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#2227793 - 03/05/12 04:28 PM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: MrBond]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10563
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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#2227794 - 03/05/12 04:29 PM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: MrBond]
Hard2bHopefull Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 40
so dont even reply to her?

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#2227796 - 03/05/12 04:33 PM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: Hard2bHopefull]
Hard2bHopefull Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 40
thanks for that video
its very inspirational

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#2227807 - 03/05/12 04:59 PM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: Hard2bHopefull]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10563
Nope. You can answer her when YOU are ready. Feel around your neck. Do you feel a leash on it? No? Then it's time you learned she's not your owner.

If she gets pissed about you not answering, that's her issue. You can tell her that your phone was off, or that you didn't get the message, or whatever. Point is that you are your own man. You made mistakes, well so did she. She's not completely blameless. But you need to get your confidence back.

Right now I hear you debating in your posts about the things you can't do, etc. BS. If you don't have friends, make some, volunteer, do something. If you prefer to be alone, then do something introspective. Something that will break the cycle.

You don't need to jump through the hoops that she's holding.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2227951 - 03/05/12 10:45 PM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: MrBond]
Hard2bHopefull Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 40
the only reason i asked is will this ruin any chances of an amicable divorce and possibly working it out later down the road. she is not going to back down from the divorce thing.

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#2227979 - 03/06/12 02:14 AM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: Hard2bHopefull]
Hard2bHopefull Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 40
also i feel like im gunna loose the only chance of getting her to go to MC and possibly IC.

before this, i had asked her about it and she said are you going to sign the papers if i do this. and it pissed me off so all i said was im not going to make it an ultimatum.

but at the same time i really dont want this to end with 0 counseling.

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#2228325 - 03/06/12 09:02 PM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: Hard2bHopefull]
MrBond Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/08
Posts: 10563
Now is definitely not the time for C. If you force her to go it will make things worse. It makes you sound controlling or bargaining. The time isn't right.

Stop depending on her in your sitch and focus on you.
_________________________
M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

Top
#2228399 - 03/07/12 12:22 AM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: MrBond]
pulpwood Offline
Member

Registered: 02/14/12
Posts: 181
MrBond is right. Take time to do you. College is a great place to Get A Life. I know b/c I spent 7 years at 4 different colleges to get a BS. There is always some activity like a movie, or magic show, or live music, or intermural golf, basket weaving. Whatever. Just do something.

Find a study buddy or a study group in one of your classes.

Take MrBonds advice, turn the phone off. You are not ready. Nothing good will come of a D talk now. You will not change her mind today. MC will not change her mind today. There is no quick fix. Talking is not the answer. All of your talking has just sped things right along hasn't it?

Take this time. Regroup. Find yourself. Start doing for YOU.
_________________________
Me-33
W-28
S-5
M-7
ILYBNILWY-1/15/12 7 year itch?

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#2228607 - 03/07/12 03:11 PM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: pulpwood]
Hard2bHopefull Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 40
so i got the divorce recovery book yesterday and I finished reading it this morning. unfortunately for me i feel like Im forced straight into the LRT and my wife has already shut the door on our marriage. so i feel like there is very little hope. I wont give up just yet but i dont want to give my self a false since of things but ill continue to "act as if".

she is going this weekend to Washington with her family to visit some other family (someone is sick) I didn't get much info on it but she told me a while ago and I just remembered.
this will be the first time she is really getting away and is not filling her life with work. so i think she may now have time to really reflect.(i hope)

I know it doesnt seem like it but i really have been taking all of your advice. I continue to do things for myself and not because i think they will bring her back but because they make me feel good and things that i want to do for me.

I can see why you all keep pushing the fact, because all i do when i come on the forums is talk about her or my sitch. but what im really trying to do is get help reading her actions and words. so i know what to do with them.

if you had not told me to not reply to her i would have said something smart @ss like or something pushing MC.

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#2228608 - 03/07/12 03:19 PM Re: OMG I cant believe she is gone [Re: Hard2bHopefull]
Hard2bHopefull Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/12
Posts: 40
i have a question about spending money at this point. we have not filed or at least i have not heard of her filing. so am i free to buy things for my self. I have been wanting a new set of Beats by Dre headphones.

My question is if and when we do go through divorce do my purchases or what i do with my money matter before the divorce is filed. we have separate checking and a shared savings.

is it illegal for me to touch our savings account money if we are still legally married and not legally separated. if i withdraw some money from my checking am i still accountable for it when the time comes. Im sure i can pay a lawyer to help me with this but im hoping someone on here may have the answer for me. im not looking to hide my money or anything i just dont want to spend any on anything and then still be accountable.

another reason is some of my friends have been talking about taking a trip to vegas and i want to go but if i loose money gambling or something in this sitch that im in. i dont know what the repercussions are.
Im not afraid of what my wife thinks but i am afraid of what a judge might think.

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