Not related.... But my mind immediately jumped to the "Bring out your dead" skit by Monty Python. It made me laugh at myself

Now, the rest of the movie is playing my head....

I know we all wish we could say this more frequently. Great job Bug!

Lovex that movie....thanks for the laugh.

It's not right for your H to put such a burden on your S19.

I'm Not Dead Yet!

Just had a yucky phone convo with a friend (probably now x) that I tried to DB through but...not so good I fear.

We haven't talked for quite a while since the last time she told me how H was not going to do anything unless I got an attorney and a court order and yadda yadda. This was after I had asked her to proofread an email I was going to send about splitting costs for something for S19. (as it turned out I sent my email and H agreed). I didn't ask for advice on the content just didn't want it to sound controlling.

So I told her I just needed to pull back and take a break from people who wanted to tell me what to do about my R (She is also a very controlling, judgmental type, probably what fueled our R for a long time). I also said that people don't understand why I want to save my marriage or how it feels to have been in a R for so long and then have it fall apart.

I tried to listen and validate but did say I needed to protect myself and didn't need to hear anymore about how I should "get a good attorney" and "make him pay", etc.

She was clearly angry with me and said "but you kept bringing it to me" Yes, I shared with her but was not looking for legal advice, just support.

There was more but I kept it from being a circular I said, she said convo but it feels yucky that I didn't handle it better. But you know what? She said she was sad but she never really said she was sorry.

Ohhhhhh, blech. But here's another thing. I haven't really missed her because she's a lot like my mother. She triggers me in the same way.

Thanks for listening.

Bug,

Most people do not understand standing or DB principals.

Until they attempt to put them into practice.

That is the reason we say not to tell a lot of the gory details to friends and family.

Sometimes...

that means that we change our R with them. Reducing contact, seeming to withdraw, not talking about certain topics, and setting boundaries regarding other things.

In my own situation, I cut off all contact with friends and family (other than required holiday stuff) for almost two years.

I was on a path that was of my choosing, that people could not or did not understand or support.

When I finally decided that I wanted to renew some of those R, yes I had some fences to mend, but I also found that I was very choosy as to which of them I put my energy into.

So, is this woman and this friendship worth the energy you are giving it?

It's ok if it isn't.

Hugs to you labug ((()))

You just wanted her to listen instead of fix it for you? Geez, you're such a girl.

Seriously, though, I feel your pain to some extent. I get touches of that from own Mom. Throughout my situation, I have tended to steer clear of those that don't buy in to what I'm doing. I have to be able to look myself in the mirror someday and look my S in the eye someday and honestly say I did everything possible to save my M. I honestly don't think it's possible or even practical to get even. The only winners are those who save themselves and grow through this process.

Hang in there, labug!

Thanks, (((cat)))

That's pretty much been my thinking on the issue. I shared a fair amt with her and she was "there" for me in the beginning but she's a fixer. She had all the answers. This was all before finding DB.

Now I know those boundaries and how to avoid a discussion about the R.

"So, is this woman and this friendship worth the energy you are giving it?" I'm thinkin' no.

I feel much better just getting it out.