Oh, forgot to mention that W also informed me that her brother would not be coming for a visit at Easter. I asked her why not and she said that she didn't think that it was a good idea considering she still has Dr's appointments and needs to have a TEE test performed and needs to get back to work, etc.
So I guess that little dilemma has been resolved.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Every one of these sitch's is an opportunity to do a little better each time. How'd it go after practice and you were home for the evening?
Things were pretty tense in the house last night. Don’t know if it had anything to do with my little episode or the full moon, or something else. When I got home W was in a pissy mood. Some of it had to do with S13’s attitude and him slacking on some of his homework assignments. Everyone pretty much kept to themselves for the rest of the evening.
Originally Posted By: purgatory
Good for you for recognizing it and choosing to make yourself relax. Of course you would have liked it to happen quicker, but I'm sure you'll exercise that 'muscle' and it will become easier with time
Originally Posted By: BklynMom
I think you did amazing today. Reacting to traffic triggers even keeled people as well. The fact that you calmed yourself down it a testament to all the work you have done. Next time it will happen faster, for sure. Just by you seeing your frustration you have changed your reaction next time. Way to go!
Thanks Purg and BK. It was really an interesting moment for me. I was getting myself all wound up. Normally this would devolve into a rage. But after a couple of minutes and with me making a conscious decision to tone it down, I managed to get myself under control. It was not easy by any stretch. If it is in fact a muscle, then I need to get pumped up because it is pretty weak!
Originally Posted By: nhmom
Your C sounds like a very wise person! Thanks for sharing different techniques with us. It's so easy to get wrapped up in everyday stress. I know I get easily agitated when I'm late to something and when in traffic. When I hear my S4 being a backseat driver and start saying things like "go people" or "come on, what's taking so long", it reminds me how I need to slow down and watch what I as, as it does spill over. Awesome job putting your C's suggestion into practice!
Funny you should say this because I sometimes don’t think we connect very well. I mean he is nice and sincere but I sometimes wonder if I’m really getting anything out of our sessions other than to use him as a sounding board. And then, I get two great pieces of advice and I start to think that maybe there is hope!
I’m glad you and possibly others get some value out of my posts. I’m a big believer of paying it forward whenever possible. I think that comes from my years when I was a teenager and young adult when so many people helped me when I was in desperate need. I sometimes wish I could go back and track all these people down just to say thank you, one last time. So, here I am.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Glad the brother isn't coming and sorry that about the "time to go" message. That & the OM reminder just bites.
Keep your head up and keep acting confident. That will confuse the cr@p out of her! Honestly, I think the more positive you can be about leaving the better it is for you. Better to see you leaving in a good mood than sad or depressed. Leave her with that view of you to really think about what she's letting walk out the door..
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Yeah, the OM sitch is the gift that just keeps taking. No wonder she's a basket case since that issue is still out there. I'm really sorry to hear that. You did so much for her that is admirable and your kids saw it all live and in the flesh. That can't be taken away from you no matter where she is now or in futurama.
Your kids will always know how you stood for this M no matter the outcome, and they will always know she stepped out of bounds with this goofball. Given the two, you or her, whose shoes would you rather be in?
Before I go, I just wanted to comment briefly about the title of this thread, "picking weeds and planting seeds". My reason behind the title had to do with the notion that since my W and I were back under the same roof (albeit only temporarily) now was a good time to pull out some of the weeds in our R and also maybe plant a few seeds of hope for the future.
As you read back through the posts in this thread, perhaps you will see where I really made an effort to improve the communication between my W and I; where I took some risks in confronting long standing communication patterns that invariably lead to misunderstanding, control and other problematic R dynamics.
I also am getting better at understanding triggers and am working very hard to detect them and control them. It is a slow process but I do believe I am making progress.
And so it is these actions that I view as the picking of weeds and planting of seeds. Only time will tell if the seeds will germinate and the weeds remain at bay.
