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#2226086 - 02/29/12 06:28 PM Re: hope you love her, cause you're stuck with her now [Re: Cyrena]
MichelleLT Offline
Member

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 9848
Loc: Nor Cal, USA
Thanks for the insights Cyrena. smile

So Tuesday afternoon Roger is IMing me about the dog. Then he gets quiet for like an hour, then comes back to say that his temp contract position is converting to a permanent contract where his full-time permanent employer will be the IT temp company. This is good for him as it means he doesn't have to take six months off between contracts or try and find another contract to cover that six month gap and he'll have benefits like a real employee. But all I could think is, why are you telling me this? Am I supposed to be excited and validate you? Really? You dumped me!

So I didn't respond.

After I got home that night, Roger called me to ask if I could dog-sit for the people we got Kelsey from. This is fine. He then brought up the work thing a second time. I said that's nice (basically), then that I had to get off the phone to call the pet sitter and cancel Kelsey's play day. *sigh*
_________________________
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette
S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09
http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2

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#2226096 - 02/29/12 06:49 PM Re: hope you love her, cause you're stuck with her now [Re: MichelleLT]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9696
Loc: GA
I really sounds like he desperately wants to stay connected to you in some way and the puppy is the perfect opportunity to do so. I guess you should look at it like parents with kids. They have a tenuous thread that holds them together, in some ways, through their kids. That can lead to more communication and working your way back toward each other. It could just be a thread and nothing more but if you want to put your R back together, I guess you may need to put up with it like this for a while.

Keep doing what you are doing though! Don't let him prattle on and on, make sure you continue all your activities (I don't see that ever being a problem for you!), and be kind to him without being too involved. Draw him back toward you slowly. See where the therapy takes him.

Did his C give him any idea of how long they expect to be doing this? I've heard most EMDR doesn't continue past 6 months. What have you heard?
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


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#2226131 - 02/29/12 08:38 PM Re: hope you love her, cause you're stuck with her now [Re: mishka422]
MichelleLT Offline
Member

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 9848
Loc: Nor Cal, USA
Yeah, it is pretty much exactly like having a kid.

As for his EMDR, I don't know. I understood it was supposed to be just a few months, but whether that means 3 or 6 I don't know. The biggest problem is that he was only seeing her every other week when he started EMDR and right now he's only seeing her once a month, so they aren't doing EMDR. She's been bugging him to get in more frequently so they can go back to EMDR. She wants him in every week for EMDR, I guess because of what Cyrena said about it being fast neural pathway changes.

He has a list of excuses for why he can't, money, too much time off work, etc. I think part of it is that he wants to do it, but he knows it's not going to be fun, so he's dragging his feet. He's more comfortable with the talk therapy, he likes the insights, but of course as we all know, insight is awesome, but it doesn't lead to change necessarily.
_________________________
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette
S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09
http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2

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#2226461 - 03/01/12 07:56 PM Re: hope you love her, cause you're stuck with her now [Re: MichelleLT]
MichelleLT Offline
Member

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 9848
Loc: Nor Cal, USA
Roger has Kelsey thru the weekend. I have a 3-day drill, so I dropped her off this morning. It kinda [censored] that I wear my uniform to work since I can't dress up or even choose what to wear. I did put on some perfume and make-up though. Tried to drop her off, get her settled, and bail. He was filling me in on his plans to take her up to Tahoe for Snowfest this weekend, and wanted to talk again about his work thing. He applied to be the manager of the contract group. So we ended up leaving for work at the same time. No hugs or anything.
_________________________
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette
S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09
http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2

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#2226483 - 03/01/12 09:20 PM Re: hope you love her, cause you're stuck with her now [Re: MichelleLT]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9696
Loc: GA
Yeah, that bites. Make-up and perfume are a nice addition though.

He feels a need to communicate to you what is going on. That's a nice connection to keep. Again, only as long as it isn't hurting you. If it keeps you stuck and unhappy then you are going to have to put a stop to it.
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


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#2226515 - 03/01/12 10:38 PM Re: hope you love her, cause you're stuck with her now [Re: mishka422]
jon2911 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/24/07
Posts: 1099
Hey Michelle!
I've been following along, just checking in.
_________________________
Me: 30
W: 28
T 8, M 6
S: 7-27-2007
W filed (again) 3-2011
Served 8-2011
Responded, now dark
"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK

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#2228116 - 03/06/12 06:41 PM Re: hope you love her, cause you're stuck with her now [Re: jon2911]
MichelleLT Offline
Member

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 9848
Loc: Nor Cal, USA
Long, exhausting drill weekend. I didn't hear from Roger at all Friday and Saturday, but he called me twice on Sunday. First time it went to VM. I literally don't remember going to bed Sunday night, but I was in my bed in my robe, so I must have walked there at some point. Lights in the living room, computer and TV still on. Was very disconcerting. I do vaguely remember talking to Roger. He called me to talk about how she did this weekend and ask how my weekend was. I told him one of the funny stories from the weekend and then got off the phone as I was exhausted.

Picked up Kelsey from Roger's house Monday after work. I got there before him, so I was already gone when he got home. He called me to ask if I found all her stuff and confirm that I didn't see any damage to the yard (one small hole which he had also noticed). I couldn't find her gentle leader (it is like a horse bridle, it goes on her head and the leash clips under her chin). He said it was still in his car, but if I needed it he could leave it by the front door and I could come get it today. I told him it could wait til later this week and got off the phone.
_________________________
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette
S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09
http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2

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#2228118 - 03/06/12 06:43 PM Re: hope you love her, cause you're stuck with her now [Re: MichelleLT]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9696
Loc: GA
You had to be one tired puppy to not remember going to bed! YIKE!

How did Roger sound during these convos? At ease or stressed? Take the temperature and see what you feel.

Has he mentioned any further therapy?
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#2228244 - 03/06/12 10:38 PM Re: hope you love her, cause you're stuck with her now [Re: mishka422]
MichelleLT Offline
Member

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 9848
Loc: Nor Cal, USA
I didn't get enough sleep any night since Thursday, but I was up til 1 am Saturday night writing a counseling statement for one of my LTs and signing off on promotion packets. I slept through breakfast, but still wanted to kill someone when my alarm went off at 0545.

I didn't leave the armory Sunday until 6 pm. It was a really really long weekend.

Roger sounded pretty good. At ease I think. Chatty. It's weird that he's switched from texting or IMing me to calling me more.
_________________________
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette
S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09
http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2

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#2228245 - 03/06/12 10:38 PM Re: hope you love her, cause you're stuck with her now [Re: MichelleLT]
MichelleLT Offline
Member

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 9848
Loc: Nor Cal, USA
No mention of anything about his therapy or when his appointments are. I didn't ask.
_________________________
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette
S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09
http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2

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