A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out. Go to the new Divorce Busting® Store where you can sign up for Divorce Busting® Coaching and purchase Michele's Audios, Videos and eBooks that you can immediately download. Start taking the steps that will help you get your marriage back on track right away.
Page 3 of 11 < 1 2 3 4 5 ... 10 11 >
Topic Options
#2226367 - 03/01/12 03:39 PM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: purgatory]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
...and then it happened again! Seriously! Alarm goes off this morning and I go stumbling into S10's bedroom to wake him up as has been my routine for the past 2-3 weeks and I see a bigger lump on the bed than is usual.

Confused and half asleep I go to wake S10 up and am startled to find my W in his bed rubbing his shoulders to wake him. So here I am, once again exposed to the world (er, my W) in nothing more than my skivvies. blush

I think I'm going to have to start wearing pajamas! laugh
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

Top
#2226439 - 03/01/12 06:29 PM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: 2thepoint]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
Just for kicks, why not wear the Borat thong and just happen to walk by her? Would this be one of those 180's they talk about?

Every now and then its fun to do something off the wall to break the tension. My S21 came home with a pig mask recently, with the big pink snout, the whole pig face thing. When my W was asleep in "her" room, I put it on and stood by her bed while she slept. I had to make a few pig grunts to get her to wake up, but when she did she let out a pretty good scream. I think she had forgotten that aspect of our relationship...the pranks. BTW she got a good laugh from it which is pretty rare these days.

Humor is the best medicine!

Top
#2226580 - 03/02/12 02:18 AM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: rickb89]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
Time to change the subject! smile

Last night GAL consisted of going to an Arena Football game with my friend. Hadn't ever been to one before so it was a new experience for me.

One cool thing about my little adventure was that I saw the most spectacular sunset over downtown that I've seen in ages. Interesting cloud formations and brilliant orange/pink sunset coloring made for an amazing picture! And to think I would have missed that had I not been out GAL!

Today as I mentioned in an earlier post, W was up with the boys to get them out the door for school. The other day when I asked her if I was overstaying my welcome she had said at the time she still needed me around to get the boys up in the morning. Thought that was a good sign, but then here she is getting the boys up in the morning.

This afternoon, W and I are discussing various weekend and spring break logistics and as part of the conversation, I ask her if she would like to go to lunch tomorrow. We had gone to lunch last week, so I thought maybe we could do it again.

Her response was that she would let me know, but right now she is in a crappy mood. I asked her what was eating her and she kind of dodged the question. What is strange to me is that after she got the boys out the door this morning she went back to bed and didn't wake up until 3:30 or so this afternoon. So what is causing her pissy mood is a mystery to me.

W then tells me that she will wake the boys again tomorrow. With her being in a pissy mood combined with her taking on more with getting the boys up and ready in the morning, I start to sense that maybe it is time for me to make my exit. But in the spirit of keeping our communication open, I ask her again if I am over staying my welcome.

She quickly responds, "no I still think I need help." She didn't say with what but the other day when I posed the same question it was to help get the boys ready in the morning. Since she seems to have that covered now I wonder what she feels she needs help with?

Now I'm confused! But rather then press any further, I opt to keep my mouth shut and make a quick exit.

Strange times!
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

Top
#2226608 - 03/02/12 04:09 AM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: 2thepoint]
rickb89 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 1119
2Pac...she undoubtedly has a lot on her mind. I think its a wise choice on yor part to keep it quiet. You wouldnt want her to lash out at you from her confusion. I think it might be a good time for you to back off a bit but quietly do it, so she wont start projecting her troubles on to you. Not to take away from your burden but I do think she must have a boatload of stuff to sort out right now. Regardless of where she might run with this I think she could really use some more quiet behind the scenes support. You're a good man 2Pac.

Top
#2226628 - 03/02/12 05:22 AM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: rickb89]
2chiquitos Offline
Member

Registered: 10/02/11
Posts: 1122
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
I'm wondering if she wants your help but doesn't want to have to ask for it? Just wondering...

About the pig undies- laughter will help break some of that thick ice!
_________________________
M 38 H 35
T7 (-2yrs separation)
S5 D2
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciling

Top
#2226629 - 03/02/12 05:25 AM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: rickb89]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
I know she has a lot on her mind. The trouble is I don't know how to support her behind the scenes. I think she is still struggling with concepts of her own mortality and I feel like I should be there to help her with that stuff. Or at least be a sounding board for her. But I don't now how to do that in a way that she can tolerate.

I mean like today for instance, I was away for most of the day. At least the part where she was awake. When I return, I find that she is in a crappy mood. About what? She didn't have enough waking time to have anything set her off. How do I support her with that?

I seem to be getting mixed signals. She wants space (i.e. don't dote over me) but then she doesn't want me to leave.

She made an odd comment tonight about how the boys don't seem to care if she is home or not. These are young boys who's minds are elsewhere - sports, video games, friends, etc. What is she expecting. This is the kind of crap thinking that she always takes way to personally. But I tell her that I think they are just content that she is home and they go and do what they always do. I don't know how else to help her feel like she is loved and needed without smothering her.

So this is where I struggle.
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

Top
#2226633 - 03/02/12 06:10 AM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: 2thepoint]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
more... One of W's complaints was that I was not emotionally available during key periods of our 18 year M. This recent health crisis of her's has allowed me to demonstrate that I am capable of being there for her when she was her absolute most vulnerable. I think I probably exceeded her expectations during that very difficult period.

However, now that she is home and clearly dealing with some tough emotional issues, I don't know how to be there for her. Especially if she is pushing me away. I know she needs my emotional support. I just don't know how to provide it.
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

Top
#2226645 - 03/02/12 11:19 AM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: 2thepoint]
Sad in WI Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 225
I am having the same problem with my W. I know she is hurting but we are two different ships in the night. It has only been 5 days when she dropped the D bomb on me. Since then I have been at home doing whatever I can with our young children, getting them ready for school and entertaining them after school. Thursday night was a quick hello and then went to my S10's room to play some new board games. D6 was in the living room with her and I could hear her snapping on her, I then asked my D6 to come play "Chutes and Ladders" with us. She did and left the W to relax.
_________________________
M:39
W:38
S:12
D:8

Top
#2226849 - 03/02/12 07:24 PM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: 2thepoint]
2thepoint Offline
Member

Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 1692
So I could really use some advice on my last couple of posts. W is again in a funk today. I am fearful she may be spiraling emotionally, mostly centered around her medical condition, but maybe there is something else?

Thoughts and comments are welcomed.
_________________________
Me48 W50 S15 S11
M20 T23
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife

Top
#2226851 - 03/02/12 07:28 PM Re: Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds [Re: 2thepoint]
Mach1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 3744
Originally Posted By: 2thepoint
So I could really use some advice on my last couple of posts. W is again in a funk today. I am fearful she may be spiraling emotionally, mostly centered around her medical condition, but maybe there is something else?

Thoughts and comments are welcomed.



Pay the rent....

You are too close for missiles Goose......

Top
Page 3 of 11 < 1 2 3 4 5 ... 10 11 >


Moderator:  dbmod, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004