Since DD he does things he never did before. -He engages more with the kids *He sees the kids at least twice a day and does it on a daily basis. *He comes over every morning and lately comes over earlier. *He will do things they enjoy. -He has more interactions with me *We talk (emotional intimacy). *He invites me to family outings. *We've spent a few weekends doing family activities. *He calls throughout the day to talk. (although he hasn't these past couple days). *He isn't on his cell as much. *Last nite he mentioned that I make him feel more relaxed because I don't bring up intense conversations anymore. *Less days when he's distant
Last nite he gave me an idea that he's still w OW and he will definitely be moving into an apt.
I can't sleep. Thoughts run through my mind as to what detachment means for me. I know that if I feel as though it's over, which I feel now, I no longer want to see him as much. No morning visits or Mon-Thurs visits. No contact during this time either.
Am I jumping the gun too soon?
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
No you are not jumping the gun too soon. I think at this stage you should set some boundaries. I'm sure you know that there is nothing you can do about the OW so I'm asking you to let that go that will run it's course. So you are having trouble sleeping? If you are not see a counselor for yourself I highly suggest that you do as it will help you tremendously. You may also benefit from taking anti-depressants they can really help keep your emotions in check and help to focus more clearly and help take your sadness away. I can tell from your posts that your thoughts and feelings are all over the place.
At this time there is no work for you to do on your R with your H. The work that needs to be done is on YOU. You cannot work on a R with someone who is either not ready to work on it or doesn't want to work on it. What detachment means is letting go of your H and the power he has over you and your R. It is a time for you to focus and YOU and becoming a better person. It is also a time for you to show your H that YOU will be fine without him in the picture because in reality whether you believe it or not you will be fine without him.
It's time for you to take action to make yourself feel better. What are you doing for your GAL activities?
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
Today it was al anon. Tomorrow I have IC and a separated/divorce support group I want to attend for the first time at church. Fri another al anon meeting and weekend plans are to do home improvement around the house. In between, care for our 2 lil ones and practice relaxation techniques.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
OMG I am feeling this today. My W has been crapping on me since we've been separated. I just told my brother I think I'm detaching because I have strong feelings of not wanting her back now. Which is very odd because 1 month ago I was a crying mess. Actually just a week ago. She invited me to a family party and I said yes for the kids but don't want to go. I think I'm detaching. She has been prancing around (40 year old women) with no rings on etc.. I think I just might be finally detaching
netmaster, I wish H was a total jerk to my face so that I can have more of a reason to write him off. Instead, I know he spends the night with OW and on the flip side acts like my "friend."
I don't have it in me yet to just give up. After reading the Love Language book I realized that aside from affirmation, his love language is also quality time. I have totally been neglecting him on this.
I need my inner strength to get me through this where I can show him I can love. Meanwhile, I need to continue GAL activities!! Most importantly, I need my higher power and to detach!!
It won't be much longer before I will slowly let him go so that I can move on.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
All is not lost. I need to put that on my bathroom mirror.
We had such a good talk right now. We've grown so much in these past 7 mos. But still no R talk. He only says, "who knows what the future holds for us.". This came up totally on his own. I didn't even bring up R talk.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
IC sessin today gave me interesting insight. She said, what if the positive changes he's made are only because we're separated. What if HE goes back to his old ways if we got back together. Also, do I want the person he is now in my life?
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
. Going to al anon at 10:30am n hopefully again tonite.