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#2227079 - 03/03/12 09:13 AM Re: Waiting for the tides to change - 3 [Re: barely floating]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
BF I think the pilot thing would be a gret GAL for ya. I'm a commercial pilot and I find profound relaxation in the air. I actually left the park service for a year to fly for a regional airline. Lifestyle stunk, but flying and learning to fly was way fun!
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2227156 - 03/03/12 01:52 PM Re: Waiting for the tides to change - 3 [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
i will add flying to my bucket list. i wish i could find my dad's old dog tags! i suspect his wife kept it and doesn't want me to know.

ack! plans fell through for tonight. gf forgot she had a bday dinner to go to. asked if i wanted to join them but.. don't know the bday girl so would rather not. oh well. that's life. there's still shopping in the day...

i've been thinking about labug's comment on another thread.. to sum it up.. thinking about how you want others to describe you and be that person. i wonder how H would describe me? something to think about today.
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2227158 - 03/03/12 02:03 PM Re: Waiting for the tides to change - 3 [Re: barely floating]
nhmom Offline
Member

Registered: 12/20/11
Posts: 345
playing guitar, photography, and now flying airplanes? very cool GAL plans! it would be awesome if you actually took flying lessons!

I agree that it's a good sign that your H agreed to go to Retrouvaille. Let's hope that his eyes will be opened there!
_________________________
Me:32 H:34 T:14.5 M:9.5 S:5 BD: 11/25/11



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#2227181 - 03/03/12 03:12 PM Re: Waiting for the tides to change - 3 [Re: nhmom]
purgatory Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 825
Loc: Virginia
I also read bug's comment, and it made me think....

I bet my 'description' from my friends here on the boards would be different than H's- but I would also venture to say that y'all's description might be more accurate b/c it's not clouded by emotions o anger and hurt. I think that anytime someone has filters that they use when talking about us (like all of our WAS's would) it's not an accurate portrayal.

BF- I would describe you as a compassionate soul with a sassy tongue and sharp as nails mind. Your devotion to your kids is admirable and I can't imagine that there's a day that goes by that they don't feel loved by you- even in your absence.

You should learn to play guitar while flying the plane and use your you tube tutorials to attach cameras to the wings so you can take scenic photos while in the air! And make sure you get a parachute for your pet hamster as well smile
_________________________
M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12

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#2227215 - 03/03/12 06:22 PM Re: Waiting for the tides to change - 3 [Re: barely floating]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Originally Posted By: barely floating
oo oo ee ah.. that's what my D says when she says she's a monkey. she also beats her chest when she does it. in her little high pitched 2 yr old voice. she's a character!

If you could record this and show us that would be so amazingly cute! G-monk would undoubtedly be impressed!

purg.. thanks for the prayers! i have been praying just for an open heart from the both of us for retrouvaille.

rick.. i'm moving forward i guess. i figured having my own bank acct will be good whether i am w/ H or not. and if the answer is not.. then i will have already been prepared. does that make any sense?

Yes it does, as you know from my recent post I'm asking the same questions, and for you I think its more important to plan ahead because if you become a single Mom with those teeny kids you should be ready. It's easier for me. My Vinnie is 13.

i think w/ retrouvaille.. i am hesitant to be hopeful as it may create expectations. yes.. many people get a lot out of it but.. there are some that don't. i think i can say i'm hopeful that this will at least open up communication so that we can come to a better understanding and move forward. there are some things i want to say (and i'm sure things he wants to say) which will hopefully come out in a safe environment. i will try to get as much out of it as i can (and relay all the sordid details). maybe it will help my M.. but if not, i will have bettered myself for my next one.

Your one of the strongest woman I know. I know its sounds so cliche but I really believe you're going to have an amazing life whatever happens. I'm sending you well wishes every day and I have a good feeling about how you will do.

as for the preparing to be a single mom... i'm thinking, if it comes to that.. then that is what i will do. i don't think H would shirk out of his responsibilities but.. you never know. my focus is to be strong and independent. like i said to H and my IC.. i have survived a lot of sh$t in my life.. i'm going to survive this. i am stronger than people realize.

Maybe its you that didn't realize the strength you have. I mean, I think both you and I proved to be very resilient from our earlier lives but this type of sitch is another challenge alltogether. I'm sure your confidence took a hit, but I can sense, and I'm sure our other friends here do too, that you are incredible and will do well no matter what Retro (or is it RutRo like Scoobie Do says) turns out to be.

bklyn - lol. hard to think of it as 2nd honeymoon since we are so careful not to touch.. change behind closed doors.. so it's going to be very weird to be sleeping in the same room. i did ask for 2 beds. didn't want that awkwardness or to have the potential of feeling rejected. but i will look forward to the possibility that things may improve between us. so messy!

I know that horror show. When we went on family vacation last year, we stayed in same room diff beds. So weird. I have decided that I'm not going through that this year. I may go solo or probably with sons...maybe West US....or if solo to far east to visit people

soooo.. did not end up going to movie. we missed it! that's ok. ended up having dinner.. browsing the bookstore (a luxury w/out kids) and then having coffee before heading home. hmmmm.. maybe that's why i'm wide awake right now! smile

thinking about GAL. i would love to learn how to fly a plane. my dad was a pilot. when i was younger, i wanted to be a fighter pilot. and when i was a little older, i wanted to pursue airplane mechanics or mech engineering. fast forward 20 yrs.. how did i end up where i did? lol!


That's so awesome that you had those ambitions. Love hearing this kind of stuff!

(((Banana))) & (((hampster))))

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#2227321 - 03/04/12 03:49 AM Re: Waiting for the tides to change - 3 [Re: rickb89]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
i guess it's time for a downswing.

H and i have exchanged a few txts this evening to discuss how kids will stay w/ my mom monday night (there is most likely going to be a teacher's strike for 3 days). then we discussed my nursing license and i asked if H got his security license (he had decided to get that in the last couple of weeks).

i probably should have just ended the conversation there but.. i asked if he was planning on switching over to security to which he replies he was thinking of getting a second job. now.. the wheels in my head are turning.. so i ask if he wants to talk about finances. he says.. sure.. it looks good.

next i say.. i am assuming you're thinking about a second job to pay for rent? because the person he is staying with is leaving sometime soon. going to new zealand. and H says.. yes.. rent is paid until end of april and he will probably be paying rent may onward. at which point i say.. i think we need to discuss child support then because if he gets his own place.. there really isn't a need for him to come back every second weekend and the kids will go to his place. (because really.. in the long term.. does he really think things will continue the way they have been?? i didn't say this part out loud). H just said.. ok. he hasn't looked for a place yet.. he just didn't have anywhere to go. i answered, i didn't mean to pressure him but i'm trying to figure things out for the kids and i. he has not yet answered back.

should i have not said anything? i'm so confused!! i'm thinking i need to say something because i don't want to be screwed financially! i have 2 kids i have to protect and care for! if H wants to get a second job and get his own place that will be his choice but i need to know the numbers i'm dealing with so i can make my choices.

i just sent him a txt asking if i upset him. no answer back. well.. nobody said this was going to be easy.
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2227322 - 03/04/12 04:11 AM Re: Waiting for the tides to change - 3 [Re: barely floating]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
BF, I get those financial talks, yuck, but you do need to look out for you and kiddies. It is pretty cut and dried down here in the states. He will have to do his part. And if he has to get a 2nd job, thats good because well if it is like down here they base on how much he is bringing in, how much you bring in. Also maybe you shouldn't worry if you upset him. You are A MOM looking out for your kids. I'm so new to this, it is hard to advise, vets where are you? Probably all asleep since we are the nite owls!

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#2227325 - 03/04/12 04:27 AM Re: Waiting for the tides to change - 3 [Re: hopeless in wa]
barely floating Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/11
Posts: 750
thanks hopeless.. my concern is that H an i currently have a joint acct (in hindsight it was really dumb to have our lives so intertwined since the beginning). both our paychecks go into there. H is currently staying w/ a friend sleeping on the couch but this person will soon be leaving for NZ for an indefinite amount of time. he has stated that wants to continue paying for half the mortgage etc to ensure that kids are secure.

he is now thinking of getting a second job because i'm sure he's thinking about the fact that he can not afford to pay half the bills etc and pay rent at the same time. i'm assuming that if this is the case, he will be putting the income from that second job into an entirely different acct.

i want to have concrete divisions on the finances if this is the case because.. if i work more.. would it be fair to be going into the joint acct? also.. because he's paying for half the mortgage.. if we end up selling our place.. does he then claim half the profits? we've put all our other debts into the mortgage now for one lump sum payment.

i think.. we need to discuss the need for child support. we need separate accts.. have clear definition of child support.. and then it will be up to me to figure out whether i can afford the mortgage or not. if not.. then i may have to move. we also would have to figure out all the other logistics such as.. who owns what car.. separate insurance payments.. and then if he has his own place.. he will have to figure out groceries for when the kids are with him!!

yeah.. it's not so cut and dry. H had actually answered my last txt by saying he didn't know how he should feel.. he thought he was doing the right thing by putting everything he earned into bills and the mortgage.. he still wants the best for the kids.. he needs time to feel this out..

he obviously still feels that his decision is what's best for the kids.

wow.. rant much?? lol
_________________________
Me:38.. H:33.
Two beautiful kids S:6 D:3
M:8.. together for 11.
Bomb dropped:10/17/11
Separated:11/07/11

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#2227330 - 03/04/12 04:46 AM Re: Waiting for the tides to change - 3 [Re: barely floating]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Since this was 2nd M I always kept my own bank acct, c card. I don't know if Canada is community property like here. Everything from day one of marriage is split 50/50. H is buying me out of house. Also am getting 41 months of spousal support. And I get half out retirement acct. since we got married. It works out to 50/50. But of course with me no child support involved. Have you seen a Lawyer? Maybe he has and that gives him the upper hand. Knowledge is power and you need it. I've heard here on boards first appt. is free.

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#2227331 - 03/04/12 04:56 AM Re: Waiting for the tides to change - 3 [Re: hopeless in wa]
hopeless in wa Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/12
Posts: 285
Also, the internet is a good source of info. In wa state there are great govt. websites that really spell things out. I am trusting my h. he had EVERYTHING figured out like 2 days after he left, that the way he operates. But at the very end I will request a mediator to look over and see if fair. Mostly the spousal surrort part. He's not going to like it but I need to look out for myself. Like I said in wa it is pretty cut and dried. good luck bf.

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