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He live's in the Atlanta suburban home we lived in before we bought this more expensive Atlanta suburban home near the business in '07. The homes are about 9-10 miles apart. I am three miles from the business location.

He has and continues to deny, deny, deny there is another woman. Always has. Early on in the separation I cross-examined him with dis-information. I claimed I was aware of the woman for some time. He then said, "it was my fault for not telling him to stop seeing her." He quickly backtracked to the standard partyline "you got no proof."

Also, Mr. Bond,

I just left a voice mail for husband. General busiiness taken care of. I expressed my concerns, as he is always on top of these matters. Wanted to check in and make sure he is ok, just to say hello, no pressure, call me back if you wish, I am here.

I hope this was a good VM.

Yas

About a year into the separation there is no doubt in my mind that I saw them together, quite close up - in full view, with my glasses on. And they surely recognized me and my car. Both of us had our convertable tops down.

When brought to his attention, he told me "[I] did not see what [I] saw."gaslighting at it's finest - but wasn't working that time).

I previously had made several similar citings, but couldn't swear to it. But this one, I would trade my dominant arm for - no problem.

There is a girl. She is younger.

I cannot swear to this one. But one citing looked like this girl in the convertible holding up an infant (or a plastic doll). Both our cars are BMW Z3's. Remember, I can't swear to this one. There could be some mental block for that.

Maybe I will get up enough energy to write about the suspicious "trickle truth." it came just before the fatal trip to Greece in September 08.


Married 27 Years
Together 32 Years
4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08
Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012
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Have you brought up any of those things with your L? Just want to be sure you're taken care of and that he's not giving everything to the OW.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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My L, she is best in Atlanta. His L, he is also has best in Atlanta. My L knows every single thing. Enormous efforts have been taken to keep watch on what is possible to keep watch on. We have an outstanding business valuator, respected by this Court system.

There is nothing else that can BR done other than extreme foensic examinations, that might extend overseas that may or may not (likely the later) be fruitful). That is just the reality of th restaurant business. For all I know, he could have had a secret life or a duplicate life for the entire marriage.

I certainly am aware he is a chronic pathological liar, know it, accept it, know how to read it, and knew how to handle it to a point back then. Much more strategic, watch-dog measures would definitely have to be in place, covertly, in the future, for his own good.

as new business owners, I just missed my chance to go over the tax records as the divorce proceedings began. But, if this divorce had not began due to the abandonment in '08, I garaientee you, a divorce proceeding wound have gotten under way the minuite I demanded to look at the books with the "new" accountant."

So, it was gonna happen one way or another. No one passes any paper past me. And I was already sensing that the women have to keep their noses out of the busniss matters.

Now, when it comes to trying to buy the business, the paperwork, the assets, yeah, all that jazz....I had to handle that over a two year period. It was like a second dissertation in the most God awful topic imaginable - such as a Case Study of the Longitudinal Effects of Eskimo Spitz Manure on the Elastisity of Southern White Cornshucks. (Bite me. Advisor already has complaints about your study title, and she's not even in Ag. Ed., go back to the drawing board). You get me?


Married 27 Years
Together 32 Years
4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08
Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 144
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Yasu Offline OP
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Today, an event occurred I have not seen in a while. Husband contacted his American Express to change email from mine to an email called "mythos kalos" which appears to mean "beautiful story" or "buautiful talk" in his language.

At the separation he took me off the business accounts, and these emails really reveal nothing but his reaped calls to get a new card or number - or that he is late in paying. Many times I have tried to forward them back to AmEx, with no luck.

I just think it I'd interesting it happened about noon today. And yesterday evening, I made my "Hello" call. Actually, putting 2+2 together really hurts.

I investigated the email address and it doesn't exist. This brings up another concern.

My husband is. Not computer literatate, and as far as I know. Has never known how to operate an email. Further, he doesn't, or hasn't actually known what it was up until the time I had contact with him.

I am right back to a point of anxiety. What does this mean? Why does he come up with Mythoskalos as an email address? What the heck is so happy about the story these days? That is what inquiring minds would like to know.

Well, I avoided sending a smart-assed email to the address, despite my search turned up no such address (you really don't know until you try).

I fully expect to recieve something terrible in the near future from his attorney. What else can I do? Mr. Bond? Any other ideas?

In Bob Grants book, as the last resort - and he means last, he recommends arranging one last meeting and soon into the meeting, make the following statement, get up, and walk out:

"If you are not careful, you will lose me forever."

Grant says even if it's a meal, have the meal, be polite, make the statement and walk out. That is the end. It is an ultimatum.

If I have to go thru a trial, after what I have been thru with the legal system already, (and he knows very well how it impacted me), I really think I would be completely finished with him.

It is a boundary for me. Just like the late mortgage, and continued nonresponiveness regarding my badly needed support check. Once it came to the clear conclusion that the credit reports would be dinged in a domino effect, that crossed a boundary with me, and I handed to the attorney.

I assume that pissed him off. And I have really sweated bullets in the past. But it was too damn tight this time for games.

I am really taking Mr. Bond's suggestion to put ALL matters pertaining to money into the attorneys hands - so he will not associate me will money. I think that was a brilliant suggestion. I am currently putting together apx. $2-3000 worth of Court ordered items he owes me for. I had planned to ask for them a little at a time. I will just give the whole banana to L. Thank you Mr. Bond.

Guys, what does it all mean? I'm spinning. I can control urges, but I am spinning. Please, help!!


Married 27 Years
Together 32 Years
4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08
Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012
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It means your H is a self-absorbed d-bag.

Sorry you have to go through all of this. Right now you really have to let him go in your heart and mind. Start looking at your happiness and find the love that deserves to have you.

If he comes back it will be on your terms. Not his.

Get your spirit and strength back. You matter. You live and breathe. You are the beautiful spirit and not something to be discarded. You need to be celebrated.

See it as freedom from someone who has imprisoned you for far too long.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Yasu Offline OP
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I screwed up. I left probably 5 VM voicing my first concern, then frustration, then paranoia, and then anger that I receive NO RESPONSE regarding misteriou email change with American Express. Point being, email address account has been changed to does not exist.

I summarized in a final VM that I felt he was playing games with this, and sitting there with his friends just laughing at my concerns, and repeated VM.

I told him my boundary is the divorce. I am tired of games, and I will no longer phone him on matters of concern - as he doesn't have the decency to take my call, or refer my call to another person. I gave him tonight to correct this, or I will simply go dark and block his phone.

Well, 2x4s come forth. I lost it. I am so vigilwnt about the computer, and hacking. I provided the phone number if he did not authorize this, and that's all I can do.

I know he just pushed feline on my first call. He listened to the VM's that followed each time. Just refuses to take calls.

I have one last idea, I used 27 years ago, and he came to me and proposed marriage.

I sent him a photo of me next to my little car, with a little statement to the effect of "I had really enjoyed my time with him.". Period. By then I had two other boyfriends. It was less than 30 days, he called and proposed marriage.

It is not that I do not have similar opportunities. I am just totally uninterested, due to the amount of medications I take. Also, it is not the time to engage in such activity, as my judgment is impaired by the medications.

I feel like I need to make one he'll of a splash though. Please, please please. Ideas? I know I messed up. I can still leave town. And I can still block my phone. This is the best way to get back on the "detachment horse.". That, I know I can do! Yas


Married 27 Years
Together 32 Years
4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08
Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012
Joined: Aug 2011
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Yass take a walk breath I hear u about the spinning. They call that fear


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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Yasu Offline OP
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Ok, back to the dark. Making plans asap to get out of town. I reached with the "hello," and got crazy-making button picking that worked.

Too agoraphobic for the walk. But not for the plan.

Back to detachment, hand the email issue over to attorney in the morning when I'm calm. All things go thru attorney from here on out, period. New boundary due to disrespect on aforementioned matter.

No hopes or expectations. I will hang with my GAL new friends, and stop obsessing about this matter. If he wants a trial, and a divorce, after my contributions to this long marriage, then he has chosen to cross another boundary.

I'm sorry, but these are my boundaries. After a divorce, "to have me, you got to buy me," as Bob Grant's book says. And I don't come cheap. My "value" is very high. Now, that is that. The parental blocks will go onto my cell phone asap (they are for my protection).

Done and done. And no more "dove angel" prayers for the sadistic dirt-bag
either. Thank you guys. Yas


Married 27 Years
Together 32 Years
4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08
Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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I don't think you understand that your "boundary" isn't D. It is the action that has been reached as a result of him crossing your boundaries.

PLEASE no grand last minute gestures like you described. He doesn't care right now and after that rant you left, he's probably thinking "good riddance!"

Also, I don't know if you responded to my other message asking about your meds. When did you start taking them? They really seem to be taking their toll on you.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Never mind, I found your response about the meds.

IMHO your doctors are right. It seems that your condition (anxiety, stress, paranoia) is a result of outside stimuli and not anything biological.

Your posts are very erratic and so I'm really concerned about that. I know it's difficult to wean yourself off of the meds, but I firmly believe that unless you get a handle on how to deal with stress in general, you will be dependent on meds for the rest of your life.

You should and CAN live without that. Maybe you need to just totally change your life and do something that doesn't require so much stress. Living simpler doesn't mean you're sacrificing anything. A quiet lifestyle may suit you well after all this.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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