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I was in the color guard for 2 years in high school, but never got to go to band camp. My first year we won the big regional competition at Giant's Stadium!
Just because you are legally divorced does not mean you D-O-N-E.
Really, it's a piece of paper. Some marriages are done with that piece of paper, some are not.
It doesn't mean because it is a legal dissolution of Marriage in May everything is over. You don't need to let it hang over your head.
I tell people I prefer not to get married again legally. They call me crazy because I am young. I would live with another man, wear a ring, have kids with him, but quite frankly, I don't need/want the paper. I had it the first time and my exH had no problem violating ever vow we took. So what's the difference? It's all about actions, not papers. Remember that. Not everything is concrete.
I tried living my life the opposite of this, what I thought was safe but you know what, I wasn't LIVING life, just going through the motions. Being vulnerable and subject to rejection is scary but so worth it.
ALL of this is intensified by the fact that, frankly, the clock is ticking and I don't have much time left.
Everyone here lives with that same issue, everyday. And in a larger sense everyone on earth does. I could stand up to get another cup of coffee and drop dead (happened to someone I know last week). Do I want to sit her and worry about it until it does happen.
Throw caution to the wind and be vulnerable, if you aren't, you aren't really living.
C - labug makes some good points.
Thanks labug...I needed to hear this after the morning I've had.
Me:34 H:38 SS:19 - lives in NC with his mom M:3 Bomb #1: 1/3/12 - We're not compatible. I want out. Bomb #2: 1/12/12 - Found out about EA/PA H moves out 10/2/12
So what happens if that does happen, and you go through the legal stuff....???
And that is when she changes her mind, after all of that....???
Does the sound of a Gavel make you not love her anymore ???
Life is about perspective, and how you deal with what it has thrown at you....
You can't live in fear of what is yet to come, or you will drive yourself insane....oh wait...^^^^^
You can only do the best you can, each day.
Sometimes things have to end, so that they can begin again...
I am not saying that this is a done deal, I'm just telling you that you should not try to predict future negativity.
I would be very interested in a story...
This one time, at Band camp....
Okay, maybe not one of those from you...or the Monkey...
Gabby, I hear ya , and I don't say a lot here because I know you got it covered...
what they all said^^^^.... except anything negative about me...
question #1--why does the legal date seem so "done" and final to you?
Aside from those dates changing a lot, it is still only a piece of paper.
Maybe it could be viewed not as the death of your relationship BUT as a symbol of the old marriage dying
and your courtship can continue to a new, better marriage. Just a thought...and as you may know, I do have 2 family members who divorced and later remarried. It happens. (Yes it was better the 2nd time around, no I don't think they planned on reconciling when they divorced, and years had passed before they reconciled, and all parties had changed/improved a lot.)
question #2- why'd you say "Optimism is the challenge"? I know YOU have trouble with it b/c you are negatively programmed with your marital perspective, partly b/c of the responsibility you feel for getting here. And partly b/c...I don't know...a trait of yours in other areas?? Somehow I doubt it. But how does it RISK MORE, to be happy or positive? It is a myth that people seem to believe that if they think negatively, they are somehow protected more or they are "just being realistic" but in my view they are just being negative. and spending years of their lives feeling less than happy...
Sometimes that negative attitude brings about the very result they dread.
Other times a good thing happens and they've wasted pieces of their precious lives being worried or depressed...for nothing. Geez, Life is short.
Being optimistic ought to be a goal of yours b/c
question #3 is
what are you bringing to the table if all you are now is a man revolving around what his wife does/says/thinks/MIGHT do/say or think?
And your mind reading, lately, is really peaking. As Gabbysmom said you can't say "I know" and then go do it again. Get that stuff under control...really.
It's smothering, it's counter productive at best, and you have to stop it.
So my final question echoes theirs...
question #4 what was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to or with you, (that you can admit)?
can you list 2 goals of yours, that have nothing to do with your wife or son?
Try...you'll be a lot more interesting...(and God knows that's OUR goal here...entertain us, bro)
m:51 H:55 M: 30 yrs S25,D23,D15 H goes ALASKAN, solo,2005 I file Sep 2/06 Piecing 7/07 Retrovaille Weekend 8/08 M Restored 8/08
Crim buddy....one of my goals is to hear you laugh your ass of at something completely wildly un-PC, and share some story of recent lunacy with friends. I have been talking to you for months about finding joy, living thru the heart, letting go with faith. Like attracts like, joy finds joy.
We all got our asses kicked. Seeing how people care here....people you never met. How can you not see the incredible world we live in? Love is truly everywhere, and so is laughter.
Crimbo...my W started MC and she had suggested it first and when the tough questions got asked...she quit and ran. You cant assign your reasoning to her sitch....you will drive yourself batty. BTW my W quit MC months ago yet she is still living with me..you cant know their mind
Look, most people her would kill to have your opportunity....everyone is rooting for you.
What are you doing this weekend? I demand you do something fun...hopefully something to impress me with your wildness. I might have to bring to my son's parties....we can relieve our college days!
You and others have been loudly beating the "calm the hell down" drum on my behalf and I appreciate it. When my mind is not on my w or sitch, I am actually pretty easy going with a good sense of humor. In fact, countless people at work have noticed that I am back to being "me" again after a long period of zombie-life. I guess I don't want everyone to picture that I am Eyore or something. I get bummed, freaked out - sad, but I eventually snap back. Luckily at a rate much faster than I was experiencing a few months ago.
No clue on the weekend. I have my son - so I was thinking about taking in a spring training game - would be a first for him. Not sure if he would last the whole time, but as long as dad has time for a beer in the sun - I will be just fine.
M: 38/W: 38 T:8 M:6 S: 1 Bomb: 9/10/11 W Files: 9/22/11 W Moves out: 11/10/11