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#2228650 - 03/07/12 05:20 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here..........part 11 [Re: Crimson]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
A dash of argument in a family is healthy....it facilitates growth if done in a respectful manner and with knowledge that each is looking for a solution, not to win.

Everyone on this board is so full of emotion that, well, I'm suprised there aren't more DB board battles, but then again, look at the high quality of the people here.

And hey Crimson, people have opinions, you listened, and answered in a stand up manner. DB'ing applies in all our relationships.

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#2228661 - 03/07/12 05:36 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here..........part 11 [Re: rickb89]
Crimson Offline
Member

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 1128
So w e-mailed me in the office to ask how s did this morning. I gave her a quick update. She apologized for me having to take him an extra day - which I did not mind at all and told her as much.

She relpied later and said that "I think all the counseling and appointments have become too much for me…hopefully will taper off soon." She followed up by saying that the appointments with our MC are "exhausting". I never really picked up on the from her after the sessions at all - they seemed to go well. I feel as if this has something to do with the "break down" she had earlier this week. I will fight my natural urge to jump to conclusions - but it feels....."weird" - to say the least. I am hoping she doesn't want to eject from MC with the intent of focusing on charging forward with D.

Guess we'll see.

Crimson
_________________________
M: 40/W: 40
T:8 M:6
S: 3
Bomb: 9/10/11
W Files: 9/22/11
D: 7/12
W Moves out: 11/10/11

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#2228682 - 03/07/12 06:25 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here..........part 11 [Re: Crimson]
Crazyville Offline
Member

Registered: 01/07/12
Posts: 1046
What about the IC for each of you? When is that scheduled?
_________________________
Me:49 WAW H:59
T:19.5 M:19
S:13

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#2228691 - 03/07/12 06:42 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here..........part 11 [Re: Crazyville]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
"She relpied later and said that "I think all the counseling and appointments have become too much for me…hopefully will taper off soon." She followed up by saying that the appointments with our MC are "exhausting". I never really picked up on the from her after the sessions at all - they seemed to go well."

The MC sessions are draining on your W because she is spending time processing, after the fact. If all we did was process during the session and then not reflect on what we heard or what was said or what we intended to do with the information then there would be no growth.
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

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#2228702 - 03/07/12 07:14 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here..........part 11 [Re: Harrier]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 9920
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: Harrier
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
ps



People witnessing Crimson's journey on these threads, (and his journey is among the bravest I've seen), have learned A LOT and that has tremendous value.




I disagree. Why is he any braver than most of us here? I mean just because he was such an absent father who has "seen the light." I think it's an insult to many of the people here.

I've read all of his thread and frankly I don't see how he is that much different than a lot of guys here, except for his complete lack of being a partner to his wife.

I'm not saying he hasn't shown personal growth or had some valuable insights to himself. But the hyperbole is a little much.

Flame on.


Wow I didn't see that coming. From where Crimson began, to where he is now, has been an amazing journey INWARD, with outward results as well. I'm amazed this bothers anyone.

Are you also saying no one else has learned from his journey?

I know for a fact that several others have said they are looking at his journey as a model for their own paths.

Crimson has changed himself by first looking at all of his own flaws (a feat in itself, & one that many LBSers never do)

and

so far, he really owned those flaws and he sure seems to be changing them.

It has nothing to do with other people, except that I think he has done more changing than most.

If the fact that he needed to change more, lessens him in your eyes, so be it.


I think it's another reason that most people would have looked away from their flaws instead of facing them.

As a follower of 12 step programs, I know how hard it is to take an inventory of ourselves and then to make amends.


But that's what I see Crimson doing. I meant every word I said.
I cannot see how that insults anyone.
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2228704 - 03/07/12 07:18 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here..........part 11 [Re: 2thepoint]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 9920
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: 2thepoint
"She relpied later and said that "I think all the counseling and appointments have become too much for me…hopefully will taper off soon." She followed up by saying that the appointments with our MC are "exhausting". I never really picked up on the from her after the sessions at all - they seemed to go well."

The MC sessions are draining on your W because she is spending time processing, after the fact. If all we did was process during the session and then not reflect on what we heard or what was said or what we intended to do with the information then there would be no growth.


I agree with this^^ so in a way it's good.

Tread carefully and don't fix...let her be.
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2228707 - 03/07/12 07:24 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here..........part 11 [Re: 25yearsmlc]
Crimson Offline
Member

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 1128
Hey CV - MC for next week is stil on the calendar. My session is on the 13th and w's session is on the 14th. On the 12th we have a meeting with our reproductive endocrinologist. She has said nothing about cancelling any of them, but lord knows what can happen.

Not gonna read too much into it right now. Just giving space.

Crimson
_________________________
M: 40/W: 40
T:8 M:6
S: 3
Bomb: 9/10/11
W Files: 9/22/11
D: 7/12
W Moves out: 11/10/11

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#2228712 - 03/07/12 08:01 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here..........part 11 [Re: Crimson]
cat04 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/31/09
Posts: 2164
Originally Posted By: 25
In fact, I think he's one of maybe 3 or 4 men I've "met" here, in my 6 years posting, that has truly been confronted with brutally honest feedback

and he's taken it all in and made serious changes within.


25,

I rarely disagree with what you have to say, even if I might say it differently myself...

This though ^^^ leaves a very bad taste in my mouth.

Many, many men have come here broken and have grown and made changes that are just as great as Crimson has. Not just 3 or 4, and if that is all you have seen, maybe you need to check out the archives...

I find it insulting to the wonderful men who are here, trying to do something that both of us would have killed to have happen...

fight to save their marriages...

That, in itself, is commendable.

Originally Posted By: 25
I do have a problem with inexperienced posters who are not constructive,
and or- do not base their feedback on DB principles...


No one comes to these boards an expert in DB principals.

It is through posting and receiving feedback that they learn how to apply DB concepts.

Were you an expert poster on your first post? Were you an expert poster when you first posted to another?

This is insulting to the so called "inexperienced posters" that read and learn off of ALL threads, especially ones like this, IMO.

Originally Posted By: 25
So when he's ready, I am confident Crimson will make significant positive contributions.

His thread has already triggered a lot of growth for many who read it.

People witnessing Crimson's journey on these threads, (and his journey is among the bravest I've seen), have learned A LOT and that has tremendous value.


Personally, when I see people really grasping and applying the advice they are receiving, I encourage them to reach out to others as I believe it helps to solidify the growth they are experiencing.

What I have found is that posting to others is a great way to keep the lessons that we have learned and the DB principals fresh in our mind and our hearts.

Isn't that really what we are all here to do?

Crimson, sorry for the hijack...
_________________________
The beginner scorns criticsm.
The wise soul carefully weighs it.
The Master says, "But of course!"

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#2228735 - 03/07/12 09:23 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here..........part 11 [Re: cat04]
Rick1963 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/11
Posts: 2439
Loc: Piney Land
Evening Crimson. Sorry for the havoc I have caused to your thread. But I care about everyone in this board Because I know why they are here. I am not known to be a great communicator. I am very proud of the work you have done so far. You have more contact with your W than most. Yes I have read most of your threads regardless of what some may think. But when I read your posts all I see is you obsessing about you, your W, your child , D work and other stuff.

Others have asked you about GAL but I have never seeing you mention about it. Maybe I am not that sharp as a previous poster sumized. Correct me if I'm wrong butif your W trully leaves you what will you have as support?

I think you need to branch out, reach out to others in need you may learn something new or help someone. This is not all about you.

PS: be happy or be right is a great slogan only if you practice it.
_________________________
M 51
W 50
D 17
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 11/12
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden






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#2228755 - 03/07/12 11:07 PM Re: Never thought I'd be here..........part 11 [Re: Rick1963]
Accuray Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/11
Posts: 2080
Crimson,

It must be nice having people argue about whether or not you're TOO good at DB! The great irony here is that while some may be holding you up as a shining example, you're still in a lot of pain. Let's not all forget that. Crimson is hurting. I vote that the argument should be dropped whether or not Crimson is the "best DB'er ever" and get back to focusing on helping and encouraging Crimson! Sheesh.

Accuray
_________________________
Married 18, Together 20
M: 45, W: 47, D: 15, S: 13, D: 9
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Good Piecing 9/11 - 6/12
ILYBINILWY (again) 7/12
Piecing Again 9/12

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