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Many of us have them. In fact there is a song, sung by Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson that speaks to my R with my own mom. It describes the feelings she instilled in my core. Ideas that I have always carried with me in the back of my mind.
Most of my life, I have done a wonderful job of keeping those things, her voice quiet. I learned at an early age that I didn't want her getting to me in that way. I became the "rebellious" one. I most often did exactly the opposite of what my mother told me, usually proving her wrong about the results.
When I received my bomb, one of the things I realized was that I hadn't done as good a job ignoring her as I thought. I married someone who was similar to her in ideals. I married someone I spent a lot of years trying to be good enough for, or better than that.
I went through a huge anger phase at myself. For what I allowed myself to experience and tolerate.
I learned that the only person I really had to be good enough for was me. I started making my choices from within without looking for others opinions or attitudes.
I had to learn to shut the voices off. They don't serve me, who I am, who I want to be. In order to do this, I had to know me, who and how I want to be.
The messages are still there. They still surface. I use them as reminders for the most part. Reminders to look within for MY answers.
Bug, you're awesome. I truly believe you are walking the toughest path of all, one on one, the real you and the universe. Its very hard to stop and look at yourself from every angle. It's pretty scary, and to admit and know that you have become a product of your past. To break from that and move this to the next level is the noblest things anyone can do.
My mom raised me on the White Album! The Beatles just don't sound as good without all the dust and scratchy noises on the vinyl. Do you know what time John was shot? I do. My mom was in the delivery room with me 3 minutes after he was shot and they turned up all the radios to the news. She said she cried for his death while rejoicing my birth. You know that old saying: "for every death, theirs a new life", She liked to think that he was reincarnated in me... But I cant sing.
Didnt mean to go on a ramble, but I love Lennon and I really love that quote you shared you always have great thread names- that are always so fitting for the current mood of your sitch.
I was brought up on The Beatles too! We should all be on the cover of Sargeant Peppers "Lonely Hearts" club band!