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#2228271 - 03/06/12 06:43 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: labug]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
Ahh bug you got us now. Tell her the monkey said to go to h#ll!..kidding btw.
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2228275 - 03/06/12 06:58 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8507
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Thanks, Mnky! My peeps!
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2228364 - 03/06/12 10:44 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: labug]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Glad u feel better bugsy. Sometimes we need to tell even the most well meaning people to BTFO! Many r gonna think we're crazy for standing for our M's.

Xoxo

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#2228367 - 03/06/12 10:53 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: rickb89]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 753
How come she gets bugsy and i get banana bread? :P lol!

What I've really learned through this DB process is recognizing what I don't want as well. Do you feel that way? I recognize how I'm a fixer so I've made a concious effort to step back. And I really see it when people are trying to tell me what to do. So I'm learning to set boundaries with friends as well. I had to talk to bff and luckily she got the hint.

Whatever path you take.. We'll support you. It's a different story when it's suddenly your own M you're fighting for!
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2228371 - 03/06/12 10:59 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: barely floating]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 8507
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Thanks (((bf))) aka banana bread,

Yes, I think that as I begin to correct and reject those behaviors in me I become more sensitive to them in others.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M35 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2228556 - 03/07/12 12:44 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: labug]
WenikiTiki Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/11
Posts: 1073
Loc: Hawaii
I have the same problem with my friends and family. ZZI've said too much, they want me to just divorce the bum. My one friend has been trying to be on my DBing side. But she has decided a year is too long.

Now she just wants me to bail and be happy. I'm not sure it will make me happy. I'm also not sure I'm going to have a choice.

Bt Labug, I say do what feels fight to you!

Aloha,

Wendy
_________________________
Me 54 XH 55 Sons age 29 & 24 M:32 T:33
D final 9/12
Sold the house, Progress is being made!

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#2228620 - 03/07/12 03:37 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: WenikiTiki]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Whoa banana bread....all of my many nicknames for you are the highest forms of endearments. Must be one of those LL snafus here ha ha?

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#2228647 - 03/07/12 05:14 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: rickb89]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Bugsy - not only does DB'ing feel counterintuitive to us, it really seems crazy to most people who would tell us to ditch the WAS.

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#2228657 - 03/07/12 05:31 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: barely floating]
cat04 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/31/09
Posts: 2225
Originally Posted By: barely floating


What I've really learned through this DB process is recognizing what I don't want as well. Do you feel that way?


This is one of the things that happens throughout the DB process.

Truthfully, you really can't know what you want, if you don't know what you DONT want.

Something that many of us find with hindsight (boy what a wonderful thing) is that we never clearly understood what we wanted, in a partner, in a marriage, in a job, in life in general.

We had this idea that we wanted to "be happy, be healthy," etc... very general ideas.

Without being able to define those things, we just sort of go through life. And then something like a bomb comes along, and throws us for a loop.

As we really start to look at things, our past, our present, what we would like our future to look like, we start to find the definitions and our future suddenly becomes much clearer and hopefully, much brighter.

It is a tool that will serve you well as you move down this road. smile
_________________________

"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox

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#2228764 - 03/07/12 11:30 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: cat04]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Love this wisdom ^^^^

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