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#2227677 - 03/05/12 11:57 AM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: mimivac]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
I need to find an anxiety specialist badly . Some of these IC are really terrible

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#2227679 - 03/05/12 12:04 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: ThisDayForward]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Ok I have an appointment at 9 am with counselor for anxiety and control issues. It is a Tai chi center.

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#2227683 - 03/05/12 12:13 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: ThisDayForward]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
M1 admitting I have a problem?? I am a FN control freak. I snoop. I try to fix things by passing blame. I do excessive phone calls. I call her mother. I destroyed my marriage with these issues. I know I have a problem. A big problem. A huge problem. It is to bad my marriage had to dissolve for me to address the problem. Now all I can do is be the best co-parent and father their is. I'm hoping this anxiety counselor will help me work through this transition.

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#2227698 - 03/05/12 01:01 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: ThisDayForward]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
M1 you keep saying this "Net, this is why I told you that I didn't think you were ready for what you had to do."

Like did you know it was heading to D? What do you mean by that. You're not going to believe me if I tell you this. I have many moments of at ease with it. I know it hasn't kicked in yet. But I'm out of limbo land

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#2227702 - 03/05/12 01:07 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: ThisDayForward]
tenbusrider Offline
Member

Registered: 01/20/12
Posts: 156
Hey Net,

Will you be taking tai chi with that counselor? I did Tai Chi for the first couple of months of my sitch, and it was a huge help for at least temporary relief from the roller coaster. If you aren't currently consider it, you might want to think about it.

Mach is trying to provoke you to thought - the reason being, when you figure things out for yourself instead of having it spelled out for you, it's much more likely to stick. Remember the saying about giving a man a fish and teaching a man to fish? Mach is in that business.
_________________________
Me: 31
W: 28
M: almost 6
T: 10.5
S2
Bomb#1: 05/11
Bomb#2: 11/11
S'd: 11/28/11
Moved back in: 12/28/11
MC: 06/28/12

...what is it about the 28th day of the month?

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#2227713 - 03/05/12 01:37 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: tenbusrider]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Well in the end I have to respect her feelings and her decision. I will let her know today that I respect her feelings and the decision and that everything will be ok. We will do everything in the best interest in the kids and try not to worry.

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#2227715 - 03/05/12 01:39 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: ThisDayForward]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
On a positive note.

Day 3 of the gym and I feel better after.
Counseling on Wednesday.
Extra overnight with kids tonight.
60 degrees on Thursday

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#2227718 - 03/05/12 01:44 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: ThisDayForward]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
Grmp Monkey I came to save my marriage. So far I failed miserably. She is in process of contacting a mediator for us to sit down with and talk with. Not sure I can stop that one. My wife makes up her mind it is made up. Believe me. So only thing I can really do now is take care of myself and kids

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#2227729 - 03/05/12 02:02 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: ThisDayForward]
cat04 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/31/09
Posts: 2225
Originally Posted By: netmaster
Well in the end I have to respect her feelings and her decision. I will let her know today that I respect her feelings and the decision and that everything will be ok. We will do everything in the best interest in the kids and try not to worry.


Why do you have to let her know this?

THAT is the first thing you need to stop. All of this constant communication...

You remind me of a child looking for permission to have thoughts and feelings...

Right now, slow down, talk about the kids only...

You really are missing the point here.

Running in circles, letting fear rule you, using it as an excuse to talk to her or not talk to her or jump up and down...

If you want to put your S on the bus, then do it.

THAT has nothing to do with your W.

If you don't, then don't.

Until you take your focus off of her, off of the M, it isn't going to matter what you do, how many counselors you go to, how many medications you take, you are going to continue to be a mess.

Net, the bottom line...

At this point in time, your old M is over.

There is nothing you can do about it.

However, the possibility of having a new M (with your W) really does exist if you can get a grip.

If you can't, honey, the next R you are in is going to be just as much of a mess as this one, because of the common denominator, YOU.

No one here and no counselor should be telling you "do this" "do that" like a puppet master.

There is no magic pill that is going to make this all better.

What will make it better...

Time, perseverence, patience, peace, self respect and mutual respect, healing, forgivness, unconditional love, changes...

PATIENCE. TIME. FORGIVNESS.

Slow down, realize that this didn't happen overnight and it won't be fixed overnight.

It is your choice, do what needs to be done, or keep spinning and living in anger and fear.

No one can make that choice EXCEPT you and NO ONE, not even your W, can be to blame for the choice that you make.

So what will it be?
_________________________

"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox

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#2227756 - 03/05/12 03:04 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: cat04]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3692
You are not getting this Net....

Saving yourself...gives you the best shot at saving your marriage.


Stop being the person she wants to run from...

And start being the person she wants to run toward...

You are your own worst enemy right now, and you can't see that.

You keep ringing bells that can't be un-rung, and asking questions that you don't want to hear the answer to.( or ready to hear the answer to )


You keep thinking that you have to respond to every little thing.

Stop reacting to her.....

Until you can start to dig out if this hole you have dug for yourself, you are going to have some hard days.

Did I know it was heading to Divorce ????

No

I have no more insight to whats in your spouses mind than you do right now....

I can tell you that if you were to honestly read back through your threads, you would want to run from who you have become too...

And I can tell you where you are headed if you don't stop putting the pressure on her.

You don't want this Divorce, then fine....stop working toward it.

Holy smokes, you find out that she wants a divorce, and you even try to fix THAT for her....



I don't think it matters if you do Tai Chi, or Chai Tea....until you are ready to do something about things, you will still live status quo.

I like the list you made above, and while I'm sure that you acted that way, I am also sure that you can only own about half of the actions that caused you to act that way...

One key thing to remember is...that you have to go easy on yourself, and you have to forgive. Not for her, but for yourself. That also includes forgiving the hardest person in the world to forgive.....yourself.

The important question now is...

What are you prepared to do about it ???

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