IM he mentioned that our neighors sons bachelor party falls on that weekend. He said that it is on the Friday, and its an overnighter. So I simply responded "oh ok, have fun" and tried to end the conversation by saying "thank you for checking your calendar for my workshop, I am going to book it now. Talk to you later"
He came back with "hey, don't worry. Our anniversary comes first. I will figure this out"
I said "ok, we can talk later"
Not freaking out was a 180 for me. Does it hurt that the bachelor party is still on the table at all, sure it does. But under the circumstances I can't be surprised.
I do think he was expecting me to freak out when he mentioned the date of the bachelor party. He did seem surprised at my reaction or lack thereof. It was real, it was not an act by any stretch.
One of his biggest issues with me is that he feels like I control. So who am I to tell him what to do with his weekend. Honestly, if I have to tell him to spend our anniversary together, than do I really want to? It certainly wouldn't mean much if it is forced.
His reaction was also surprising to me. Telling me that the anniversary comes first is nice. We will see what comes of it.
I like your 180 w/not reacting to the anniversary/bachelor party conflict.
I have to share.
I learned something very important, throughout my separation, and eventual divorce.
There will be all kinds of conflicts, especially, as we share children, so I've had to "let go" of the "celebrating on the actual day" A LOT.
If anyone is worth anything to you, it doesn't matter if there's a conflict... So long as you celebrate together (near the timing of the event) at a time that works, w/no grudges.
The conference sounds like work, and fantastic!!!
My Salmost15 plays bball in high school, too. He's playing Freshman bball, which is a big change for him. He is an outstanding athlete, and bball is like his fifth sport. He Varsity lettered in Football (kicker) and Soccer in the Fall. He wasn't sure about bball, but it's my favorite. So, I told him that I wouldn't drive him to soccer (this winter) if he didn't play bball. LoL He's loving it, and it's really good for him to be 6th or 7th man in. He's improving a ton, and outside his comfort zone. (He's usually using his foot on a ball!) My S12 plays bball, too. I'm in heaven right now. I just LOVE the sport. Oh, and love to watch the Wisconsin Badgers and Illinois, TOO! Wait, I love Marquette, as well. Oh, and the Tar Heels.
HAHA
I'm so glad for your son!!!!! Have fun, cheering. My only complaint about bball is that my voice carries too much in the gym! It's no secret whose mom is helping coach from the other side!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I've been trying very hard to keep on the right path, and it is tough when we have the push and pull.
When H got home from work he asked me what the workshop was about, and I guess I wasn't really prepared to answer. I guess I should have thought it through, or possibly I just want this for me for right now. I don't want him to have the opportunity to turn this or use it against me.
I simply said "its tough to explain" and he looked quizzical, said "Ok" and dropped it.
I think I needed to do this for me, and consider it a 180. In the past I would have felt the need to share every detail and get approval.
I've been trying very hard to keep on the right path, and it is tough when we have the push and pull.
When H got home from work he asked me what the workshop was about, and I guess I wasn't really prepared to answer. I guess I should have thought it through, or possibly I just want this for me for right now. I don't want him to have the opportunity to turn this or use it against me.
I simply said "its tough to explain" and he looked quizzical, said "Ok" and dropped it.
I think I needed to do this for me, and consider it a 180. In the past I would have felt the need to share every detail and get approval.
Just tell him "It's a self-improvement thing, and it's personal," and then either leave or change the subject.
Nothing really new to report. H took S15 to basketball last night and I was watching a show that only I enjoy when they got home, so I left the main tv for them. H grabbed a glass of wine and came out to sit with me, although he was feeling tired he said "i wanted to spend a little time with you" Just had some small talk and he went to bed.
I enjoyed some time with the boys watching a show with them.
The weekends always bring a new challenge because we are all at home. I've got a few things planned which will be nice, and I plan to pick up a new book as well.
Organizing some of the clutter this weekend may feel good. Just to feel productive.
I've also been setting some goals for myself, some are related to marriage and some not.
1. To be less fearful-change happens and I need to learn how to roll with it and grow from it. I need to stop getting trapped in my own fear.
2. Challenge myself - I want to do things that I have previously held myself back from (for various reasons). If I have the chance to try something new or something I've always wanted to do, I will make an attempt to do it.
3. Meeting new people - we have so many friends in common, and I feel like I need to enjoy a group of friends that are not common friends. Maybe join a class of some type?
So there it is, in writing so that I can hold myself accountable.
25 mentioned Meetup.com. It is for groups of people setting up activities for folks to get together. You can put in something you want to do: like hike, take photos, concert. Then it tells you when someone has planed an activity. It isn't a dating site.
I haven't gone to anything yet, but plan to!
One of the groups I was too old to join had an activity that was attending the art/flea sale I am pert of. That made me smile, because I met so many nice folks there!
I also really like your goal to be less fearful. I was thinking in bed this morning and realized that I shouldn't be so afraid of change. Thanks for reinforcing that!
Have a good weekend!
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
