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Another good exercise in detachment. Called to tell my kids good night. Called my S13 phone. no answer. Called me W, no answer. Txt my W saying "have kids calle me when you get this" Any time they are out of time I at least speak to the kids at bedtime to say good night.

W responds that S is at a friends for the night and D is already asleep. I would have appreciated if W could have at least had D call me if she was going to bed. W is the only way I can reach my D when they travel. I'm use to not talking to my W when they travel, its rather typical. But its really bothers me that I didn't get to speak to my kids. Of course my S just needs to pay attention to his phone. That I'm use to.

OK, that's off my chest and I think I handled it well with W. When we talk again, I'll ask her to have the kids call when the time is good (given that I have no idea of their schedule).


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
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Putting finances in order for "D"
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who's delilah? there is one radio host i know named delilah but i don't think it's the same one if i'm on the west coast?


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
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Deee li lah

The one I'm thinking of is syndicated. Requests and dedications.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
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i'm pretty sure it's the same one. she tells sappy stories. i think she has a daughter?


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
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ces67 Offline OP
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yeah, she's been on the radio for a long time and is syndicated all over the country. I have a nephew who can't stand her and he went to some show one time and turns out she was the hostess. He was so irritated.


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
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it's frustrating when one can only reach one's kids through the WAS's phone - same situation here.

i struggled with those kinds of things too - for a long while i saw it as a control issue on H's part, but now i'm genuinely beginning to realize after all that reading about mlc's that he literally does NOT think about it - it simply doesn't occur to him.

i think when he has s with him, he is using so much extra energy trying to be "normal" that all these details are simply too much to handle

great job with detaching - i am doing that now with H - easy while he is on the other side of the world, but wonder what it will be like when he returns next month - that's when the true test starts... hope i can be as good at it as you by then:)


me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"

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Originally Posted By: ces67
When we talk again, I'll ask her to have the kids call when the time is good (given that I have no idea of their schedule).


That's a good idea. You should tell your W what you would like to see happen when they are away. Asking to have your kids give you a quick call before they go to bed is not asking much. It has nothing to do with your M. Be prepared for a negative response, and if you get it, then assure W that you're doing this in the best interest of your and your kid's relationships. We all have some kind of expectations, even if it's kid related, and if we don't get what we want, it will upset us. Working on communicating with your W about issues like you describe should hopefully result in better communication overall, regardless of whether you will live a life with or without her.


Me:32 H:34 T:14.5 M:9.5 S:5 BD: 11/25/11


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What she said ^^^^^ smile

We could only hope that the WAS could see that you are being a good dad by wanting to talk to your kids- therefore she wouldn't get upset at all.... But we all know that the WAS doesn't think like the rest of the world.

When I have the kids, I always text H if something funny happens or an issue strides. I'll also send him photos every once and a while of the boys (never myself) when they do something silly. Sometimes he responds, most of the time he doesn't. But, for me, I don't ever want to give the opportunity to say that I kept his kids from him. He's started doing the same for me when he has them- granted not as much.

When he's away from them, it makes me so frustrated that he doesn't call to say good night to them... I can't imagine not even talking to my kids for a whole day!

I think it was polite of you to. It demand a specific time to talk, instead you asked her for the best option. Hopefully she responds positively (as much as possible) to you. For your kids sake, I hope she does.

(((ces)))


M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
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Quote:
i think when he has s with him, he is using so much extra energy trying to be "normal" that all these details are simply too much to handle
I think there's a lot of truth in this observation. I see it in my W. Granted she's trying to operate with three kids and herself so it's triple the stress. At the same time she's just not in place to manage herself well, much less three additional lives.

I've quickly realized that if I want something to happen I have to advocate for myself and communicate that. It's hard because it, be definition, requires interacting with my W in a manner I don't particularly want to. But it's either that or be left out of the equation. She can leave me out of her equation all she wants, but I'm not ok with being left out of my kids' equations.


Married 6 together 8
Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both
SS12, SD10, S6
Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann)
W moved out: 2/18/12
D final: 11/12/12
Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
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CES - hope you're well in Elvisville. I read No More Mr Nice and found it very helpful. I was so hesitant to read it...thought it would be for wimps...and if any of it connected then well..you know.

Is there a Bikram yoga near you? Try this just once for me, and then let's talk!

Nite bro.

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