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#2229269 - 03/09/12 05:26 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: rickb89]
gunny Offline
Member

Registered: 08/22/11
Posts: 680
Loc: new jersey
One rabbit stew coming right up!!

I am enjoying your thread Lady, hope you are well, enjoy the weekend!
_________________________
m 53
XW 47
m 12
t 14
bomb 6-11
s 10-11
wife moved to other state 10-21-11
d 9-12

O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!

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#2229292 - 03/09/12 07:02 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: rickb89]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
Bugsy - not only does DB'ing feel counterintuitive to us, it really seems crazy to most people who would tell us to ditch the WAS.

Literally everyone outside of the DB community has told me to divorce the wife and move on. She said its over what part don't you understand? < so tired of hearing this from "friends."
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2229296 - 03/09/12 07:20 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
Rick1963 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/11
Posts: 2448
Loc: Piney Land
Bug I think that once we stop taking 100% of the blame for the demise of our Ms we wonder. I think most of us blame our selves for the whole thing and it is reinforced by our spouses statements and behaviors. So knowing what you don't want is progress and clarity.

Mnky I hear ya. Tomorrow i go to bros house he had surgery today and it his bday. I will hear it all day, move in with, get a new chick u know what i mean...

Ps Bug and me still don't get what killing. Hobo means?????
_________________________
M 51
W 50
D 17
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 11/12
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden






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#2229322 - 03/09/12 09:30 PM Re: Fear and Love [Re: Rick1963]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
Just a euphemism for GALing.I'm really a very gentle simian..
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2229388 - 03/10/12 09:22 AM Re: Fear and Love [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7830
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still Dead!

So, it's been a good week. I told my IC on Monday that I thought I was reaching "critical mass" on topic of Just Who Is LaBug?

About the friend I distanced myself from: I don't really miss her. It had always been a strained relationship for me as I never felt I quite measured up to her expectationsand she was always giving me "advice" on my kids, job, H, etc. My problem was, I didn't say "Thanks, but I don't need advice, just an ear."

I had urges to call and try to "fix" it only because I was worried about what she thought about me. Yes, that old bugaboo, other people's opinions. Decided, not my business and kept moving forward. Setting limits and taking care of myself.

I do have compassion for her and don't dislike her it's just that I choose not to have her energy in my life right now.

I won't be perfect at setting boundaries in the beginning but the more I do it, the better I'll get.

Planted some flowers this week which always makes me happy. Of course in a month or so they'll be shriveled due to the heat but they'll make me happy until then. And I refuse to obsess about the money I spent on them only to have them die.

Went to a movie "Red Tails" with S19 last night and out for pizza. Our relationship has improved so much in the last year, in looking back it's almost unbelievable. We have created a deep bond built on mutual respect and understanding that will last through the years.

Today is Alanon and then to the Festival of Books. This is a huge event that has hundreds of authors giving talks, exhibits, book sellers, food, movies. And it's a beautiful day for it.

Trying to keep my feet and mind firmly planted in today, not worrying about the future or obsessing about the past.

All in all, I'm beginning to believe that I am enough.
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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#2229390 - 03/10/12 09:38 AM Re: Fear and Love [Re: labug]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 983
Originally Posted By: labug
Went to a movie "Red Tails" with S19 last night and out for pizza. Our relationship has improved so much in the last year, in looking back it's almost unbelievable. We have created a deep bond built on mutual respect and understanding that will last through the years.

Today is Alanon and then to the Festival of Books. This is a huge event that has hundreds of authors giving talks, exhibits, book sellers, food, movies. And it's a beautiful day for it.

Trying to keep my feet and mind firmly planted in today, not worrying about the future or obsessing about the past.

All in all, I'm beginning to believe that I am enough.


Good morning labug! Your post was the first I got to this today and it made me smile! Very happy for you, especially about your relationship with your son! Have an awesome Saturday!!
_________________________
Me:44, W:43
S:15, D:11
M:21, T:24
Bomb: July 2010
Stopped MC for 2nd time late summer 2013
Dropping the rope...

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#2229399 - 03/10/12 10:07 AM Re: Fear and Love [Re: labug]
Grmpy_Mnky Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/11
Posts: 524
Loc: MS
Great post Bug!!

You are enough and more. Your husband is crazy.

So, is LaBug? Besides the awesome person I see here and helps me (and so many others) get through each day.

Let this counter the "bugaboo" - you are in the top five people in my life that I like and respect. Don't think I'm alone there...
_________________________
Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.

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#2229402 - 03/10/12 10:19 AM Re: Fear and Love [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
mimivac Offline
Member

Registered: 01/30/12
Posts: 158
Loc: Washington DC
Great post, labug! The things you've gained this past year are awesome life achievements. So nice to see someone take this journey and make something truly good out of it, regardless of the outcome of the m. That is something I would love to do as well.

Mimi
_________________________
M:37; H:37; M:10 years;T:13 years;no kids.
Bomb ("I love you, but don't feel things for you I should":1/08/12
Separated (H living with various friends:1/18/12
Separated (H rented his own apartment:3/4/12

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#2229403 - 03/10/12 10:19 AM Re: Fear and Love [Re: Grmpy_Mnky]
ces67 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/23/11
Posts: 983
^^^^^I'm with the monkey.... grin
_________________________
Me:44, W:43
S:15, D:11
M:21, T:24
Bomb: July 2010
Stopped MC for 2nd time late summer 2013
Dropping the rope...

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#2229409 - 03/10/12 10:45 AM Re: Fear and Love [Re: ces67]
labug Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/11
Posts: 7830
Loc: Sonoran Desert
Thanks, to both or you. When I first started here and read people talking about the community and friendships that happen, I thought "Yeah, right!"

Those people were right. We may not always agree on things, but we respect each other, understand where each is coming from and give support. You guys make me hopeful because there are men who want to work on themselves and work to create a better relationship.

I like coming here to clean the crap out of my head and get my daily dose of steel for my backbone.
_________________________
Me 56/H 57
M 35 S 24 S 21
Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11
Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi


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