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Quote:
Point taken, and I really try not to bring it up, but it's things like when I took S to the doctor last, W expected me to feed him when I got home, when I'd already accepted her request to take him to the doc for her, or not wanting to change a diaper as soon as I get home from a 12 hour day. It's at these points that she starts accusing me of being a bad father,


Do you call this being a good father? Why is it you see you taking your S, (he is 'yours,' right?) to the doctor something you do for her? When was the last time you said, 'W, S seems a little sick and has a fever. I think I'll make a doctor appt.' or 'I think it's about time for S's check-up, let me call and make that appt at a time that works for me so I can take him.' Oh and she expected you to feed him!

About the few minutes to yourself on getting home from work. Have you ever told her that? 'W, I'd love to take over for you when I get home from work but could I take 10 minutes to change clothes (whatever as long as it doesn't include cracking a Bud).


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Originally Posted By: tenbusrider
I'm not sure how I see this working out. It's clear that in order for us to discuss anything that's happened in the past, we need a neutral third party around. She doesn't believe anything I say, and then she says things happened that I don't remember happening - like signing the separation agreement we had. She says she told me she didn't want to, but I just don't remember that, but I remember that I did I tell her to tell me what she wanted to change in it before we did anything. If she'd said she didn't want to sign it, I wouldn't have said anything more. She also says she did ask me before she moved back in, but this was at a point when we were only texting each other and not talking on the phone. I went back and checked through the history, and could find no question asked at any point, only that she was going to move back in.

I accept and own that I've been manipulative - both overtly and unconsciously. But what can I do about that? I've tried to be honest with her and transparent with her, but when she doesn't believe me, what can I do? For the sake of avoiding arguing and furthering that perception of me, I just don't talk to her unless it's about family things or something otherwise important. Other than that, I just try to keep the place clean.

I accept and own that I've been negative when I should have been supportive, but perception of negativity is subjective with her. If I'm not able to read her mind to know how she's going to react when I do or say something in response to her, anything I say can be turned on me in a second. Again, all I can do is validate, try to be positive and encouraging, but for the most part, just trying to avoid her when she's already in a funk. This is when it's the worst.

I know that most of the problems in our M are from a cycle of interaction. I know that if I can only change how I act and behave, the cycle HAS to change, but every attempt I make, despite my best efforts, are met with not only disbelief, but attempts on her part to drag me back into the cycle.

I told her last night, when her anger about that text came up again, that I didn't want would like to, not talk anymore without someone else around, that I wanted the cycle to end. She agreed, and that was the end of it. It's one of the few moments I've had in the last couple of weeks where I was able to actually change the flow of events.



Originally Posted By: 10

I really feel that there's someone stirring the pot every time the drama dies down. I think I know who it is. But there's nothing I can do about that.



I think so too......

and I think it is....


Click to reveal..
you




Imagine how much less your typing finger would hurt if you could stop defending yourself so much, and drop the victim role.....

/\ /\ /\ /\

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Originally Posted By: Labug
(whatever as long as it doesn't include cracking a Bud).


Scotch?


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
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Mach, love the secret button!

TG, I think he has enough problems. Maybe he should just sit and read the Big Book for 10 minutes.

Ten, I think the fact that you keep coming back here shows you are trying.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Originally Posted By: Mach
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
Originally Posted By: Labug
(whatever as long as it doesn't include cracking a Bud).


Scotch?


I wouldn't recommend the crack you are smoking either...

My Rainbow Skittle eatin, Fluffy bunny Cowboy....

: )


OHH....Look at the pretty boxes ^^^^

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Originally Posted By: labug
Mach, love the secret button!


Click to reveal..
Thanks

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Originally Posted By: Mach1

Imagine how much less your typing finger would hurt if you could stop defending yourself so much, and drop the victim role.....


labug asked me what I was doing about it, so I was trying to provide context and explain what I was doing.

I shouldn't try to explain myself? What do I do in counseling? Is validating all I can do? What about when she says something that just isn't true?


Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?
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Originally Posted By: labug

Ten, I think the fact that you keep coming back here shows you are trying.


That's really all I can do. I've got problems. Thanks to you and Mach for challenging me to see past my own crap. smile


Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?
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Originally Posted By: tenbusrider
What about when she says something that just isn't true?


True to who ???

Your version ?

Her version ?

Or in the middle, where the truth lies ???

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Originally Posted By: Truegritter

Scotch?


More of Miller man. Miller time was when I got home. Bleh.


Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?
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