So true, labug. Having expectations carries with it the risk of disappointment. When you can go with the flow and just play the hand you're dealt, you can feel a lot of freedom.

I really like this ^^^, Labug! Thanks for sharing!

Labug,

Mother issues...those are always hard.

Many of us have them. In fact there is a song, sung by Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson that speaks to my R with my own mom. It describes the feelings she instilled in my core. Ideas that I have always carried with me in the back of my mind.

Most of my life, I have done a wonderful job of keeping those things, her voice quiet. I learned at an early age that I didn't want her getting to me in that way. I became the "rebellious" one. I most often did exactly the opposite of what my mother told me, usually proving her wrong about the results.

When I received my bomb, one of the things I realized was that I hadn't done as good a job ignoring her as I thought. I married someone who was similar to her in ideals. I married someone I spent a lot of years trying to be good enough for, or better than that.

I went through a huge anger phase at myself. For what I allowed myself to experience and tolerate.

I learned that the only person I really had to be good enough for was me. I started making my choices from within without looking for others opinions or attitudes.

I had to learn to shut the voices off. They don't serve me, who I am, who I want to be. In order to do this, I had to know me, who and how I want to be.

The messages are still there. They still surface. I use them as reminders for the most part. Reminders to look within for MY answers.

Oh cat, you so get me.

I just kept running and then trying to make myself into the daughter she wanted and then going back to ask "Now am I good enough?"

She's been dead 2 years and I think I'm finally burying her.

My H was/is not like her at all. He saw her for what she was but couldn't understand the dynamics of our relationship at all. It drove him crazy.

This is a journey about finding ME.

Thanks for sharing with me.

Bug, you're awesome. I truly believe you are walking the toughest path of all, one on one, the real you and the universe.
Its very hard to stop and look at yourself from every angle. It's pretty scary, and to admit and know that you have become a product of your past. To break from that and move this to the next level is the noblest things anyone can do.

I was brought up on The Beatles too! We should all be on the cover of Sargeant Peppers "Lonely Hearts" club band!

My dad loved the beatles! I remember hanging out in the basement listening to them with him. My first concert was a beatle mania concert. Ah the memories.

Saw McCartney 2x! And, saw Dhani Harrison (son of George) which was awesome. Who was your favorite beatle?

Mine was George, followed by John

Paul, of course. I was going to marry him, But I was fickle and my heart soon moved on the Davy Jones, who just died.

I'm really depressed now.