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Just had a yucky phone convo with a friend (probably now x) that I tried to DB through but...not so good I fear.
We haven't talked for quite a while since the last time she told me how H was not going to do anything unless I got an attorney and a court order and yadda yadda. This was after I had asked her to proofread an email I was going to send about splitting costs for something for S19. (as it turned out I sent my email and H agreed). I didn't ask for advice on the content just didn't want it to sound controlling.
So I told her I just needed to pull back and take a break from people who wanted to tell me what to do about my R (She is also a very controlling, judgmental type, probably what fueled our R for a long time). I also said that people don't understand why I want to save my marriage or how it feels to have been in a R for so long and then have it fall apart.
I tried to listen and validate but did say I needed to protect myself and didn't need to hear anymore about how I should "get a good attorney" and "make him pay", etc.
She was clearly angry with me and said "but you kept bringing it to me" Yes, I shared with her but was not looking for legal advice, just support.
There was more but I kept it from being a circular I said, she said convo but it feels yucky that I didn't handle it better. But you know what? She said she was sad but she never really said she was sorry.
Ohhhhhh, blech. But here's another thing. I haven't really missed her because she's a lot like my mother. She triggers me in the same way.
You just wanted her to listen instead of fix it for you? Geez, you're such a girl.
Seriously, though, I feel your pain to some extent. I get touches of that from own Mom. Throughout my situation, I have tended to steer clear of those that don't buy in to what I'm doing. I have to be able to look myself in the mirror someday and look my S in the eye someday and honestly say I did everything possible to save my M. I honestly don't think it's possible or even practical to get even. The only winners are those who save themselves and grow through this process.