Hi HRM! I am so impressed with your spy activities. You have to take care of your financial health. I'm sure his mommy has a lot to do with their children not being in contact with their dad. If she is helping him to destroy your M, I wouldn't put it past her. Of course, this is just supposition.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
BeingMe~ Thank you! Perhaps I missed my calling, should have been a spy. lol j/k There is no doubt in my mind his mommy is helping to systematically destroy our marriage, she is an evil, evil, judgmental person, with a very strange attachment to my H, she definitely favors him over her other 3 children, and has always hated me (I think she's jealous). I've been nothing but nice to that woman, yet she has always been cold and uncaring toward me. I really don't know why she favors him so much.... maybe because he's the first and she had him when she was 17.... don't know.... On the up side God is bigger than her....so.... whatever HE wants to be will be...
H's birthday was yesterday, I gave him a card and the gifts I bought him. He of course said exactly what I thought he would, "I appreciate the gesture, but I can't accept any gifts from you." I said well I hope you like what I got you and walked away. After I got home from having breakfast with my sister I asked if he had opened his gifts yet, he said no he didn't get a chance yet (yeah, cause sitting in front of the tv was waaay more important). Again he said I shouldn't have gotten him anything. I said, "Well I get people I care about gifts for their birthdays. I hope you enjoy them." Then I walked away.
My dad, a friend of mine and I went to get some soil for my garden. As soon as H saw my dad pull up he bolted out of that living room so fast, went to hide in the bathroom. How pathetic is that? Surprisingly when we got back he was still home, but he came flying out the door and left the minute we pulled into the driveway. I felt bad for dad, it's his first encounter with invasion of the body snatchers H.
I forgot to mention earlier in the day I was in the garage looking for my rabbit fence to keep the rabbits out of my garden, well H apparently took it upon himself to throw it away at the bulk drop off! I was good, remained calm, even though he had a smug look on his face, clearly he tries to hurt me, and that is just sad. Just because he is pretending to be great all the time doesn't mean he needs to hurt me so I can feel just as bad as he does, but whatever, he will have to answer for that someday. I told him it was no big deal, I would just buy more..... on the inside I was annoyed.
So he came home while my friend and I were constructing the garden, and we were getting ready to leave because we didn't get enough soil. H says to me in a very irritated voice, "Are you taking a house key with you this time because I'm going to be leaving soon and I don't want to have to wait around for you." I stayed cool, calm and collected and simply said, "I always have a house key with me." H said, as I'm walking to the door, "Well I saw both sets of car keys and thought you didn't have one with you, that's all I'm saying." I didn't reply I just walked out the door. Now I know he knows I have a set of house keys that are not with the car keys, been that way for years...... I feel like he's always trying to pick a fight and always trying to do things to hurt me. He does do things to hurt me but I NEVER let him see the emotional pain he is causing me, I just put on a happy face..... then fantasize smothering him with his pillow.... LOL KIDDING, I'm KIDDING!!!!
He did eventually open the gifts and card, he was probably surprised by the card, it wasn't mushy, in fact it was quite funny. There's a cartoon animal on the front and it reads Hippo Birthday, on the inside it reads, "what you didn't expect me to look at all 12 million cards in the store did you?" Then I wrote, "Happy Birthday, I hope it's a great one! Respectfully, Heather." Sooooo way different than any card I have ever given him.
Later I saw the cards he got from his family, his one brother got him a card with a bunch of bimbos on it. His mother got him a card with Yoda on it which read, "fulfill your destiny you must" the inside reads, "much to celebrate there is Happy Birthday." Have I mentioned how evil this woman is!!! Much to celebrate, really??!!??!! On the up side, some day she will reap what she sows..... at least I have to keep telling myself that!
He didn't really have a reaction last night when I told him I won't be home tonight. He just said you won't be home at all? I said no..... he just walked back into the garage and started throwing more stuff out......
My friend thinks he is totally crazy, insane really..... he is definitely having a break from reality...... when I filled my sister in at breakfast she was totally stunned.... it's always interesting to see someone in Normalville's reaction when you tell them about the Twilight Zone your life has become....
I had myself a nice crying, praying fit this morning in his room.... I like to pray in there, I feel like that space needs positive energy.... but who knows maybe I'm nuts too.... maybe crazy is contagious...... lol
Today finds me emotionally sad and frustrated..... I really can't believe no one in his family (except the father he doesn't speak to) doesn't see through his acting and see he has a real problem.... but then again, they could and just not be saying anything because that's how his family works, talk about the person's issues behind their back, but to their face tell them they are making the right decision and that everything is great! And to top it all off give them really, really, crappy advice. Oh the joys of his dysfunctional family......
Ok, I'm done venting for now..... sorry I've practically written a book....as always thanks to all who let me vent here, it really is helpful, especially since everyone here knows the kind of craziness I'm going through.... You guys are all wonderful!
hrm, We all learn to become spies during this time. You will get better at it as you go along. Right now, he thinks you are stupid and wouldn't think of looking at receipts and bills that are coming in. He's relying on you being the person you've always been and not thinking about it and yes, he's hoping that he can gaslight you along the way to believe in him and that he would never hurt you in any way. When they are in mlc, they are the exact opposite of the people we loved and knew, therefore, you are going to have be on your toes and observe and listen to what he's saying and watch his body language...it's a dead give away at times.
You handled his birthday in an excellent manner. The reason he felt he couldn't accept any gifts from you is because he's riddled w/guilt. That's the way they operate all of the time when it comes to gifts, cards, etc. If you hadn't gotten him something, he would have made a comment at some point about it.
As for the fencing to keep the bunnies out, he knew you needed that fencing, but he got rid of it just like a spoiled little brat. He wanted to still your thunder because you were doing your garden boxes and he didn't want you to have any pleasure in doing them, so in his PA way, he wanted to make you angry. I'm glad you remained calm about it.
As for the keys, he's just picking at you. He knows good and well that you always have a house key on a different ring. Again, he doesn't like to see you enjoying yourself and he wanted to annoy you so that you wouldn't have fun.
You might want to check to see what he's tossed out...it might be something you can use. Of course, he's not going to comment on you going out...he's PA and he'll find another way to get back at you! LOL!
You are doing great...keep up the good work and whatever you do, don't let him see you sweat!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
snodderly~ I totally agree with you about the rabbit fence and the keys.... it's just sad really. I can not stand passive aggressiveness.... I have one very passive aggressive co-worker, I don't need anymore people in my life like that, she is plenty to deal with.... sometimes I really wonder if putting up with all this is really worth it.... (then I remember how much I love him and all the good times) I also wonder what he would do if the roles were reversed......
T~ lmao!!!! They should totally have a bathroom bolting competition!!! That would be hilarious!!! OMG, we could think of other events it could be a whole MLC Olympics!!! Hey who says we left behind spouses can't have some laughs during their crisis.....
So the rest of my weekend was great! It was nice to spend some time with my mom, and she had a great mother's day! Texted me a little bit ago and told me how much she misses me already. lol I told her it's nice that someone misses me being around.
I made the mistake of reading on the couch while H was watching tv.... he's doing something on his phone, which apparently in his crazy little head, is top secret cause he keeps turning the phone so I can't see it, and if I get up to get some water from the kitchen he turns it over real quick.... very mature..... God sure does have a strange sense of humor.... teenagers annoy me to no end, and yet my H has turned into one.... go figure.
Believe it or not he did actually thank me this morning for his birthday gifts. This morning was the first I saw him since Saturday night..... he knocked on my door this morning and said, "I just wanted to say thank you for the birthday gifts. I wish you wouldn't have done that." I said, "You are welcome and I hope you like them." He said he did, I turned back around to my closet and went about figuring out what to wear to work.
T and Wendy~ Thought of you guys last night.... the feral cat reference popped into my head when I came home and saw H had actually eaten some leftovers in the fridge. It's funny because before I had left Sunday I left a note on the fridge for him to help himself to any leftovers, I came home and he had eaten some.... just made me think of a stray cat eating food you leave out for it!
So tomorrow I have my consult with a different lawyer.... ugh.... and another consult fee.... fun, fun....... Oddly enough I have counseling directly after..... which is good because I'm feeling crappy today.... not sure why.... just wish he could see what's right in front of him.... and I wish his evil mother would disappear....... It doesn't help that I have a major headache (besides the one sitting on the couch!)...... nothing a good nights sleep won't cure! OH!!! exciting news..... (well exciting to me) I found pillows like the ones I fell in love with at the hotel in Salem!!!!! I may never want to leave my bed again!!! hahahahahahaha.......
Ok.... so I'm suspicious..... and well I don't want to be.... maybe this is part of his cycle, I'm sure it's hoping too much to think he could be coming to the end of craziness.... H came into the bathroom while I was in the shower this morning.... wanted some....ahh....attention, shall we say..... and then he made me an egg sandwich for breakfast..... very very strange..... Last night he also let his door open for awhile, I thought he may actually leave it open all night but he didn't..... and today before he left he closed it tightly, and his toothbrush still has migrated from the toothbrush holder (heaven forbid our toothbrushes touch!) to the far side of his sink...... Perhaps I over think..... or am used to crazy, bad stuff happening.... who knows......
Anyway, yesterday's lawyer consult went well. She said any money he spends as far as retirement, etc he will have to prove it went toward something related to the marriage.... and if he files I don't have to do anything if I don't want to, in PA you can wait 2 years, so at least in that respect I have some sort of choice. I don't think it was worth the $200 consult fee.... but hey, I just wanted to know if all this craziness continues and he doesn't face his issues am I gonna get screwed out of what I am entitled to, so I got that answered. I hate to be like that, and it's not about the money but I don't want the rest of my world turned upside down, he's down enough of that!
Looks like your feral cat made a visit...lol...but realized what he was doing later...W has done this soooooo many times....its like they go "oh, wait just a minute here...I am nor supposed to do this, spouse is why I am unhappy, spouse is wrong for me", etc, etc.
Crazy and petty (toothbrushes touching....ewwwwwwwww)...yup.
All the fun us committed, responsible people are missing...
Just laugh...its all I can do most times anymore when I get this sort of juvenile behavior...
Hey, at least he showed some interest sensually, I wouldn't mind that at all from W atm. This "meeting own needs" thingy is less than optimal after so much time.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
LOL T you always make me laugh! Which is great cause at the moment I'm not a well woman.... I'm totally losing my voice, feel terrible, and then I randomly went into a crying fit as I wrestled with the hose after watering my garden! I can never get that thing back around the hangy thing.... so apparently it was enough to send me over the edge today... I guess thinking about the whole, gee, crappy week, I'm sick and I just want my H to give me a hug, but that's not going to happen deal got the best of me and the hose wrestling just did me in! I have recovered nicely from the crying fit and think some hot tea will do my aching throat some good.
LOL self service is good for some things..... you know like gas stations, I'm cool with that.... refilling beverages at some restaurants, no issues there...... But really in the bedroom it shouldn't have to be self service all the time.... it's just not right! LOL However, you mentioned something on your thread about temptations, not sure what you were eluding to there, but keep in mind self service is the best way NOT to get an STD..... just throwing that out there.... one never knows what other people have, and you can't always trust people to tell you the truth..... This ends the public service announcement part of my post. lol
p.s.~ For inquiring minds the hose is still lying mostly on the ground, I gave up.... hose hanger-1, Heather- 0.
I hate the hose thing as well...did they change what they make hose from these days? I don't remember it being such a PITA growing up...
I am sorry your sick and all, for me, being male, being sick turns me into a big baby...so thankfully I have not gotten sick really since BD. Consider yerself hugged from the Rocky Mountains..
The temptations are more than just that...tempted to initiate a R talk, tempted to give ultimatum, tempted to give up, tempted to take a mental vacation with a case of beer and a couple packs of smokes and other things (I quit all that), tempted to have my own private mlc...lol. So yah, that human contact thing is there (must be the spring and more skin thing).
I could go hang out with my old band mates, a couple of their age appropriate female friends had interest, and my new physique might make that more so. But I don't see myself pursuing anything, but I am not as confident how I would react if I were pursued...I don't need any more drama in my life atm.
Like sandi2s list said..."avoid bars and other places"...guess that means a trip to Amsterdam is NOT in my immediate future...
I am glad I made you laugh...this forum is bringing back that part of me that I misplaced somewhere along the way, that W really liked (I still remember the first time I made her bust up REALLY laughing...ok, don't go there T^2).
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
