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Just had a yucky phone convo with a friend (probably now x) that I tried to DB through but...not so good I fear.
We haven't talked for quite a while since the last time she told me how H was not going to do anything unless I got an attorney and a court order and yadda yadda. This was after I had asked her to proofread an email I was going to send about splitting costs for something for S19. (as it turned out I sent my email and H agreed). I didn't ask for advice on the content just didn't want it to sound controlling.
So I told her I just needed to pull back and take a break from people who wanted to tell me what to do about my R (She is also a very controlling, judgmental type, probably what fueled our R for a long time). I also said that people don't understand why I want to save my marriage or how it feels to have been in a R for so long and then have it fall apart.
I tried to listen and validate but did say I needed to protect myself and didn't need to hear anymore about how I should "get a good attorney" and "make him pay", etc.
She was clearly angry with me and said "but you kept bringing it to me" Yes, I shared with her but was not looking for legal advice, just support.
There was more but I kept it from being a circular I said, she said convo but it feels yucky that I didn't handle it better. But you know what? She said she was sad but she never really said she was sorry.
Ohhhhhh, blech. But here's another thing. I haven't really missed her because she's a lot like my mother. She triggers me in the same way.
Thanks for listening.
Me 56/H 57 M 35 S 24 S 21 Bomb 3/11 He moved out 3/11 Piecing 9/13 12/13 He's home now
The enemy is fear. We think it is hate but, it is fear. Gandhi
You just wanted her to listen instead of fix it for you? Geez, you're such a girl.
Seriously, though, I feel your pain to some extent. I get touches of that from own Mom. Throughout my situation, I have tended to steer clear of those that don't buy in to what I'm doing. I have to be able to look myself in the mirror someday and look my S in the eye someday and honestly say I did everything possible to save my M. I honestly don't think it's possible or even practical to get even. The only winners are those who save themselves and grow through this process.