i have read the divorce busters book and am now on divorce remedies. i have a marriage counselor that i have seen once, but he does not understand why i am willing to stay with a person who is cheating and basically walked away from his family. i am not at all angry with the situation as i am hurt and upset, i have given myself to this person and their family for a long period of time and family means everything to me - this has to do with my own family not wanting me and i have no relationship with them - his family is all i have along with ours. i have been contemplating contacting a coach from this website, one is the cost the second is i am not sure what i expect from them? i have read plenty on mlc and various stages of what to expect and would like to believe once this affair falls through, h will be back with family - not sure what will happen only time will tell. the hard part is trying to function from day to day, as i have said before, he continues to contact me - i am restraining myself as time goes by, but it has only been 2 wks since he left.
I understand the want/need for family. How I define that has changed in the last few years. I am lucky that I have 2 D's. I have no surviving memebers of my birth family. My ability to connect on an intimate level is not restricted to DNA.
I have managed to form some very close relationships (not romantic) and I foster those. I guess you could say, I'm forming a larger family of my choosing.
I have close friends who are like family, however, i guess in my case family consists of those directly related to me, becuase those are truly the ones i can depend upon at the end of the day.
His two sisters and mom are supportive of the situation and support my decision to stand. His mom actually went through the same thing with his step dad who raised him, unfortunately they ended up divorcing. At the time my husband was very angry with him for that and it has resulted in a broken relationship for the two of them.
In the last few years, I have been truly touched by people in my life that have gone out of their way to show me I can depend on them. It is not just me that has access to amazing people. Just sayin'
I just wanted to say I am sorry...this is the hardest time, right after they move out. I do recommend going dark for a while as this will give you the chance to regroup and get to know yourself again. This can be a very educational process. Fun, even. Please take care of yourself.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
just got off the phone with coach who said let H call and be joyful when they do, and to invite H to do things with our d to get him to interact with family in hopes this would work in favor of ending the affair and bringing H back home. not sure what to do at this junction, but will attempt to work in a dinner for H at the house and see what happens.
okay, so i go to the mall today and specifically park by the store i need and who should be at that store but h. he stopped told me i looked nice, gave a hug and proceeded to talk with d.
as suggested by coach i asked if they could come by house on mon or tues whatever was good for them to help with something - he said yes and would do it mon since he did not have to work part-time job.
just this morning i asked God to give me a sign that things would work out and h would come back to work on marriage - i may be naieve, but was this my sign - i think so. and yest i kept a good, positive, smiley attitude even though it was a mere 15 min or less it seemed like an eternity it made my day:)
Well, not sure what to think now - h did call work yesterday, but i did not answer and no h did not come by house to help - instead wanted to send our s. So, not a good day.
okay, so is h just having an affair or is this mlc? i have been told he is going through a "me" stage and that he is just having an affair not going through mlc.
How do i know which it is? i have only been at this for 3 wks entering the 4th, but am trying to figure out my course of action based upon what i am dealing with.
when i spoke with the divorce coach, she stated i try and get my h to come by the house for small things in hopes to break up or threaten the affair(h told me he needs to see if this will make him happy, but does not know how long we are to live seperate with me and the children in the house and he in an apartment with affair)
I have tried to get him over on at least 2 occasions, but to no avail, h will not meet for lunch or any interaction with me - also has no interaction with 3 of 5 childre (the 3 that are with me 2 are mine and 1 is ours)
Needing/looking for some advice on what to do? in the beginning i was determined to stay and work through this situation what ever it is, now i am not sure as this is really stressing me and the family out!
