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Yeah, Rick - I think I am over that little "spell". In her own unique and clear-as-a-bell way 25 extinguished that fire for me.

If I am being honest with myself, once I got married I think I didn't spend a lot of time with my friends. I've been trying to fix that lately and have done a reasonable job I think....still, could be better.

So w called this afternoon and said this was the worst weekend she thinks she has had with s. He is cranky, whining, throwing things - etc., to the surprise of no one, he turns 2 in a few weeks. I think that is what it driving it - that "transformation". My W said she felt like a bad parent. I told her I see how she could feel that way, but it's not her at all. Sad thing is, it is easier for BOTH of us to relieve one another under the same roof. Living apart, we're kinda stuck with no breaks when he starts to lose it. No matter - this phase will come and go. Just wish we were doing it as a one-home team. This way is a lot more difficult.

W came by to drop him off this evening. For the first time since she left in November she set foot in the house. Surely this has EVERYTHING to do with my parents being gone. She and her sister stayed mainly in the foyer area - the dog went nuts to see them both (w rescued him from a shelter - he knows it and is grateful) - he hasn't seen her since she left. I gave her some of the fresh rosemary she had planted in the backyard and a book we hd discussed (relax, not DR). She looked at the baby and said "mommy's heart hurts" and had to leave. I am guessing that the combo of being back in the house, seeing her dog again and saying good-bye to her baby was a lot to process emotionally at one time. Hell, it would be for me. I could see her eyes getting a little glassy. So off she went with her sister.

S was pretty cool being here with just me and the dog - though he DID ask for my parents - so I let him Skype with them briefly. We read a few books and he was out cold.

All in all a good weekend.....hung with friends....coffee...beer...dinner with w and s....Indiana demolished Purdue......the weather hit the 80's......w set foot in the house. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Crimson

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Nice!

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"All in all a good weekend.....hung with friends........coffee...beer...dinner with w and s....Indiana demolished Purdue......the weather hit the 80's......w set foot in the house. Not bad. Not bad at all."

Copy and post this ^^^^ in a conspicuous place as a reminder of your progress.


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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Sometimes Crimson....its better to live as if your only responsibility in life is to generate happiness, for you and for others. Like attracts like so joy attracts joy. The mind is a great tool but its also the great deceiver. I'm not saying there's no use for your obvious intelligence, however the mind also works in the shallow ego related parts of our lives and lives by fear of hurt and fear of what the future might hold. Alone, it has no room for the eternal soul. Learn to live through the heart, and don't let your mind run your soul. It can and happens to most everybody.

Think about your son. You used to value him and acted towards him being controlled by your mind. Where did it get you and him? Now you live for him through your heart and soul and look where you and him are!

The mind is great for doing shittt like interpreting tax code or something, but it's only a tool, like our eyes or feet or something.

Your so close! You have expressed so much to your W who is listening and seeing you finally. Let all of this, all of these lessons come together at once. You will find joy and that's where we are closest to the divine.

Peace...now go out there and have a good time!

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BTW Crimson...I need this lesson too so I'll be doing the same...let's compare notes as we go....

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Great insights, Rick. Truthfully, excessive analysis and the subsequent fear and worry that it causes has always been an obstacle in my life. Fuethermore - living to love is a very "green" concept for me - trying to get that one figured out still.

I hope you are right about me being "close". Somedays I feel like it and others I feel like all is damn near lost. Somewhere between those two extremes is my my excessively analytical mind at all times. Looking in the rearview, I can see where that has been tremendously limiting for my growth and my relationship with my w and s.

I told her in iur last MC that the Crimson she knew 6 months to a year ago is not the same one that exists now.....I am hoping that at some point that message hits home. Time.....just time.

Crimson

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Originally Posted By: Crimson
Great insights, Rick. Truthfully, excessive analysis and the subsequent fear and worry that it causes has always been an obstacle in my life. Fuethermore - living to love is a very "green" concept for me - trying to get that one figured out still.

I hope you are right about me being "close". Somedays I feel like it and others I feel like all is damn near lost. Somewhere between those two extremes is my my excessively analytical mind at all times. Looking in the rearview, I can see where that has been tremendously limiting for my growth and my relationship with my w and s.

I told her in iur last MC that the Crimson she knew 6 months to a year ago is not the same one that exists now.....I am hoping that at some point that message hits home. Time.....just time.

Crimson


Yeah man you can do this. If you can do so much this past year with just the mind and its limitations (remember that's not an insult at all to your intelligence) then think about how your life in your R and new M will be on a higer plane than ever before. Once you and the universe walk in step together, then there will be no limits to your life. Think of how your son's life will be if has your native intelligence and a knowledge of how to "live". Think of where he can go and what you will have given the world.

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Probably not a MAJOR issue - but who knows. Insights appreciated.

So as I mentioned a few posts ago, W was having a rough, stressful weekend with out S. Again, he is almost two and has hit that magical age where they are just kind of high maintenance, cranky and testing limits....big time. I could tell when we hung out a little bit that it really had her wiped out.

So I have him now and had him Sunday night and yesterday. I sent her a quick text yesterday to see how she was feeling and she said it was a tough day at work and that she was exhausted and needed time to regroup. She went to bed early and was too tired to talk to the baby.

This morning she texts me and says that she is staying home from work - that the stress has gotten to her. I asked if there was anything I could do to help - she said no, that she just needed rest. If it comes to the point where she is missing work due to exhaustion - I get a little worried. She is STILL majorly under-weight right now, working a new job, living on her own and trying to navigate this D or R as best she can.

I always wonder if she is eating enough, etc. - I don't think the pace of all of these activities is sustainable for her over the long haul. Is the best thing I can do right now "nothing"? I don't have any plans to ride in on a white horse and save the day - just hate to see her suffering and unable to deal with it.

It's hard to balance genuine care and concern against keep the appropriate amount of distance. I don't want her to get any worse. For now, I will just respect her and let her rest. Thoughts?

Crimson

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I have dealt with this recently as well and I think you can periodically check in and ask her if their is anything you can do to help but if she says no you need to respect that and just be there for her if she changes her mind.


Me- 34 W-33
S15 S10 S6
Married- 11 Together- 18
Bomb- 6-2011
WAW moves out- 8-2011

"Nothing in the Universe can stop you from letting go and starting over at anytime"- Guy Finley
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Let her rest. You have S. That is doing something.

Sure, you would like to do "something" to make her feel better. Doing nothing is that something.

Concern is good. Leave it at that.


Me-33
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ILYBNILWY-1/15/12 7 year itch?
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