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Those good times are what motivates you to do better.

Those good times are eventually the thing that will allow her to reconsider her decision...

You have changed...

She hasn't................yet

Enjoy the good times 10

Weren't you on here a couple months ago bitchin about how bad things were when you were together ???

Small measurable goals-----you wanted to be different

Hows that workin for ya ???

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Thanks, ces. As far as MC goes, I'm letting her drive that train. When she's ready to go, I certainly won't be putting up any resistance or questioning it. The unanimous advice I've been getting from everywhere is to put no pressure on her about it. I have no love for this limbo I'm in, but there's a strange safety that's come with it, like sticking your head in the sand. lol

I just have to remind myself that my pastor says he's the best he's worked with ("second best" went on to open up multiple offices around the country, apparently), so if there's going to be a shot, this is the best option available to me.

Not detaching too well today, I guess.

Sorry to hear your mom has it, too. I've heard that it is very treatable, but right now we're stuck in that diagnostic limbo. Doesn't help that every time I've seen him lately, he looks a little bit worse. frown


Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?
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Mach! Good to see you!

Believe me, I have been enjoying the good times. It's nice to be able to share a smile and have no hidden meanings for either one of us. That stuff does help through the "worse" times.

I find myself meeting those small goals only after I go back and reflect on our interactions. Really little things, like her picking up toys in my room, plating and bringing me dinner, etc.

I catch myself still complaining in my head about how things have been going, but then realize that I'm upset because it isn't more than what it is. I follow that by giving myself a 2x4 for being ungrateful. You make a good point, though... our day-to-day and week-to-week interactions have significantly improved. It's a great benchmark that I keep forgetting about.

I spent my birthday focusing on myself, with new clothes, and allowing the schedule of my day to unfold and do things as I saw fit. I haven't had a day like that in -what, months, years? It felt nice, and W certainly seemed to take note, particularly with the new outfits. What was important was how good I felt about myself.

Now I'm wondering if I've been suppressing some desire to have new stylish clothes all the time! lol


Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?
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Time for a bit of an update:

Things have been going pretty well the last couple of weeks. My new clothes and better attention to hygiene was a pretty big 180 for me, apparently. I added to that momentum by getting some veneers for my teeth. I can smile now without being afraid of people seeing inside my mouth. That's a pretty nice feeling!

W has certainly noticed these changes, and has complimented my clothes or how I dressed a number of times. She laughed at first when she saw my veneers, but as time has gone on, she's made more comments about how natural they're looking and that I have a nice smile.

There seems to be less hesitation from her for us when it comes to being in each other's personal space. Be it in the kitchen, on the couch, at church... no efforts are being made to take it further, but there's no recoiling going on, either.

She mentioned the other night that MIL was relieved that we were friends again. This was news to me, I didn't know she felt that way, though that's certainly what I've been working towards. Gotta start somewhere.

She's been making me cook a bit more often with the excuse of "you need to be able to cook for S". Of course, I don't disagree! Learning to cook is another 180 for me, and will be beneficial on down the line, regardless of what happens. Crab cakes, salmon patties, blackened chicken... kinda nice knowing how to make these things now. She complimented my efforts (everything I've made so far has turned out pretty good).

Talk about seeing the C that our pastor recommended keeps coming up. She's ready to make an appointment, and I told her that we should. MIL is also all for this, saying that of all the counselors she ever saw, she didn't get any real help for herself and her issues until she'd seen one for MC. Not really sure what to make of that statement, because MIL and FIL went to several MCs and still got divorced (apparently, FIL realized he wasn't going to stop cheating on her).

The above stemmed from a conversation about depression. W has been talking about getting on adderol again (she was on it as a teenager for ADHD) because she can't focus on anything, even the things she enjoys. Add to this that she always seems tired and is in a generally despondent mood about half the time... I told her I was only going to mention this once, but that I thought she should talk to the doctor about possible depression, pointing out the overlap between what she said were her ADHD symptoms and what's generally accepted as depression symptoms. She bristled at that a little bit, but seemed to calm down a bit when I told her that I just didn't want to see her suffer. She admitted that depression likely was playing a big role in everything right now, but seemed content to wait to see the C to address that. I told her that she needed to for S's sake, and the sake of the people that love her. In all, it was a conversation that could have gone much worse... and I've kept my word so far about not bringing it back up.

The issue about cell phones seems to have been finally laid to rest. She was just about adamant on us signing a contract so we could get new phones. I never actually said I didn't want to do that, but noticed that most of her complaints stemmed from a broken android phone she bought while we were separated. I took the phone with her permission for a couple of days while I worked on it. It took a while to figure out what was wrong, fix that, then figure out what it was that I broke, and fix that. In the end, the phone seemed to be working just fine for a few days, and W said she was pretty happy with the phones the way it was. At least I was able to avoid what could have been a tense conversation.

A few days later, though, the problems began again. W has no luck with electronics, it seems. Since I'd filed our taxes, we could afford to get a replacement for her. I found a brand new version of the phone she bought (used) for the same price that she paid for it. I also got her an otterbox case, since she tends to be a bit of a butterfingers.

She randomly talks about things she'd like to do around the house, hanging certain decorations, getting cushions for the patio furniture (which belongs to my family and would definitely be going with me in a D). It's not quite talking about a future together, but it seems like the fight or flight aspect of our sitch is on hiatus.

We occasionally flirt a bit now... it's kind of like the high-school 'do mean things to the person you have a crush on' kind of flirting, but it's recognizable flirting.

The other morning, W woke up before me (rare, I have to be at work at 6a, she usually doesn't have to until 10a) and greeted me with a bright "good morning" and startled me pretty good. We talked briefly while I finished getting ready to leave, and as I was going to leave, she gave me a hug. A one-armed hug, but a hug nonetheless. It was the first no occasion hug since well before the separation began. It's only happened the one time, but it was kinda nice.

The problem with going so long in between posts is knowing that I'll likely remember other things later. I'm sure I'll be back as I remember stuff.


Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,030
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Good stuff TEN, glad you're feeling good and glad to hear she's still open to C. Hope it gets scheduled for you all soon.


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
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How many days sober Punk ????

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Lemme do some quick math... 44 days, give or take a day. Last drink was VD. It's funny, I barely even think about it now!


Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?
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Congrats bro!!!!!!!!! keep up the good work


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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Good job ten - way proud of you!


Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.
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Thanks, guys! It's strange seeing how much drinking was affecting my thought process. I definitely feel a bit more grounded now.

There's finally some truly good news to report: I talked to my dad yesterday! He's been on a ventilator for almost the last 2 months, and unable to speak (naturally). He sounds about 30 years older, but I think that's to be expected. I was so happy to finally be able to talk to him... been by his side so many times and just unsure if he was even in there... so glad to see that he is! Now to just get him home.

So God has worked one miracle into my life... hopefully I can petition for another!


Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?
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