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#2237020 - 04/10/12 08:54 PM Re: "IF" [Re: Valeska19]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7796
Loc: Sonoran Desert
^^^I agree.
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2237095 - 04/11/12 08:44 AM Re: "IF" [Re: labug]
gunny Offline
Member

Registered: 08/22/11
Posts: 680
Loc: new jersey
Thanks all. Since I am now in the phase where the paperwork is starting to flow, I will be asking for advice on how I should proceed and how I should answer some of her emails, keeping in mind that she has been very cooperative and flexible throughout this whole ordeal. For instance, here is her response to my response of yesterday:

Hi Gunny,
Yes, I took Traveler back to the vet, and he is healing fine. She saw no signs of the ulcer in his eye when she put stain in it.

I'm sorry to have to keep asking, but yes, you said you would keep me informed. If you had told me that 1) you contacted the center and received preliminary paperwork and/or 2) sent it out yesterday, I would not have asked you today. Before I left, we discussed the timing of everything and I thought we agreed that we would file,(meaning me)at the beginning of 2012. That didnt happen due to various reasons, which I understand. I'm sorry this raises your blood pressure... it raises mine too. But as long as you keep me informed, I wont have to ask. And I do feel like I am being understanding of your situation. Believe me, I'm not trying to do anything other than move this process along in a timely manner.

I'll talk to you soon,
Wife

My first reaction to this was a bit of anger. She has been as i said understanding and flexible througout this ordeal, but she seems to have a difficult time understanding why I could be a little sensitive about the subject, esp since she deserted me. She decided to leave, would not go to counseling, decided to move out of state, took my dog(we both agreed on this), left all of her furniture that she could not fit in her car behind, left me to deal with our landlord who was we thought a friend of hers, left me to list and clean out our vacation home, left me to gather all the paperwork for taxes(which has always been my job), and is now thin skinned when I dont inform her of every little step in the D process, which is very painful for me to have to undertake.

Well, kind of just venting, I am frustrated, I am not trying to stand in her way, just asking for a little human understanding. Any advice from you sage wisepeople on how to respond to this, if at all? I was thinking of just saying :Hello W, I have sent you copies of the preliminary paperwork which did not requrie you to do anything. I will also be enclosing your bible which I found in Julieannes garage when I move our stuff out last week. I will continue to keep you informed as things move along, have a good day,
Gunny.

Any thoughts folks.

As always, thank you all for your time and interest, it really does help,
Gunny
_________________________
m 53
XW 47
m 12
t 14
bomb 6-11
s 10-11
wife moved to other state 10-21-11
d 9-12

O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!

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#2237106 - 04/11/12 09:31 AM Re: "IF" [Re: gunny]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7796
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Don't let it push your buttons.

Yes, I sense the anger and defensiveness in her response, almost like she's talking to a kid. I recognize it because I've sent similar emails I'm ashamed to say.

Drop that rope. Do what you need to do when you need to do it. I know you won't drag this out unnecessarily. If you get a similar email, just answer with the facts. "It was filed on Fri." or whatever.

She could have done this divorce in a couple of different ways. She chose to put the burden on you. She must deal with that.

(((g)))
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2237127 - 04/11/12 10:21 AM Re: "IF" [Re: labug]
jbnati Offline
Member

Registered: 02/26/11
Posts: 2742
Loc: Cincinnati
^^^ I agree.

Gunny, I didn't see where a response was required, so I wouldn't respond at all. Just my suggestion. Keep your responses to any inquiries all business and to the facts.

Hang in there, man.
_________________________
BITS
Me:46 / W:47 / M:19 / T:21 / S13
Bomb#1: 5/8/2008
MC: 5/2008 - 4/2010
Bomb#2: 2/10/2011
W moves out 5/7/2011

'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' - Matt. 19:26

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#2237180 - 04/11/12 12:12 PM Re: "IF" [Re: jbnati]
gunny Offline
Member

Registered: 08/22/11
Posts: 680
Loc: new jersey
Thanks you guys!
_________________________
m 53
XW 47
m 12
t 14
bomb 6-11
s 10-11
wife moved to other state 10-21-11
d 9-12

O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!

Top
#2237183 - 04/11/12 12:21 PM Re: "IF" [Re: gunny]
Valeska19 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/11
Posts: 1219
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
agree with LaBug completely.

If you have read my sitch, my W acts exactly the same way.

Do things at your own pace at what your heart can handle.

but keep yourself in check as well.

It's a fine line... but you're strong enough to walk it!

((( )))
_________________________
M(f): 31
XW: 33
M: 5
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.

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