Saturday Night was hard, consisted a me a my bother trying to find evidence of an A . What a shocker nothing was found. Got mad that she didn't send a text letting me know she wouldn't be home with the kids and that they were sleeping over. Honestly I was never the control freak before, but boy that sounds very controlling.
I have become incredibly anxious to be around her given how she acting. Given the problems in our previous R she knows that I am looking for the quick fix. I would like to say that I am here for the journey and realize that there are many missteps along the way.
I am trying to follow the 37 rules as well. I am trying to act like this wall between us is not bothering me (smile on my face) when we are together.
I have to continue strengthening my R with the kids, i have also found that doing the chores around the house takes my mind off of things.
I realize that when W comes home I have to be pleasant and not lash out at her for not texting and not start with 20 questions. I am not use to this zombie I am now living with.
I also don't like being in this home anymore or the arrangements. My W is being rewarded for her actions I.e. the house and standard of living have not changed and she has absolute freedom to do what she pleases.
Wouldn't the I need space thing be realized if I was not with her under tha same roof? How can you long for someone when they'll have not left?
Then I think how much leaving would affect the kids the innocent ones in this drama. Seems I would be validating W concern that I am very selfish and that it is all about me. I am an emotional mess right. Will try to do some GAL before the W comes home this morning.
Sad welcome and I'm sorry you're here. I suggest that you start to go to an individual counselor for YOU. As difficult as it is right now you need to remain calm and remember that this is a marathon not a sprint. As far as not liking being in the house, IMHO you should stay. Your W is the one who wants out at this point and as such you could tell her calmly that you will not leave your house. I decided myself to do this with my W and she did not like it but she now is leaving at the end of this month. It's my belief that when a WAS wants out and still wants to remain in the house that they are cake eating. Some on the boards may not agree with me. Post often. I'll check in later I'm pressed for time.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
I also don't like being in this home anymore or the arrangements. My W is being rewarded for her actions I.e. the house and standard of living have not changed and she has absolute freedom to do what she pleases.
Read this again and then explain it. What actions is she being rewarded for? What is the reward?
Your W is going to do whatever she needs/wants to do. You have no control over that. The sooner you can accept that and start to work on you the better you will be. It does not come easily. You have to work on it but working on you is a much better use of your time than snooping to find an affair.
Would an affair be a deal-breaker for you? Or would is be another way to fuel your anger and keep from working on you.
So what are her other complaints about you? There must be more than getting the kids to school and laundry and domestic chores.(you're 2 busy professional with young children. have you ever thought of paying someone do those chores? a housekeeper is much cheaper than a D)
Tell us what you know you need to change. Read other threads, post to them.
Work on you, the only person yo can fix.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I need to more emotionally connected to my kids. I am not so open with finances and kind of an introvert. Need to be willing to try new things and not always be in control. Trying to keep out what the W says.
I told her on Wednesday night that I would leave the house since it appears there is no hope of saving the R, and she became hysterical, telling me that I had to stay for the kids.
Just curious, but has she said what she wants in the future? Does she want you to remain in the home and her be D from you? Have you asked?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
This an email I typed from my iPad as she went pick up my daughter
It was nice spending time with you and the kids on Saturday. I was glad we were able to take them and the weather was perfect. I hope you enjoyed yourself and took your mind off of things.
I miss spending time with you, your jokes and your quirks. My life now is very dull without you. I hate that you and I will sit in the same room, drive in the same car and not speak to another. Not chase each other, wrestle with ******* or just act like a couple of kids. That is why you are like no other.
I told her on Wednesday night that I would leave the house since it appears there is no hope of saving the R, and she became hysterical, telling me that I had to stay for the kids.
Just curious, but has she said what she wants in the future? Does she want you to remain in the home and her be D from you? Have you asked?
She wants me to stay like friends whatever that means.
This an email I typed from my iPad as she went pick up my daughter
It was nice spending time with you and the kids on Saturday. I was glad we were able to take them and the weather was perfect. I hope you enjoyed yourself and took your mind off of things.
I miss spending time with you, your jokes and your quirks. My life now is very dull without you. I hate that you and I will sit in the same room, drive in the same car and not speak to another. Not chase each other, wrestle with ******* or just act like a couple of kids. That is why you are like no other.
