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#2224072 - 02/22/12 03:52 AM Re: The hardest thing I've ever done. [Re: Royloveshiswife]
Royloveshiswife Offline
Member

Registered: 03/06/10
Posts: 167
Loc: rural Missouri
They just left. I don't know why, but I feel very depressed and defeated.... Not sure why. G'night.
_________________________
M-34
W-31
2 S,11&11
1 D, 6
T 13 YEARS
M 12 YEARS
ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009
We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.

Top
#2224334 - 02/23/12 01:47 AM Re: The hardest thing I've ever done. [Re: Royloveshiswife]
Royloveshiswife Offline
Member

Registered: 03/06/10
Posts: 167
Loc: rural Missouri
So, I wish to explain. Days like yesterday happen. No matter your marital status or mindset. The important part is to not stay that way. Smile. If you force yourself to smile, soon you'll find reasons to smile. But, even then, sometimes your emotions will catch up to you. Just don't let it stay there. Don't dwell on the sad parts. God knows, anyone can get despondent. But God doesn't want any of us to stay there. Cling to your hopes. Cling to your dreams. Because, if you give up your hopes and dreams, i can guarantee they won't come true. If you don't give up, then it's in Gods hands. God loves us and loves to see us overcome adversity. His victory is ours and our victories are His. All too often, we forget that. May God Bless each of you. Good night.
_________________________
M-34
W-31
2 S,11&11
1 D, 6
T 13 YEARS
M 12 YEARS
ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009
We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.

Top
#2224341 - 02/23/12 02:09 AM Re: The hardest thing I've ever done. [Re: Royloveshiswife]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11024
Rather than being cryptic and depend solely on prayer, maybe you need to open up and journal here in more detail. You never know if one of the comments may help your sitch.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2224358 - 02/23/12 03:35 AM Re: The hardest thing I've ever done. [Re: MrBond]
Royloveshiswife Offline
Member

Registered: 03/06/10
Posts: 167
Loc: rural Missouri
I'm truly not trying to be cryptic. And I'm not depending solely on prayer. But to be honest, I figure if you're reading this here. You've read the book or plan to do so. I've often said to my friends and family, none of them can advise me on an exact path, as they are not me or married to my spouse. And sadly, I can't do that for anyone here. I try to give (and by doing so, receive) encouragement. I read, re-read, pray and read some more. I work very hard at these things. I'm not trying to go it alone, nor am I asking any of you all to do so. And many of the comments have helped me. And continue to do so. However I have been working on the opening up idea. Just don't quite know how to go about it. So many, I have opened up to, want to blame her alone. I know we're both at fault. And this makes me wary.
_________________________
M-34
W-31
2 S,11&11
1 D, 6
T 13 YEARS
M 12 YEARS
ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009
We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.

Top
#2224481 - 02/23/12 07:48 PM Re: The hardest thing I've ever done. [Re: Royloveshiswife]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 11024
Did you ever think that maybe God sent you to this site to get guidance? True you believe that your situation is "unique" etc. Everyone's is. But there are certain common themes that can be applied to all of them.

"I've often said to my friends and family, none of them can advise me on an exact path"

Here's where you're wrong. They can suggest and advise, but ultimately you choose what path to take. But if you don't open yourself to options, you are going to be stuck with only one opinion...your own. That's what the problem is with your W. She only sees one option...her own. It doesn't do anyone good to be stuck in the same thinking that got them where they are now in the first place.

I would suggest you posting your whole story and update frequently. Then you'll get the help you need.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2229067 - 03/09/12 08:12 AM Re: The hardest thing I've ever done. [Re: MrBond]
Royloveshiswife Offline
Member

Registered: 03/06/10
Posts: 167
Loc: rural Missouri
I do get Guidance from this site. As far as more detail, it ain't gonna happen. My "journaling" here is of my Faith and how it carries me. I show it so that others may renew their Faith or maybe even start their own. And at the same time, the words I've written here are for myself. I reread them on occasion to remind me that I do still want this and why I don't give up. I appreciate your opinion on this and respectfully decline at this point. By the way, some of my closest friends haven't been given as much information as I've posted on here. Just the way I am. smile
_________________________
M-34
W-31
2 S,11&11
1 D, 6
T 13 YEARS
M 12 YEARS
ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009
We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.

Top
#2229069 - 03/09/12 08:26 AM Re: The hardest thing I've ever done. [Re: Royloveshiswife]
Royloveshiswife Offline
Member

Registered: 03/06/10
Posts: 167
Loc: rural Missouri
So, tonight marks the 14th anniversary of when we decided to be together. At work tonight, I asked the Lord if it could be tonight. Pretty sure He said, "No, but don't give up." I won't explain how He said it, but as one of the lines in my favorite movie series says, "It's not that He doesn't speak to you. It's that you don't listen." We all need to focus on listening. Remember, God wasn't in the gale-force wind, He was in the still, small voice.
_________________________
M-34
W-31
2 S,11&11
1 D, 6
T 13 YEARS
M 12 YEARS
ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009
We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.

Top
#2229848 - 03/12/12 06:09 PM Re: The hardest thing I've ever done. [Re: Royloveshiswife]
PrincessP Offline
Member

Registered: 02/28/12
Posts: 54
Loc: NJ
Roy,

I have read your posts, and I am proud of you for hanging in there. Have you ever examined what brings this situation with your W back to you feeling more anxious than better. Sounds like you take a step forward and it works and then it comes back to an earlier phase. She maybe picking up on your enthusiasm and it makes her nervous.

I don't have any wise words as I am new to my own sitch. I have yet to see the results of any 180s. I may resort to an unconventional LRT at the recommendation of someone who has been in my shoes more than once in her life. She is not exactly a parent but has known me as a mother. I trust her guidance.

Good luck!
_________________________
M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already

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#2231678 - 03/19/12 07:22 AM Re: The hardest thing I've ever done. [Re: PrincessP]
Royloveshiswife Offline
Member

Registered: 03/06/10
Posts: 167
Loc: rural Missouri
Near as I can tell, you're kinda right. I don't think she catches my enthusiasm, so much as gets scared when she feels close to me. Then, she backs away. I work very hard to keep my feelings in check. But she's always known my mind. But I don't speak it anymore. Yet smile
_________________________
M-34
W-31
2 S,11&11
1 D, 6
T 13 YEARS
M 12 YEARS
ILYBINILWY OCT. 2009
We are too close. All we see are smears of paint. The Lord sees the masterpiece He is painting.

Top
#2231771 - 03/19/12 04:55 PM Re: The hardest thing I've ever done. [Re: Royloveshiswife]
PrincessP Offline
Member

Registered: 02/28/12
Posts: 54
Loc: NJ
I think my H does the same thing. Sadly, my H is in a full-blown relationship with another W. I'm pretty sure they are living together. He is living in another plane of existence these days. The more I 180 the less I get from him. Not sure if that is typical.

BTW, my H is from MO like you.
_________________________
M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already

Top
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