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#2227482 - 03/04/12 07:23 PM Re: 11th Hour of Divorce & Trial: What Else Can I Do? [Re: Yasu]
Rick1963 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/11
Posts: 2446
Loc: Piney Land
God said come as you are. No need to be embarrased.
_________________________
M 51
W 50
D 17
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 11/12
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden






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#2227483 - 03/04/12 07:25 PM Re: 11th Hour of Divorce & Trial: What Else Can I Do? [Re: Yasu]
Yasu Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/12
Posts: 144
No children. I am 55. I don't want to get dependent any more than necessary. Mistakes lack of focus are completely related to fear of the unknown legal maneuvers I sense are coming my way soon. As well, I an extremely comfortable, and more than the average person, attached to my dwelling - sort of like a cocoon. This is no time to unroot me. I live in constant panic that this and the rental home I have worked so hard on will be lost.

Husband got what he wanted from properties - equity to buy business. He has demonstrated he does not give a flip about losing them. Since I will be bought out of the business, I surely hope to keep the rental as it is an outstanding investment property. The house I'm living in was not smart to get, but was his plan and ulterior motive it appears - and it's a little late now. Yas
_________________________
Married 27 Years
Together 32 Years
4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08
Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012

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#2227484 - 03/04/12 07:31 PM Re: 11th Hour of Divorce & Trial: What Else Can I Do? [Re: Yasu]
Yasu Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/12
Posts: 144
I always like to look drop dead great for church. And I need a serious dye job. Perhaps I can get my hair done this week and make Mt. Bethel a goal for next Sunday, since I already blew it today. If I'm at the rental, I could give St. James a try.
_________________________
Married 27 Years
Together 32 Years
4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08
Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012

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#2227900 - 03/05/12 08:55 PM Re: 11th Hour of Divorce & Trial: What Else Can I Do? [Re: Yasu]
Yasu Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/12
Posts: 144
Guys, I have a whole list of reading that I've been gathering to order from Amazon. But on reconsideration, I think I have researched and read enough for now. My husband is not here and hasn't been for six months. He refuses my calls.

All questions and inquires I have had have been recently answered by Mr. Bond, and Rick 64 and 68, and #25, as well as others.

My last lesson was that it is useless to mindread. These mindreading sessions related to surveillance activity are what have really thrown me off with my detachment process. I really understand now that while they are actions, they are actions without substance.

If a trial is going to come, then a trial is going to come. It is likely just a threat to intimidate me - just like it has. I can reach out if I recieve a summons. In the meantime, I will work on my own interests.

All money or business issues may now go thru my attorney, so I am not here waiting, and "EXPECTING" a forthcoming solution or decent response. Wiping his but is no longer my responsibility.

Any more reading is a waste I think. I have spent a month trying to attribute yet another diagnosis, MLC, to his behaviors, followed up with more analysis and research than the situation deserves at this point, I am beginning to believe. If my head stays in literature, my head stays on him. I am too smart to waste any more intellect on this matter. And I have really gone deep on the subjects in question. I think my animal is a true, helpless Narcissist, when it comes down to the letter. His behavior in Court was just too classic.

So, I am making my new charts for me, and trying to keep the topic on myself, unless an emergency or conundrum appears that throws me into confusion.

I hope you all agree the reading and research shop now stop. Hope to hear from my gang soon. Yas
_________________________
Married 27 Years
Together 32 Years
4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08
Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012

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#2227914 - 03/05/12 09:18 PM Re: 11th Hour of Divorce & Trial: What Else Can I Do? [Re: Yasu]
Rick1963 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/11
Posts: 2446
Loc: Piney Land
I did not attend church since I was a kid. Was actually proud of myself for going back even after so many decades. You will be ok going back and seek counsel from the priest/pastor. Plan on going this Sunday an let us know what the sermon was about.
_________________________
M 51
W 50
D 17
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 11/12
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden






Top
#2228316 - 03/06/12 08:46 PM Re: 11th Hour of Divorce & Trial: What Else Can I Do? [Re: Rick1963]
Rick1963 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/11
Posts: 2446
Loc: Piney Land
How are u Yass?
_________________________
M 51
W 50
D 17
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 11/12
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden






Top
#2228577 - 03/07/12 01:37 PM Re: 11th Hour of Divorce & Trial: What Else Can I Do? [Re: Rick1963]
Yasu Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/12
Posts: 144
Thank you for asking Rick. Kinda of depressed, but got my marching orders. My assistant helped me with overwhelming errand at two banks, a few stores, the tag office, and vet. We had to collect papers for Financial Affidavid, and get a printer cord, and food in the house, and a script. Took 4.5 hours - but all those tasks are done.

We will schedule the computer work time next to get these tasks off my plate.

See theripitst about new direction we've come up with. Also, Get my hair done tomorrow as well. I don't want to go to church with grey roots!

Called an old colleage, had a nice talk last night.

One thing bothers me - the fact my husband has refused to take any of my calls for a long time. Yet he has not changed his number. I know it's a mindread, but nonetheless it bugs me these days. Have not heard his voice since August.

I let go of the other mind-reads. Yas

Progress, wouldn't you say, Rick? Lot of daytime sleeping, not perfect.
_________________________
Married 27 Years
Together 32 Years
4th Year of Separation; D-Day 1 = 9/08, D-Day 2 = 12/08
Divorce Final Sept. 17, 2012

Top
#2228583 - 03/07/12 02:03 PM Re: 11th Hour of Divorce & Trial: What Else Can I Do? [Re: Yasu]
Rick1963 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/11
Posts: 2446
Loc: Piney Land
It is normal to miss your spouse. Are u sleeping all day because of medications? Yes some progress there.
_________________________
M 51
W 50
D 17
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 11/12
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden






Top
#2228592 - 03/07/12 02:42 PM Re: 11th Hour of Divorce & Trial: What Else Can I Do? [Re: Yasu]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 9931
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: Yasu
Thank you for asking Rick. Kinda of depressed, but got my marching orders. My assistant helped me with overwhelming errand at two banks, a few stores, the tag office, and vet. We had to collect papers for Financial Affidavid, and get a printer cord, and food in the house, and a script. Took 4.5 hours - but all those tasks are done.

Good job. I often think we ALL need personal assistants, or as my sister says "we need a wife"...


We will schedule the computer work time next to get these tasks off my plate.

See theripitst about new direction we've come up with. Also, Get my hair done tomorrow as well. I don't want to go to church with grey roots!

Called an old colleage, had a nice talk last night.

Good job!


One thing bothers me - the fact my husband has refused to take any of my calls for a long time. Yet he has not changed his number. I know it's a mindread, but nonetheless it bugs me these days. Have not heard his voice since August.

Why should he have to change his number when he can just ignore your calls? Changing a phone number is inconvenient as heck. And ignoring your calls makes sense when you consider the voice mails you left him, so if you want to mind read, that is my take on it.

What really matters is that you have no control over him or any of this. When you learn to let go of what you cannot control, your life will really improve.



I let go of the other mind-reads. Yas

Progress, wouldn't you say, Rick? Lot of daytime sleeping, not perfect.


yes progress on the whole...glad you're going to go back to church since it helped.

As Bond suggested, just adding or subtracting meds when you feel stress may be a good thing in the short run

but you MUST learn coping skills that are independent of meds. Do you agree with that?

What behavioral or cognitive therapy are you doing to learn to cope better?

Divorce is a major stressor and 4 years is a long time...but then again it's 4 years of you getting used to the idea...

but getting organized, a dog chewing a cord (my dog chewed the replacement cord too!) and other things you mentioned, are necessary hassles of life.

since you can afford a personal assistant, focus on gratitude for that and focus on other things that do not stress you.

oh as for GAL that do Not involve meeting new people (which goes against the grain for me, b/c I think the best GAL involves meeting new people...but I will back off that for now for your sitch)

You can join groups that are online, including a writer's group. Also several discussion groups exist including ones for people with your diagnosis AND your other interests too---so your focus won't be all about illness.

Keep on keeping on...
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

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#2228593 - 03/07/12 02:43 PM Re: 11th Hour of Divorce & Trial: What Else Can I Do? [Re: 25yearsmlc]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 9931
Loc: west coast
I meant to put this in red on the previous post...


Why should he have to change his number when he can just ignore your calls? Changing a phone number is inconvenient as heck. And ignoring your calls makes sense when you consider the voice mails you left him, so if you want to mind read, that is my take on it.
_________________________
m:51 H:55
M: 30 yrs
S25,D23,D15
H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille Weekend 8/08
M Restored 8/08

Be Happy OR be "Right"

FORGIVENESS: Your way out of hell

Top
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