Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 803
B
BFloat Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 803
time for a new thread!

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2205555#Post2205555

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2214359#Post2214359

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2218579#Post2218579

nothing really new to report so far. M is still in the same place but i think i've changed.

thanks again to everyone who follows my story. i appreciate all the feedback and support because i really wouldn't have made it here w/out the that. i have learned so much about myself and i know there is still so much more to discover. scary.. but i'm glad you're all here with me!!

much love! xoxo


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 803
B
BFloat Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 803
My bff is here! Spent the evening filling her in on the current status of my R. She's worried about me but knows where I stand (even if she might not agree).

Then spent the rest of the night eating carrot sticks, doritos and chocolates for dinner. Ugh. And now i feel sick! My clothes better fit tomorrow.

Will be so happy to see kiddies tomorrow. There's just something about being back in my own space that's comforting.. No matter how s*cky the situation may be. Just knowing I'm home w/ kids under the same roof.. Makes me feel more secure and more at ease. Am a little nervous to see H though. Still wondering about the going ons of Friday.

Back to work tues night. frown. But at least I will be home.

I've been wondering if H has noticed any changes to our dynamic or how I look etc. It always seems like he doesn't really see me. Which is sad because I know other people notice me. Oh well. What can you do?


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 847
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 847
Originally Posted By: barely floating
to get back to the question of dating.. although it would be really nice to have the excitement of dating, i'm completely not ready. what if he turns out to be a great guy and things do turn around with H? maybe i choose new person which i may regret later in life that i should have given M a better chance. or what if i decide to be w/ H.. how unfair to potentially start something up w/ new person only to tell them.. sorry.. i'm going back to H. and do i spend my life thinking of the what ifs?

i am not prepared to be faced w/ either of these possible choices. because in the end, i am still M. and H is the father of my children. and i love my children.. and also H. i am not "done" yet. there may come a day.. but today is not it.


BF - I think, just like you do, that you are probably not ready to date; or at least it sounds like it. The fact that you are pondering all these questions and scenarios tells me that it's just too soon. I think that if and when you are ready, you will know it in your heart.

Right now for me, the mere thought of dating someone other than my H seems like just a really bad idea. And I don't even have a rationalized answer, it's just an emotional reaction.

Anyways, I am glad you are with your BFF. I love having that comfort, support and fun! Keep enjoying your weekend!


Me & H: 44
D7, D6, S3
Together: 20y, M: 17y
EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10
EA becomes PA: Spring 2011
H filed for D: 09/06/12
D Negotiating began 2/15
OW seemingly gone on 3/15
Still negotiating D






Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,030
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,030
Hey BF, hope you're doing OK this morning.

FWIW, on the dating topic, if you're not ready, I wouldn't worry about it. Also, in my various research online I saw several lawyer's websites who recommended not dating as long as the marriage is still in place. There's probably some legal ramifications to this if it ever gets to a D.

The most important thing is how you feel and what your goals are. I just found that information interesting during one of my lower points.

Take care,


Me:45, W:45
S:16 D:13
M:22, T:25
Bomb: July 2010
Putting finances in order for "D"
Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 825
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 825
So happy your BFF is here!! That dinner sounds gourmet to me smile I on e had dinner that consisted of mini marshmallows and peanut butter.

I can relate to being comforted by being in your own space... Even if there are reminders of my sitch in almost every room of the house.

Enjoy the day with BFF and your babies!!


M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,119
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,119
Barely...just caught up on your threads. I can certainly relate to your thoughts about dating again or not. Be careful! It can be so tempting to want to enjoy the spark of being with someone who has an interest in you and you to them. It just plain suxx to know how much romance is out there in the world and we're not part of it.

I think all of your reservations make sense and if you have all these questions then you probably aren't ready to get back out there. I saying this from experience. My closest female friend, who I've known since she was nine made it pretty clear that she wants to take the next step with me. And don't think I didn't crave the thrill of being happy with a female again, and all the excitement that goes along with it. Really just the simple pleasures of female company ...miss it.

The people on this blog who are further down the road than us advise that we will know when the day comes that we will be ready to move on in life and dating too. That's one reason I have decided to move on with my own life, and expect to make some sort of decision about my M soon enough. I don't think we are meant to be alone forever after our S's took off.

I really wish you the best. You're such a good woman. If it means anything I felt such guilt about thinking about dating again and it's really only natural to question these things. Don't beat yourself up!

Barely, you're an amazing and beautiful woman. If your H is stupid enough to leave you, then its probably means there's a better match for you. At some point you're going to know its time to take care of your life and be open to a new path. Then again, maybe this will all work out with your H!

Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 803
B
BFloat Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 803
i am in agreement w/ everyone here. not ready to date! i am not "done" w/ my M and really, just don't need the extra complications. and if things were to work out w/ H, would i be able to forgive myself if i had started a new R? i don't know so it's just better not to go there.

rick - you're right! i don't think we're meant to be alone forever smile right now, it feels ok. but i am amazing and beautiful dammit! and incredibly modest and humble too right wink?

i had a teary moment today. asked H what he was going to do w/ his mom's night tables that were in the back of the car (she had left them when she moved to WI). he said he would eventually use them. made me teary that he has thought through that far. but i didn't let H see. and then i said to myself.. i am going to create a great life for myself and my kids w/ or w/out him. he will be missing out.

gf and i watched "what's your number". sort of romantic comedy but not sappy. actually not that great of a movie but, at least i can say i've watched it smile unfortunately ate the same dinner of carrot sticks, doritos and diet coke. and now i feel even sicker. don't worry.. i ate that after the kids went to bed! i fed them a proper dinner. lol.

H ended up txting me asking if i could forward some info from our joint email to his hotmail because he had tried to forward and it didn't work (not sure why he couldn't have just done it himself.. not as though you can't access that email anywhere). anyway, told me it was more complicated than he thought to get this license he wanted. i responded.. "oh. hope you get what you want". to which he said "thank you. i don't know that that is yet but thank you". it's all very weird and awkward.

physio.. work.. planning a fun weekend for my kids! i think we'll play tourist or something. go on a little adventure! and then the oscars on sunday. how many of you are up for a nomination??


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 803
B
BFloat Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 803
just a question.. does anyone know what it means when i have a thumbs down next to my post? am i in trouble?


Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,167
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,167
As for dating, I think if you should do it when you have worked as much as you can on your marriage and when you have forgiven him. You don't want to bring baggage into a new relationship. Especially the issue of trust.

And don't think too much about how much thought he's put into the nightstands. All that is reversible.


M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,167
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,167
About the thumbs down, ask about it in the policies forum?


M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard