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A Message from Michele
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#2227847 - 03/05/12 11:36 PM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
2thepoint Offline

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1711
Originally Posted By: Grmpy_Mnky
What?? Friggin harsh 2tp! This will test even the hardiest DBer. Is she looking to get a rise out of you?

It depends on how she looks after the procedure, I suppose.

Ack! Did I just say that? blush
Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

#2227849 - 03/05/12 11:39 PM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: BFloat]
labug Offline

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9676
Loc: Sonoran Desert
GM-really? blush

2, I have no words.
Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss

#2227850 - 03/05/12 11:40 PM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: labug]
labug Offline

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9676
Loc: Sonoran Desert
And good luck finding someone to put her to sleep if her heart is that damaged.
Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss

#2227852 - 03/05/12 11:43 PM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: labug]
Rick1963 Offline

Registered: 08/11/11
Posts: 2900
Loc: Piney Land
No kidding? Had she always complained about their size?
M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden

#2227853 - 03/05/12 11:43 PM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: labug]
tenbusrider Offline

Registered: 01/20/12
Posts: 156
Bug - no kidding, most surgeons won't even look at you for elective stuff if you've had heart problems.
Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?

#2227867 - 03/06/12 12:30 AM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: tenbusrider]
purgatory Offline

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
I wanted to get that same surgery.... But I'm not allowed b/c of my heart issues.... Dont let her run to Mexico to find a doc who will do it!

It does seem random unless she's ever mentioned it before. If this is the first time- it seems to be following the irratic behavior patterns that the WAS go through.... Is she looking for a confidence boost? Maybe a new haircut would be less dramatic (and cheaper!)

There's a joke somewhere in here... Involving 'a weight being lifted' from her shoulders and the connection to leaving the M..... Rick? GM?

I'm sure it wasn't a complete shock that she wanted to do something different with her bonus (considering she hasn't done *anything* in the same way) but I bet you couldn't have ever guessed it would be *this*!!!

I hope busto finds your thread soon smile
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

#2227895 - 03/06/12 01:46 AM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: purgatory]
ces67 Offline

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 1030
Could be a mid-life self-worth thing too. My W has looked at all kinds of cosmetic stuff lately, vericose vein removeal, teeth whitening, lots of weight/loss fitness stuff, wearing much tighter clothes than she ever did. And that's just the stuff I know about....

Definitely not the wisest use of money. Has she ever spent much money on herself before? This could be more of the "time for me" attitude to the nth degree.
Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms

#2227911 - 03/06/12 02:15 AM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: 2thepoint]
Valeska19 Offline

Registered: 05/28/11
Posts: 1251
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
Originally Posted By: 2thepoint
I love her dearly, but my WAS has gone completely off the deep end with this! She is in the process of recovering from a very close brush with death that occurred less than 1 month ago. She faces the remote possibility of needing a heart transplant and here she is planning to get a breast reduction procedure that I am sure come with its own set of potential health complications.

Honestly 2... her actions or should I say... reactions.... make perfect sense to me.

You hear it and see it in movies all the time...

.... someone is about to die or dying and has all these regrets.. all of these wishes...and all they want is another chance.

This is your w.

She almost died.

And IF she needs a transplant... she must know that finding a matching heart is hard... and even if she does, the body has to accept it.

Seriously.. If that was me... I'd be super scared.

And who knows what I would do exactly... but I do know that I would do some drastic things.

I know that because although I did come close to death, I do feel alive for the first time in awhile and so I'm doing things that I never thought I would do or things that my wife wouldn't allow me to do.

I'm debating about going sky diving. Some people would think that's awesome....

..others would think that is just as insane as getting a boob job.

Everyone is entitled to their opinions.. but it doesn't mean their opinion is my truth.

Seeing where I'm going with this?

Also, I think if this "brush with death" experience made your w run to your marriage... you wouldn't see her as crazy. You wouldn't think that particular "want" as typical WAS behavior.

But she hasn't.. at least not yet...

... instead she wants something that doesn't benefit you or your m.. and is something you can't quite put your head around....

..... so you mind read and assume she's crazy or acting like a WAS.

Stop it!

1) You know mindreading is pointless.

2) You are assuming things because you don't understand why you w is acting that way.. so you are trying to add some kind of rationalization to something that seems irrational to you.

But you can't understand her.. because it wasn't you that almost died.

That is not to down play how hard this is for you.. only to say that there is no way you can understand your w's perspective.

The only thing you can do is accept that her perspective is different.

I guess my point is just becareful with turning your thoughts.. into her reasons.

Make sense?
M(f): 31
XW: 33
M: 5
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.

#2227943 - 03/06/12 03:13 AM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: Valeska19]
bustorama Offline

Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 519
reading I will post real reply later. all I will say right now is valeska is wise and don't try to reason or talk ur W out of anything. let the doctors address her health issues. much more later
D10, D6, D3
T-Since 12/2001
She Moved Out-5/28/2010
Piecing begins-04/2011
Now-back together
My Thread

#2227958 - 03/06/12 04:12 AM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: bustorama]
BklynMom Offline

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1987
Sometimes I look at these wacky things as positives. Just another sign of how weird they are now. They can not remain this nuts forever,... right??
M 39
H 35
M 4
T 9
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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