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#2227414 - 03/04/12 07:23 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
What do I do about kids visitation. Offer to meet in person
to discuss over tea

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#2227415 - 03/04/12 07:28 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: ThisDayForward]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
First of all, jump off that wheel and don't stress out about it. You can try maybe a different approach than what you've tried in the past, especially if that approach has failed. For example, if you try to talk and you get overly anxious, then change the medium, (i.e. send an email, a text, a letter, etc).

Maybe pull your thoughts together and share with us and we'll try to help you fine tune your message. The point is is that it doesn't have to happen right this minute. Step back and breathe and put your thoughts together and we'll help you out.
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

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#2227430 - 03/04/12 08:19 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: 2thepoint]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
We come to every other Monday to start. We used txt to resolve. I just fear fighting for more time with kids will push her closer to D. Her heart is not softening. I tried calling and she said txt only so that is what we did . She thinks I'm being difficult but a. 50/50 split is so straight forward

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#2227435 - 03/04/12 08:36 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: ThisDayForward]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
I know a mistake I made. I should have never called home first. Man I waited 45 minutes to reply. Collected my head. Didn't go as planned. Finished ok. But calling home is old behavior. She just wanted a simple yes or no answer to every other weekend. I didn't feel like it was a simple yes or no answer. This is what I'm talking about being a doormat or fearing her because of the control she has over me right now. Taking rings off and hanging D over my head so I have to bow down to everything she asks of. So I replied back and said no I would like every Monday night for kids sake. They cry leaving here and want to be here. End result. We decided every other Monday night to start and see how it goes.

I was hoping to go a full day with no contact from her. She sent this while I was at gym. It was kids related and tomorrow is Monday so I felt the need to try to resolve.

Man hindsight is 20/20

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#2227442 - 03/04/12 09:24 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: ThisDayForward]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
I started reading the success story that 2thepoint posted. It seems him and his wife had alot more dialogue then me and my wife have. My questions is this. I feel like I want to talk to my wife about things. Not necessarily pursue her. But tell her things like "I realize we can't go back to that marriage as is" and I understand you want to be friends right now but that isn't my long term objective with you.

The reason I have these thoughts is things were going so much better with me and the W when we had flexibility and were communicating better.

I mean is it ok to talk to her about these things. Is that pursuing. I hate that we just sit in silence and don't talk at all.

Do you get me?

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#2227443 - 03/04/12 09:29 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: ThisDayForward]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9090
Loc: Sonoran Desert
We get you, NO!
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2227445 - 03/04/12 09:31 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: labug]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
LA, can you elaborate on the NO

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#2227446 - 03/04/12 09:33 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: ThisDayForward]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 9090
Loc: Sonoran Desert
It's pursuit.
_________________________
Me 57/H 58
M36 S24 S21
Bomb 3/11 Sep 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 Reconciling

"We can make ourselves miserable, or we can make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same"~Carlos Castenada

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#2227448 - 03/04/12 09:38 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: labug]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
I'm going crazy today. Being honest. Gym. Church. No kids. Sundays are to long to fill

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#2227449 - 03/04/12 09:42 PM Re: Recently Seperated Part III [Re: ThisDayForward]
ThisDayForward Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/12
Posts: 2124
How do I communicate to my W that I actually do understand how it feels to be controlled. That I'm sorry Ive done that to her

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