Hi bf, wasn't around much yesterday so I missed this. I know that hurts so much.
Please know that his issues are more about him than you. And you know men get hinky around the subject of being "the provider." Doesn't excuse it but it is THEIR issue.
I'd say he's scared and probably doesn't even really know why he left.
But perhaps he knows he can't compare to the awesomeness that is you.
I'm sure he can't.
(((bf)))
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Those words sting like nothing else, but please don't listen to anything he says.
The WAS thought process always amazes me. When they say they're not leaving the kids, but are leaving you...here's a newsflash, they are leaving everything and everyone, but they don't want to hear that.
I think that when they feel threatened and their decision is being questioned, they get more defensive and more hurtful with their words.
I'm sorry you had to deal with this last night. Enjoy your trip with the little munchkins and don't think about your H too much.
Feeling for you BF!! I have noticed in my sitch as we have just taken the next step in moving towards D I feel that my waw has become colder and meaner.
I think its their self-preservation/guilt/fear taking over and they paint us as something so negative that they feel justified to treat us cruel. It is a crazy dynamic, is totally unfair, and hurts like no other but unfortunatly their is nothing we can do.
B Bread...it's the worst to hear you feeling this pain.
Your feelings about how god could let this happen...I agree with what CES said ^^^^.
Just like how you raise your kids...you love then...but have to let them make their choices and experience life's tests, rewards and failures. That's why we're here, to grow, for our souls to grow. All these things in are lives are part of that process. As tough as it is right now (and BTW I want to deck your H too for hurting you like that), think of what a life altering challenge that is in front of him. If he fails the test he loses you, his kids, himself, everything. If he's lucky he will find it in him to grow.
Now look at you, you may be hurt beyond description, but you are at a higher place in M than him. You are confirming through pain that you were always capable of handling the responsibility of your M vows, and to be a parent to those beautiful kids of yours. You have realized the great and amazing woman you are through this. You have found friends here that truly love you. You have given your kids love, and more attention that they will never forget. You have literally altered them down to their DNA by the love you have given them as they grow.
You're on a tough path no doubt about it. If you had to look back on this from the future I can't see how you would have handled this any better. Blowing out your pain was a good thing. It was from the depths of your soul. You may think it might have harmed your M in some way. How could it? If he gets his [censored] together he would see that for what it was, a woman acting from strength, not weakness. You were right to tell him what your needs are. After all, you are acting from love, for yourself (which is okay you know), your kids and him.
(((BF))) It [censored], but maybe it will help you detach. As you may recall, I got the same thing a week or so ago. They say the eaxct same things. I wonder if they talk to each other?
Have good trip!
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
Hugs to you Barely... I had a similar episode on Sunday and am having your same feelings and am right there with you. Keep your chin up and and have a great trip with your kids! :-)
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
sleep finally took over after all the crying. when i woke up.. my eyes were so puffy i could barely open them! i looked like a bee had stung both my eyes.
i had a chance to read the early morning posts before i left and i just have to say.. thank you. it meant so much to me because it felt so close to having someone put their arms around me and letting me just cry it all out. i found so much comfort and i had a lot to think about on my drive.
what was supposed to be a 6hr drive turned out to be a 10hr trip. stopped to walk around the toy department of walmart.. get groceries.. a little retail therapy at ross..
there were moments when the kids were asleep.. the tears would just stream down my face as i was racing down the highway. i felt so much pain.. anger.. frustration.. i kept hearing H's words to me and i was so hurt. and i thought about this.. i have been through adversities in the past but i never expected those people to protect me. in the past, i had been so hesitant in relationships because i never wanted to end up divorced like my parents (and their's was not an amicable one). so when i met H, i took a chance.. and trusted he would not hurt me.. and when he said what he did.. it was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me because i trusted him w/ my heart.
i spent some time praying on my drive.. telling God that i could not endure anymore... to please just make it over. up until today i had been praying to heal my relationship w/ H (whatever that may be) but today i just prayed to heal my heart. i felt maybe there was some justification for me to hurt.. but what had my kids done to deserve this?
there was a point when i was driving.. i was listening to il divo... looking up at the grey skies.. and just thought to myself.. there is so much beauty all around me. my tears changed from sadness to awe. in that moment, i felt like my life was so insignificant. that my situation was so minor compared to many others before me. yes i was hurting.. but i was here.. surrounded by beauty and knowing that my children were healthy and with me.
H had actually shown up this morning w/ his friend. my first thought.. was he scared to face me himself? he asked if i taken any chowder and i said no. i said i just wanted to go. didn't expect to hear from him at all. planning my LRT... H did end up txting (right when we walked through the door actually). said he was sorry yesterday ended in so much anger. he wanted the kids and i to have fun etc. i didn't answer back. i did have the kids call before bed just so he knew they were safe (i'm not a heartless b*)
tonight i am physically drained. i'm actually drifting off and it's taken me 5 mins to write that last sentence. oh.. drifted again.. time to call it a night..
Me:38.. H:33. Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3 M:8.. together for 11. Bomb dropped:10/17/11 Separated:11/07/11
Barely, there are so many wise people here. And they value you. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. Hang in there. I think your trip will help. The ocean is scary but it can be soothing too. Kind of where we find ourselves now.
