Get help from a Divorce Busting® Telephone Coach TODAY! We specialize in helping you get your marriage back on track, even when your spouse has one foot out the door. Don't be discouraged. We can help.
303-444-7004
or 800-664-2435
Page 1 of 12 1 2 3 ... 11 12 >
Topic Options
#2225576 - 02/27/12 10:38 PM Fear and Love
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7820
Loc: Sonoran Desert
There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life. ~ John Lennon
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


Top
#2225578 - 02/27/12 10:40 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: labug]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7820
Loc: Sonoran Desert
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


Top
#2225582 - 02/27/12 10:45 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: labug]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
Originally Posted By: barely floating
I ate a box of smarties today. That also helps.


Good luck falling asleep tonight! BTW I'm been chowing down on Robins Eggs!! Yum!
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

Top
#2225601 - 02/27/12 11:21 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: 2thepoint]
BklynMom Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1603
Another reason John Lennon was just amazing.
_________________________
----
M 37
H 34
D3,D2
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Served 5/2/12


Top
#2225602 - 02/27/12 11:22 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: 2thepoint]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Buggywhip you're an incredible woman.

Love the Lennon quote. Gave my oldest son the middle name "Lennon".

I identify with your plight. I am at the 1 yr mark too. Loved Mach's advice!

Top
#2225603 - 02/27/12 11:24 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: rickb89]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Brklyn....a Lennon fan.... all right!

Top
#2225606 - 02/27/12 11:35 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: rickb89]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
My mom raised me on the White Album! The Beatles just don't sound as good without all the dust and scratchy noises on the vinyl. Do you know what time John was shot? I do. My mom was in the delivery room with me 3 minutes after he was shot and they turned up all the radios to the news. She said she cried for his death while rejoicing my birth. You know that old saying: "for every death, theirs a new life", She liked to think that he was reincarnated in me... But I cant sing.

Didnt mean to go on a ramble, but I love Lennon and I really love that quote you shared smile you always have great thread names- that are always so fitting for the current mood of your sitch.
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

Top
#2225649 - 02/28/12 07:56 AM Re: Fear and Love [Re: purgatory]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7820
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Well, Purg, then your bday is the day after mine.

I remember where I was on that day.
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


Top
#2225660 - 02/28/12 08:27 AM Re: Fear and Love [Re: labug]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 983
My S13 has been a Beatles fan since he was 3 or 4 years old. He started off with the Beatles "1" collection. Now he's got about every album and can recite history of each person based upon biographies he's red.

About 4 years ago we took him to his first concert, "Ringo Starr and his All Star Band". It was pretty fun except for the drunk lady in the tube top next to us! (OK, I digress, back to your regularly scheduled programing...)
_________________________
Me:44, W:43
S:15, D:11
M:21, T:24
Bomb: July 2010
Stopped MC for 2nd time late summer 2013
Dropping the rope...

Top
#2225662 - 02/28/12 08:30 AM Re: Fear and Love [Re: labug]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7820
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Yesterday was the most difficult day I've had in a long time. I used to watch my kids struggle and be cranky when they were going through different developmental stages. Ee adults do the same but we often try to manage the fear and discomfort with substances, sex, withdrawal. Anything to make us feel better.

But in doing that we miss the struggle, the development of new muscles whether they be mental, emotional or physical. Without the pain of struggle maybe the change is incomplete and we never quite get to the other side or crawl out of the hole.

Originally Posted By: Mach1
The only time you are stuck, is when you find yourself on the cusp of taking a big step in your life...

You know you have to take the step, yet every ounce of fear in your body, will not allow you take that step.

What is keeping you where you are ? Fear. Fear that I'll be alone, fear that no one will love me fear of the unknown. For controllers like me this fear is what drives us. Everything must be well thought-out and planned to the nth degree so I am not seen as the imperfect person I am. Life without H was not a part of my plan.

And why are you allowing that fear to drive you backward ? I think it's in the grappling with it that I develop the strength to move forward.


What I've learned about detachment in the last couple of days=I have more work to do.

When I do things wondering if H will notice or respond, I'm not detached.
When I wonder what he's doing and if he's thinking of me, I'm not detached.
When I make plans based on what he might be doing, I'm not detached.
When I wake in the morning wondering if there will be an email from H, I'm not detached.
When I still obsess on what I could have done differently, I'm not detached.
When I dissect everything he does or says for hidden meaning, I'm not detached.

I've come a long way but I'm not there yet.

Originally Posted By: Mach1
That is still a part of looking back at them for our answers, and that we need a physical sign from them, to let them go.Yes, exactly what I was looking for. I've lived my life looking for signs from others on the right thing to do, the right thing to say, the right way to look...

What you will learn, is that the part of letting them go, that you are approaching....is not a conscious decision. It is a state of mind that you get to. It is hard fought, and full of twists and turns.The fear of loss is the path to the Dark Side.~Yoda


I'm getting there, I'm getting there I just need to keep walking my path with an open heart.

People get into a heavy-duty sin and guilt trip, feeling that if things are going wrong, that means that they did something bad and they are being punished. That's not the idea at all. The idea of karma is that you continually get the teachings that you need to open your heart. To the degree that you didn't understand in the past how to stop protecting your soft spot, how to stop armoring your heart, you're given this gift of teachings in the form of your life, to give you everything you need to open further.~Pema Chodron
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


Top
Page 1 of 12 1 2 3 ... 11 12 >


Moderator:  dbmod, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004